Infidelity: causes and consequences

Infidelity is one of the situations that can cause the greatest damage to a person. Whether we suffer it or if we commit it, it can finally generate discomfort and other negative symptoms.

But... What are the most common causes? How can we detect it? How to cushion or repair the consequences? In the following article we are going to deepen and analyze in detail the phenomenon of infidelity.

• Related article: "The 5 types of couples therapy"

What is an infidelity?

First we are going to define what is infidelity. Although it may seem obvious to us, this concept may have different nuances depending on the person who answers. One of the definitions that most of us agree on is that it is an act involving treason. A betrayal for being a situation that breaks the norms or values ​​on which a relationship is sustained.

However, those norms or rules that the members of a couple agree to abide by may be different from other relationships. In this way, there are more open couples in which relationships with other people are allowed but who also have established limits in terms of affection or emotions, for example; and other couples in which the simple act of unintentional flirting can pose a threat and are labeled as infidelity.

In conclusion, an infidelity will be the breaking by one of the members of the couple of these established "norms" (previously or taken for granted over time).

What are the reasons for being unfaithful?

There are many reasons why we can commit an infidelity, both men and women. According to scientific evidence, both sexes tend to share the causes and origins that drive them to commit infidelity.

We must bear in mind that each person is different thanks to their belief system, schemes, values ​​and experiences, and therefore not all people will react the same or come to commit a infidelity. However, between The most common causes that can lead us to commit an infidelity include the following.

1. Finding ourselves immersed in a routine or monotony that does not satisfy us

The need to want something new may emerge, to yearn for another stage of life in which there was no partner, or simply to seek an escape route that gives us back the "illusion and motivation". Leading a "double life" can seem exciting as a fantasy, and sometimes we can carry them out without thinking about the consequences.

2. Sexual desire

Desire or attraction for the partner may have been lost. There are different stages in a relationship that can involve a decrease in sexual desire; if this is not worked on, over time it could be a cause for cheating.

3. Dissatisfaction with the partner

That is, we do not feel complete within the relationship, and there may be emotional, sexual, attention or other deficiencies. This would lead to looking to third parties for those unmet needs.

4. Find a new partner

It is the Tarzan effect, in which you are not able to release a vine until you have another. People who are terrified of being single.

5. Revenge

Sometimes we can be spiteful and conclude that if our partner has made us suffer, they deserve infidelity, losing guilt easily and feeling that it is a righteous act.

6. Personal insufficiency and low self-esteem

If we underestimate ourselves and also value our partner as better than us as a sexual individual, that can lead to a tendency to want to "be in the market" and feel desired (increasing our self-esteem).

• You may be interested in: "Low selfsteem? When you become your worst enemy "

Oh... the consequences are coming

If infidelity has already happened, the star question is... Will they catch me or could I catch my partner? Do I tell it or do I hide it? In this issue there are also many factors at play, since it depends on the type of infidelity and the people involved. Recurring infidelity is not the same as a sporadic infidelity or face-to-face or digital infidelity.

However, in most cases there is a tendency to hide the fact (eyes that do not see ...) and to have the intention of continuing the relationship without considering whether it is time for a breakup or not. In this way, some of the possible immediate consequences are the following.

On the one hand, changes in the unfaithful person. Changes in your routine, mood swings, changes in your physique (usually better appearance in clothes or new perfumes), greater vigilance of your privacy such as the phone or passwords.

For the other, behaviors of the unfaithful person that cushion guilt or focused on achieving implicit forgiveness, such as giving gifts to the couple for no apparent reason. Take the conversation out of a possible breakup because the relationship is not in a good time.

In addition, the emotions that the members of the couple may experience will also be different. On the one hand, the person who has suffered the most infidelity will feel anger, hopelessness, and her self-esteem may be affected. On the other hand, the person who has committed the infidelity may feel guilt and shame.

Can there be a relationship after an infidelity?

Of course, yes, you can continue the relationship after one or multiple infidelities. Power can be... but the correct question is whether that relationship will be healthy or not. In most cases, the relationship will not be the same, and if it was in a bad moment the situation will surely worsen.

With the betrayal and rupture of those values ​​or norms established in the relationship, distrust will be a present fact. Finally, Lack of confidence will lead to other negative consequences: insecurity, jealousy, control, arguments, reproaches, etc. At this point there will be two paths, continue without well-being or end the relationship.

How to avoid some causes and consequences of infidelity?

The best option is to put yourself in the hands of a good psychology professional. Couples Therapy is a very effective therapy modality in any of the stages in which you find yourself. Before ending the relationship, you must allow yourself to try this "last cartridge".

The therapist will be an impartial professional, will not judge or find guilty. Its objective is to understand your situations, behaviors and emotions objectively. At PsicoAlmería we perform both face-to-face and online therapies, we are specialists in couples therapy.

During therapy we work on all aspects of the relationship, identifying weaknesses and providing skills or tools that will help you solve your problems. You will learn the reason for the situations you are going through, you will understand the emotions and feelings both your own and those of the couple. You will set objectives that will be fulfilled; An infidelity can in many cases be a strengthening in the healthy continuation of the relationship.

After completing the therapy, you will not only come out strengthened as individuals, but you will have acquired the skills and learning necessary to establish a good foundation that will continue in the future.