Limits in Relationships: psychological and emotional keys

Relationships are one of the most important and intense experiences of our lives. They bring us well-being, experiencing an intimate bond, but they also lead us towards the greatest difficulties: fears, insecurities, guilt or frequent arguments. How to establish limits in relationships? Why are they so important?

In recent years (remember that we live in the era of over-information through social networks, which tends to confuse us more than it helps) we are constantly told about the importance of setting limitss. However, we do not reflect on what this implies and how to establish them.

Setting limits is not coercing others or making a relationship based on rigid agreements. Limits are a natural consequence of our decision making, which makes us live our relationships (both in terms of couple as friendly) with greater well-being, in a more constructive way, and being able to resolve the emotional conflicts that arise.

Understanding the limits in relationships

In this article we are going to delve into limits in relationships to resolve several aspects that condition us:

• What are boundaries in relationships and why are they so important?
• What are the main psychological and emotional keys
• How to set limits positively so that the relationship improves.

Everything I am going to tell you is based on my direct experience as a psychologist and coach accompanying people in their change and therapy processes for more than 11 years. In Human Empowerment You can read testimonials from those people. Let's go for it.

• Related article: "Assertiveness: 5 basic habits to improve communication"

Why boundaries are so important in our relationships

You will be able to understand this through the answers you give to these questions: what has happened to you? in your relationships (personal or as a couple) when you have given in too much to what others wanted others? What does it lead you to not express your interests, decisions or what you don't want to do? In your relationships, do you focus so much on the relationship that you forget about yourself, your other relationships or your own goals?

In all cases, the result is living with anxiety and insecurity, which leads us to not enjoy of relationships or even to live with frequent arguments full of demands or insecurities.

Why do so many complications occur in relationships? A relationship, above all, is an intimate bond where we experience well-being but it does not depend only on one, but is shared with another different person. Human beings are subjective and different, which is why in a relationship we dissolve and find it difficult to maintain our identity while sharing the experience with the other person.

This is why boundaries are so important. Setting limits is not forcing or not allowing, but rather expressing what you want, what you don't want, what you can or cannot., in such a way that you preserve your identity and self-esteem and the relationship develops in a healthy way.

Boundaries, ultimately, are the natural result of making decisions and living and relating with acceptance and trust. Why is it sometimes so difficult to put them together and even more so in relationships?

• You may be interested: "How do you know when to go to couples therapy? "5 compelling reasons"

Psychological and emotional keys that make it difficult for us to set limits

Setting limits in relationships or communicating assertively is not actually a strange technique, but rather the natural communication of human beings. Every person is born knowing how to establish limits by communicating what he wants and what he does not want, what he can or cannot, while respecting the other's decision (assertiveness is also accepting the other's decisions).

What prevents us from communicating assertively over time? These are the main keys.

1. Problems managing fear and insecurity

When we do not establish clear limits it is because we are afraid of the possible consequences.. We fear that the other person will react badly, believe that they don't care about us, or that an argument will arise. For this reason, we prefer to adapt and we lose the ability to set clear limits and express what we need.

2. Dependent or other-oriented self-esteem

If your well-being depends too much on external factors that we cannot control, we end up feeling anguish and insecurity, and over time, anxiety. If your self-esteem is oriented towards others, you will end up giving up too much and losing part of your identity.. This occurs especially at the beginning of a relationship when self-esteem is not functional.

• Related article: "Do you really know what self-esteem is?"

3. anxious state

Anxiety is a state of alert that makes us feel intense fear and tension. When faced with an anxious state, we usually do not set limits due to a very intense fear of the consequences, while at the same time we live with thoughts more or less constant intrusive situations where we wonder what others think or feel (which prevents us from setting clear and healthy).

The limits we need

The moment we learn to understand and manage these emotions and build a self-esteem that works (where your well-being It depends mainly on you) it is much easier to establish limits that lead us to feel better and thus live better relationships. honest Now, what are those limits?

Setting limits is not preventing others from making their own decisions. Nor is it demanding or coercing. Limits, as we talked about, are a natural consequence of making one's own decisions.. In a relationship we live an intimate bond but we do not have to share everything according to the same criteria. For this reason, to preserve our identity and enjoy the relationship more we need to know what is typical of the relationship and what is not.

Limits are like the seashore: it always moves. It's about deciding what we like to share as a couple and what we don't, what personal space we need, what we need and what type of experiences we don't like or want to live. For this, the most important thing is to know you. The quality of your relationship depends on two people, but you can only manage one: your own person and well-being.

A profound change in you to improve your relationships

Relationships are one of the most common reasons for needing to undergo a change or therapy process. However, it is important to understand that relationships are a system that depends on two, and working on this aspect is only useful from the individual area (which is the only one we can control).

When you focus your learning and therapy process on yourself, you focus on knowing yourself, discovering how you build relationships, how your self-esteem works, and apply the necessary changes to improve your well-being in a way stable.

To achieve this, it is important to have constant company (not just sporadic sessions), in addition to being able to work with all parts of your personality (self-esteem, emotion management, communication, belief system, etc.) and have a concrete action plan that will lead you to the change you you need.

Setting limits in your relationships is essential learning to be well and enjoy healthy relationships., but it is an experience that occurs when we work on all the psychological and emotional aspects involved. If this is what you want to achieve, do not hesitate to contact me through my personal profile and we can schedule a first session to get to know each other, see what is happening and how we can solve it.

I send you much encouragement, enthusiasm and commitment, Rubén Camacho. Psychologist and coach