The 8 types of grief and their characteristics

Grief is one of the hardest experiences that a human being can go through throughout his life. Although many people associate it with death, this phenomenon can also occur when our hearts are broken or when we lose a job after many years in the same position; it occurs, in general, in situations in which something happens that we interpret as a loss.

Undoubtedly, get over the duel It is complicated, so the person must go through a series of stages to be well again. It is a very painful experience and each individual has a personal way of living it. In addition, there are several types of griefTherefore, it is difficult to talk about a sequence of actions to be performed to assimilate this experience in the best possible way. In this article we delve into the different kinds of grief and their characteristics.

The 5 phases of mourning

Over the years, some theories have emerged about the phases through which a person goes through a period of mourning. One of the best known is that of psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, published in 1969 in the book On death and dying.

The idea of ​​it is based on the existence 5 stages of grief. However, these five phases do not always occur with the same placement and sequentially, that is, not all people in the grieving phase have to go through the 5 stages. Also, when they go through they do not have to always appear in the same order.

According to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's theory, the stages of grief are:

1. Denial

The first of the phases is negation, which is characterized by the person does not accept reality (consciously or unconsciously). This occurs as a defense mechanism and is perfectly normal. In this way, the individual reduces the anxiety of the moment.

The real problem occurs when people get stuck at this stage by not being able to cope with traumatic change, so they ignore it as a defensive response. The death of a loved one, of course, is not particularly easy to avoid and cannot be avoided indefinitely.

2. Anger or anger

The sadness can lead a person to suffer anger and rage and to seek guilty. This anger can manifest itself in different ways, blaming yourself or blaming others, and it can be projected against animals and objects.

3 - Negotiation

In this stage, the pain leads to the search for a fictitious negotiation. In fact, many people who face death they try to negotiate even with a divine force.

Other people, those with minor trauma, may carry out other negotiations or compromises. For example "Can we still be friends?" or "I will accomplish this for you." Negotiation rarely provides a sustainable solution, but it can reduce the pain of the moment.

4 - Depression

The impact of the loss of someone close can lead a person to a very painful situation, which comes accompanied by enormous sadness and an existential crisis, realizing that this person disappears from his lifetime. Even if symptoms resemble depressive disorderOnce the situation is accepted, the symptoms remit.

• Related article: "Existential crisis: when we do not find meaning in our life”

5 - Acceptance

This stage happens when this painful situation has been accepted and it depends on the resources of each one to accept it sooner or later. It is not a stage that represents joy, but rather emotional detachment and understanding of what may have happened. If the person spends a long time in the grieving process and does not accept the situation, it is necessary to seek psychological help to overcome it.

Types of losses

Since the stage of grief does not necessarily have to occur for the loss of a loved one, before moving on to the types of grief we will move on to the different kinds of losses that can occur:

• Relational losses: They have to do with the loss of people. That is, separations, divorce, death of loved ones, etc.
• Loss of capabilities: Occurs when an individual loses physical and / or mental abilities. For example, for a limb amputation.
• Material losses: It occurs before the loss of objects, possessions and, ultimately, material losses.
• Evolutionary losses: They are the changes of the stages of life: old age, retirement, etc. Not everyone fits this situation the same.

Not all losses generate grief, however, depending on resources or other psychological variables (such as self-esteem or lack of social skills) of each, losses can cause discomfort and suffering for more or less weather.

Types of grief

What are the types of grief that exist? Below you can find the different types of duel.

1. Anticipated grief

The anticipated duel is one that occurs before death has occurred. It is common when a disease that has no cure is diagnosed. The grieving process is the usual one, in which the person experiences various anticipatory feelings and emotions that will prepare him emotionally and intellectually for the inevitable loss.

Anticipated grief is a prolonged grieving process, not as acute as the rest, since when death comes it is often experienced, in part, as calming.

2. Unresolved grief

The unresolved duel, as the name suggests, means that the grieving phase is still present. However, the type of grief that happens when a certain time (between 18 and 24 months) has passed and it has not yet been overcome is usually called this way.

3. Chronic grief

Chronic grief is also a kind of unresolved grief, which does not remit over time and lasts for years. Also called pathological grief or complicated grief.

Pathological grief can occur when the person is unable to stop reliving in detail and vivid events related to death, and everything that happens reminds him of that experience.

4. Duel absent

This type of duel refers to when the person denies that the events occurred. Therefore, it is the stage of denial that we have talked about previously, in which the individual continues to avoid reality despite a long time having passed. That is, the person has been stuck in this phase because he does not want to face the situation.

5. Delayed duel

It is similar to the normal duel, with the difference that it starts after a while. It is usually part of the absent duel, and is also called a frozen duel. It usually appears in people who control their emotions excessively and are apparently strong. For example, a person who has children and must be shown in full.

Delayed grief usually occurs when the person who suffers it, at first, you have to take care of many things that require your immediate attention, such as caring for a family.

6. Inhibited duel

Inhibited grief occurs when there is a difficulty in expressing feelings, so the person avoids the pain of loss. It is usually associated with somatic complaints. The limitations of the individual's personality prevent him from crying or expressing grief. Unlike absent grief, it is not a defense mechanism.

7. Unauthorized duel

This type of duel occurs when the environment that surrounds the person does not accept their grief. For example, when a long time has elapsed, the family reproaches the person for continuing to grieve. She represses her feelings towards the family, but internally she has not overcome it.

Many times, this type of mourning occurs when the person who died or left forever had an associated stigma and she was excluded, at least for the close environment of the person who suffers it (for example, his family). Expressing grief can become a symbolic act that subverts certain political and social ideas. For example, if the absent person was someone's homosexual partner and the family does not approve of this type of relationship.

8. Distorted grief

The distorted duel manifests itself as a strong disproportionate reaction to the situation. It usually occurs when the person has already experienced a previous grief and is facing a new grief situation.

For example, he may have experienced the death of a father, and when an uncle dies, he also relives the death of his father, leading to a much more intense, painful and disabling situation.

Bibliographic references:

• Team Vértice (2010). Grief and funeral care. Editorial Verticebook.

• Payás Puigarnau, Alba. The tasks of mourning. Grief psychotherapy from an integrative-relational model. Madrid: Paidós, 2010. ISBN 9788449324239.

• Worden, William J. Treatment of grief: psychological counseling and therapy. Barcelona: Paidós, 2004.ISBN 9788449316562.