The power of looking into each other's eyes

Humans are one of the few species of mammals in which a relatively large brain it is combined with a great capacity to process visual stimuli. We spend every day paying attention to the scenes that are happening before our eyes, imagining specific images and unconsciously judging the nonverbal language of the others, much of which is visual.

The visual experience, the one we like the most

In our spare time we love to satisfy our needs to be entertained through our eyes, and in order to see things even we are able to watch a succession of television commercials, something that from a rational perspective only benefits the advertiser.

Our brain is able to collect this apparent chaos of visual information and make sense of it, because it is made to accommodate a massive amount of data and prioritize certain aspects over others. It is not for nothing that approximately one third of the human brain is dedicated to processing visual information. It can be said that the look is one of our best weapons adaptation to the environment.

But there is a context in which the gaze is not simply a data collection tool. What happens when, instead of searching for important information in a continuous stream of moving figures and textures, one gaze meets another gaze? What processes are triggered when someone fixes their eyes on ours and vice versa?

Creating intimacy from the gaze

Eye contact appears to be closely related to the creation of intimate emotional bonds and the selection of potential partners. One study, for example, indicates that couples who are linked through a romantic relationship maintain eye contact for 75% of the time that they dedicate to a conversation with the other, while the normal thing in the rest of cases is to dedicate 30% to 60% of the weather. What's more, the better the quality of the relationship (measured through questionnaires), the more its members tend to look at each other.

But a reciprocated look is not a simple symptom of intimacy: it can also be a factor that contributes to creating that climate of intimacy. On an experiment A series of 72 people, strangers to each other, were placed face to face and asked to look into each other's eyes continuously for two minutes. Couples who followed these instructions to the letter showed a greater feeling of affection Y romantic love towards the other person, something that did not happen to the same extent if instead of looking into each other's eyes they looked at the other person's hands or concentrated on counting their blinks.

Why is this happening?

The eyes are one of the parts of the face that we focus the most on when we interact with someone. This, which seems natural and even obvious, is a rarity within the animal kingdom. However, our species has evolved to have extraordinary control of the muscles of the face that are around the eyes, and we are also especially good at recognizing the nuances and subtleties behind these little movements. That is why, to meet someone, this is one of our favorite parts to focus our attention, besides the mouth.

However, when we are not only looking at someone's eyes but that someone is looking back at us, the interaction changes completely when the Theory of mind, which can be briefly defined as our ability to think about what is going through the mind of the other person, which may be based on what they think goes through our minds, etc.

Somehow, the fewer barriers put to this transmission of information in real time in the form of a gaze held and reciprocated by the other person, the more intimate it becomes in context.

Between honesty and lies

When we meet a gaze that confronts us, We not only see eyes, but the possible image that we are giving mixed with the information that the other person reveals to us. This is why eye contact is a phenomenon in which insecurity and attunement can manifest as well as the creation of an intimate context.

In the negotiation between the information obtained from the other and that which is given about oneself, comfortably maintaining eye contact is a a symptom of comfort and security in what is said and done, while the opposite happens with aversion.

In fact, already in groups of 6-year-old children a tendency has been found to associate eye contact with honesty and aversion to the other's gaze with lying, while those who look away may do so because they do not have the ability to focus their attention on the other's gaze and at the same time maintain a false image of themselves that seems coherent.

Spontaneity is rewarded

Holding someone's gaze seems to have a relatively high cognitive cost (it deconcentrates us), and if in addition we do this deliberately and not subconsciously, the difficulty of maintaining an agile and stimulating dialogue can decay. In this way, people who express their affinity with someone through spontaneous mutual glances and not fully planned have an advantage over those who attempt to maintain eye contact as if it were a imposition.

Definitely, those who have less reason to lie (verbally or gesturally) about themselves are able to make mutual eye contact last longer. We can conclude from this that to benefit from the power to hold the gaze, it is not enough to try to put it into practice, but rather to go hand in hand with a well-developed self-esteem and the belief that what we can offer to the other person will serve for the mutual benefit.

Bibliographic references:

• Einav, S. and Hood, B. M. (2008). Tell-tale eyes: children’s attribution of gaze aversion as a lying cue. Developmental Psychology, 44 (6), pp. 1655 - 1667.

• Kellerman, J., Lewis, J and Laird, J. D. (1989). Looking and loving: the effects of mutual gaze on feelings of romantic love. Journal of Research on Personality, 23 (2), pp. 145 - 161.

• Rubin, Z. (1970). Measurement of romantic love. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 16 (2), pp. 265 - 273.