What really is Peter Pan syndrome, and how to solve it?

We live in a globalized age, focused on materialism and consumption... and also digitized. This makes us jump from one article after another without the necessary depth, and terms are invented. You know: Peter Pan syndrome, imposter syndrome, "toxic" people ...

What is true really? Is there a Peter Pan syndrome as such? Adults who have difficulty assuming responsibilities beyond income or who want to live as eternal adolescents?

• Related article: "Thinking that you are not up to the task: causes, and how to fix it"

What do we understand by Peter Pan syndrome?

Let's start with the objective of this article: the big problem in our digital world is that we identify with what we read. Instead of identifying you, in this article we are going to try to go deeper into this problem to know what it really is, how it affects you in a psychological and emotional sense and, above all, how work it out.

Is there then the Peter Pan syndrome? This syndrome refers to the difficulties of certain adults in assuming responsibilities and commitments

, as if they wanted to enjoy the benefits of the adult world but continue to live in a certain way as teenagers.

This syndrome as such does not exist in psychology. However, I often see people in consultation who say to me: "Rubén, I have Peter Pan syndrome, help me solve it." What really happens to these people?

For more than 10 years I have been accompanying people as a psychologist and coach in their change processes, and this phenomenon is relatively recent and is part of our current social context. We live in a materialistic and consumerist age in which we build an identity identifying ourselves with what we think we are and need. These people, in search of a personal concept of freedom and autonomy, reject certain aspects of adult life.

In principle, this is not a problem at all. The difficulty comes when over the years they experience constant existential crises or difficulties in finding a life purpose.

The problem is not living as adults (these people are adults and live according to their own values ​​and decisions) but reject certain experiences that involve bonding, dedication, care and commitment (such as a long-term project, a relationship, actions that involve striving for others, or even having children).

Does this mean that these people need to live a more conventional life? Nothing is further from reality. Each person's way of life must follow their own values ​​and trends. The difficulty is not that, but to avoid experiences that imply that they lose some control and feelings of "freedom" (according to their own concept). This avoidance ends up being a limit and block, since it prevents them from living more broadly, satisfactorily and with purpose.

Why is this happening?

There are several emotional difficulties that make it easier for some people to shy away from these experiences: low tolerance for frustration, need for control, constant search for personal freedom out of fear and insecurity towards certain experiences that imply that total loss of control, etc. We are going to go much deeper into this with a video where I explain it to you. Hit play!

The Peter Pan syndrome, then, only refers to a current psychological problem that depends on our way of life and context: the difficulty to manage certain emotions (frustration, fear and insecurity) when living certain experiences that imply a way of personal dissolution and that implies a genuine and necessary contact and encounter with the other and with our humanity.

This occurs in a similar way in the case of relationships.: we want to live the experience of the couple but we are afraid of the possible consequences (infidelity, lack of support, not feeling dear ones, etc.), which is why we shy away from the experience or even leave the relationship before meeting the first difficulties.

The relationship of this difficulty with loss of purpose is important. In our materialistic and consumer world We tend to think that the purpose of life is something inherent to us. However, the purpose is not found or sought, but done. When a human being does not live certain experiences that imply that contact with difficulties (family, relationships, some form of surrender to the other) is in a sense disconnecting from part of his more human tendencies. This is what makes us live the existential crisis or feel that our life lacks a clear purpose.

How to solve it?

As I told you in the video, if the main source of the problem is the way we understand and manage certain emotions, such as frustration, insecurity, the need for control or fear, the solution is on do that learning so that we can overcome those limits and make our emotions be on our side instead of against us.

If this is what you want to achieve, at empoderamientohumano.com you have the option for us to schedule a first exploratory session and take the final step towards the change you need. That is the most important decision of all.