Polyamory: what is it and what types of relationships exist?

Until a few years ago, couple relationships have been dominated by a very specific conception of what love is: romantic love.

This idea of ​​affectivity transforms love into something that is shared exclusively by two people., which have an intimate relationship with each other that they do not use with others, and it is also related to the modern conception of platonic love in which the couple is idealized. However, in Western countries another way of understanding love relationships is taking root: polyamory.

What is polyamory?

The term polyamory was coined by Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart in 1990 and since then it has become popular, as an idea and as a philosophy of life, in many western countries.

In general terms, polyamory is the tendency, preference, or habit of being lovingly related to more than one person at the same time and in a context in which all the people involved are aware of this situation. Polyamory, therefore, does not have the couple as a fundamental unit in which people exchange affective and intimate behaviors, and that does not mean that they are committing infidelities.

On the other hand, there are many ways to experience polyamory, and the fact that more than two people can participate in a polyamorous relationship only increases the number of possibilities.In fact, as polyamory is a way of managing affectivity and not necessarily sex, it can happen that all the people who participate in a group of polyamory have different sexual orientations or they just don't have sex; and it can also happen that some do have intimate relationships of this type and others do not.

In addition, polyamory is a relationship that is maintained over time and is not limited to a short period, of minutes or hours, as could happen in sporadic or sporadic exchanges of couples swinging. Polyamorous relationships are because, in themselves, they tell us about the nature of the affective relationship that several people have with each other.

Related article: "Types of love: what kinds of love are there?"

Polyamory is not polygamy

At the same time, polyamory does not have to be based on formalized relationships as it happens in marriages. It differs from polygamy in that the latter, in addition to being limited only to cases where marriage has occurred, consists of the union between a man and many women or a woman and many men.

The types of polyamory

The existence of fuzzy limits on the limits of what can and cannot be done in a Polyamorous relationship has made that, on occasions, this type of affectivity is known simply What non-monogamy. This makes it possible to cover a very wide range of types of relationships, which does not restrict the different ways of living polyamory.

Although the way these types of polyamory are classified can vary depending on what kind of criteria are used to distinguish between categories, Yes, the main forms of polyamorous relationships can be highlighted. They are as follows.

1. Hierarchical polyamory

In this kind of polyamory there is a core group in which the relationship is more intense and a perfphere in which the established relationships are secondary. Normally each person has a primary relationship and others of less importance, which makes the people involved in one primary relationship may veto the other, preventing her from becoming romantically involved with some people determined.

Among the different types of polyamory, this is the one that most closely resembles traditional couple relationships in Western countries.

2. Polyfidelity

In polyfidelity intimate relationships are restricted to a certain group of people and with very limited limits. Outside of this circle of members, sexual contact is not allowed.

3. Relational anarchy, or free love

Relational anarchy is the type of polyamory least similar to monogamous dating relationships. In it, lThe people involved in relationships do not have any kind of restriction placed a priori, and they have total freedom to choose how to relate to each specific person. Therefore, in relational anarchy there is no pressure to make the relationships established with the others fit within a set of stereotypical norms, nor is there a need to place labels that define.

Ultimately, relational anarchy is distinguished from other forms of polyamory by being much more unstructured. Although it is always based on consensus and requires a degree of commitment, this is built from scratch at the moment of starting the relationship and is not based on expectations based on gender roles or traditions.

What kind of people practice polyamory?

Identifying the number of people who practice polyamory is tremendously complicated, firstly because in many countries its presence is so low that it costs study them, and secondly because being so difficult to define what a polyamorous relationship is and what is not, it is difficult not to fall into biases when it comes to quantify them. However, It is estimated that the number of Americans who practice some form of polyamory is around 4-5% of the population, while in Spain the percentage would be between 5 and 8%.

Regarding the profile of people who prefer polyamorous relationships, a study carried out by Loving More (an organization to support free love) in which more than 4,000 polyamorous practitioners participated showed that 49.5% of the Participants were female, 35.4% male, and 15.1% corresponded to people identified as non-gender. binary or genderqueer.

What's more, nearly half of women and about 18% of men reported having had same-sex sex in the past 12 months, thus showing a significantly greater tendency towards active bisexuality than the general population. These results fit well with other studies in which it has been proven that in homosexuals and bisexuals the number of polyamorous people is very large.

On the other hand, the educational level of polyamorous people was significantly higher than average of the general population, and showed a tendency to live with fewer children and adolescents in their houses.

Problems associated with this type of love

If it is difficult to quantify the number of polyamorous practitioners, knowing how most of these people feel is no less so. For this, very expensive qualitative studies based on interviews have to be carried out, and the data in this regard are very scarce.

However, based on the available data there is no reason to think that the problems experienced by couples and traditional marriages will disappear in polyamorous relationships. Although the different types of polyamory are very well defined on paper, it is often It is difficult to see the nature of the relationships that are supposed to be reflected in reality. keep.

For example, despite showing a preference for polyamory, jealousy or fear of being left out of the relationship may appear, and the fact of sharing a network of affective relationships with more than one person makes it very necessary to manage especially well the times and activities that are share. Many common day-to-day problems for traditional couples are also present in people who practice polyamory.

On the other hand, there is no evidence that families formed around polyamorous relationships have greater difficulties in raising and educating boys and girls well. Elisabeth Sheff, in particular, carried out a longitudinal study over 15 years that helped her to conclude that parenting in polyamorous families proceeds normally, which is not surprising if we take into account the typical profile and educational level of the people involved in the polyamory.

Much remains to be discussed

Polyamory can be many things, from a series of superficial changes applied in old relationships to a deep questioning of social conventions, marriage and the way in which the states of the world relate to this.

Since the gender studies related to the concept of patriarchy, for example, the existence of polyamory is very relevant, because considering it as an alternative to traditional romantic love makes it easier to argue that marriage and couple relationships are socially “kept afloat” for political reasons, rather than being a reflection of the way in which human biology predisposes us to relate.

The controversy is served

This sparks a lot of discussion in sociology, anthropology, and of course psychology, and as it goes deepening the study of this phenomenon, opposing positions will become clear, and different theories about what it is. polyamory.

Researchers and academics who emphasize the role of genes, such as many of the neuroscientists and of the evolutionary psychologists, possibly they will tend to underline the difficulties that free love entails and will point out that the types of polyamory most devoid of norms are relatively little extended.

On the contrary, supporters of the role of the environment and learning will continue to defend the idea that polyamory is one more evidence of our practically infinite capacity to invent new ways of relating and reinventing affectivity without being limited by our past evolutionary. Which of these two stories will have greater capacity to explain what polyamory is is something that, for the moment and in the absence of more data, we cannot consider.

Bibliographic references:

• Barker, M., and Langdridge, D. (2010). What ever happened to non-monogamies? Critical reflections on recent research and theory. Sexualities, 13, pp. 748 - 772.

• Díaz Morfa, J. cited in Barbancho, J. Polyamory comes out of the closet, consulted on 07/25/2016 at 4:45 p.m.

• Graham, N. (2014). Polyamory: A Call for Increased Mental Health Professional Awareness. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 43 (6), pp. 1031 - 1034.

• Sheff, E. (2013). The Polyamorists Next Door: Inside Multiple-Partner Relationships and Families. New York: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers.

• What Do Polys Want?: An Overview of the 2012 Loving More Survey, consulted on 07/25/2016 at 17:15

• Williams, D. J. and Prior, E. AND. (2015). Contemporary Polyamory: A Call for Awareness and Sensitivity in Social Work. Social Work, 60 (3), pp. 268 - 270.