The Importance of Teen Standards at Home

From 13 to 14 years old, the relationship with adolescents changes. The time they spent with adults as reference figures disappears and they begin to focus on establishing relationships with their peers. Although this is completely normal, it directly affects the way they interact in the family environment.

Today we bring you some keys to improve coexistence and promote a better understanding about how we establish family rules for teens to create an environment that fosters good development and learning skills.

• Related article: "The 3 stages of adolescence"

Being on top… Results?

"Being on top" could be the star technique of most parents. When they were younger, it was a war of attrition and it was difficult for them to perform the tasks we asked of them, but in the end they gave in.

But does this strategy work? Do they improve their behavior? Usually we find that As they get older, the feeling of "hitting a wall" when we use this strategy to tackle problems also grows in the same way.. Not only that, as children grow older, the number of concerns also increases with their autonomy, as well as the number of decisions they want to make.

Why do we set standards for teenagers?

These are the reasons why it is important to set clear rules.

Improve coexistence

There is no doubt that this is the main objective of parents when considering establishing family rules for their children. However, the improvement of coexistence is the result of the following points.

Learn the skills that allow them to operate independently

This is the main objective of the norms in adolescents: teach them to take the consequences of their behavior and responsibilities. In this way, they will be able to adjust their behavior based on the results obtained.

Prevent risk behaviors in settings where parents are not present

The home environment is a safe place where they can learn skills that will allow them to behave in a safe and healthy way in the future: say no, set limits, express what they want, responsible consumption, relationship with drugs, preventive risk behaviors ...

• You may be interested in: "Is my son addicted to new technologies?"

Keys to building norms

As we have seen, by way of summary the main reason for setting standards for adolescents is make them aware of and responsible for their behavior. But... How to put this into practice?

The rules of coexistence must be clear, specific and concise. Remember, the objective is to hold the adolescent responsible for her actions and, therefore, to be able to modify them. That said, the standard should include the following elements:

• Concrete behavior: one behavior is "get home at 9:00 PM" instead of "on time". You need to specify specific actions to be able to indicate when the desired behavior exists or not.
• When to do it: It is important to establish schedules and routines that must be followed.
• Who: Who is responsible for carrying out this specific act.
• How to do it: Be specific and concrete.
• Consequences: The consequences of taking the required actions will be determined. The management of privileges and the effective use of punishment will have to be taken into account.

Motivating and promoting desired behaviors

These are the key elements to stay motivated in compliance. By following these guidelines, living with a teenage son or daughter will be much more positive and they will develop better skills for their adulthood..

1. That there is consensus

It is important to establish norms throughout the family and involve our child in you see that you are playing an active role in setting the rules of coexistence.

2. Make them realistic

The rules should be adjusted according to the possibilities of your child. It is important to be able to achieve them, that is, a level of requirements must be established that allows them to be achieved, and gradually increase responsibilities and difficulties as you master the skills of the more standards simple.

3. That there are reinforcements

Assess behaviors, academic grades, efforts, make their favorite food, take their wishes into account, even as parents, you decide how to manage them. These reinforcements strengthen the adolescent-parent bond and help maintain the limits established for coexistence..

4. Pay attention to desired behavior

We tend to pay more attention to behavior that causes us problems and annoys us. However, it often happens that once our child behaves in accordance with the behavior normal or the behavior we want it to get, we assume it as "this is what you have to do". It is important to change our "radar" approach: pointing out the desired behavior and acknowledging effort is a key part to promote this behavior.

5. Role models

Our behavior as parents serves as a role model. Consistency between the desired norms and the behavior we show in front of our children is important. The most important thing is that both parents must set the same limits and be firm in the face of consequences through teamwork. This will create a stable situation so that adolescents better understand their role and achieve the desired behavior sooner.

6. Give space and express

The rules must be adjusted according to changing needs and coexistence. It is important to create a space where adolescents can express themselves, debate the rules, share their concerns, and feel heard.