Liquid love: the commodification of love in the 21st century

Liquid love is the prevailing romantic philosophy of our time.

It is likely that, at some point in your life, you have heard of the Polish sociologist Zygmunt Bauman and of his concept "liquid love". The enunciation could not be more graphic: liquid love, an image that is the perfect metaphor for something common in our society: the fragility of romantic relationships.

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Liquid love: defining the concept

It is typical of the information and consumer society in which we find ourselves. People give more value to the present experience, to freedom without any type of ties, to punctual and not very responsible consumption and to the immediate satisfaction of bodily and intellectual needs. Everything that does not meet the requirement of immediacy, of "use and throw away", is discarded.

Liquid love, then, refers to the fragility of sentimental ties, he alludes to the need not to establish deep emotional roots with the people we come across in life, in order to remain emotionally disconnected and thus be able to fit into an environment in constant mutation. However, liquid love does not only refer to our relationships with others, but also to our relationship with ourselves, since Bauman considers that we live in a culture that stands out for the "liquidity of self-love" of the individuals.

Related article: "Mature love: why is the second love better than the first?"

Loving others starts with yourself

Many people fail to understand that to love another individual deeply you need to love yourself first. This, which is a reality that few doubt, is not usually the basis on which many are built couple relationships, in which other values ​​and needs prevail that have little to do with the emotional well-being.

This is one of the shortcomings of our culture, which pushes us to have a partner even when what is necessary would be for individuals to get to know each other and build their self esteem before going out to seek emotional and sentimental support in another human being. This brings us to the emotional dependenceThat is, to depend on the approval and esteem of others to sustain our self-esteem, which can cause us suffering and discomfort.

Liquid love in individualistic culture

Western culture, in many cases, does not compel us to create long-term bonds of trust, and many people have serious difficulties feeling accompanied and loved. This tendency not to create lasting relationships is explained by the great responsibility and significance that this would entail, a "stumbling block" that we are not motivated to assume.

It can also be due to the fear of feeling disappointed or hurt. The fear of love or philophobia It tends to paralyze us and avoid anything that sounds like commitment, making it impossible for us to create solid and deep relationships.

Liquid connection versus long-term love

Zygmunt Bauman develops in his multiple essays various theories and reflections on love in our time. Today, he asserts, love relationships are based more on physical attraction than deep connection on a more personal level. They are relationships marked by the individualism of both members, in which the contact is ephemeral, and this is known in advance, which increases their condition of sporadic and superficial relationship. A love that is born to be consumed and consummated, but never to be sublimated.

Bauman's idea of ​​liquid love puts the individualism of our societies in the spotlight, the constant search for the immediate satisfaction of our desires, the experiences of using and disposing and the commodification of personal relationships. Hence the notion of liquid love appears, in the yes of a society that does not want to show emotions strong and durable, but prefers to jump from flower to flower on the lookout for fleeting pleasures and bland. Is he multitasking mode applied to the world of couple relationships.

The virtual world and its influence on the emergence of ephemeral love

Perhaps the appearance of social media and new technologies have played a role in consolidating this trend suffered by many people. We live in a world in constant change, where the virtual and the real are confused with amazing ease.

Sometimes this can make the most sensitive people desperate, because the high pace of life makes it extremely difficult for us to connect with other people on an emotional level.

Mercantile values, mercantile loves

If we maintain relationships with an expiration date, it is because society pushes us to do so, to have increasingly weak and flexible links, to put down few roots wherever we go. This is how they educate us, this is how we are. We teach children that they can have toys and gadgets technological technologies if they pass the following exam, and we are introducing them into a commercial culture where one you should only feel motivated by the rewards you get in exchange for your work, thus canceling the intrinsic motivations and the genuine tastes of each person.

This promotes the feeling that not only objects but also people are consumable, and therefore potential sexual partners are objectified. That person who attracts us It is nothing more than a piece of meat that must be tasted, and it is not necessary that we worry about their desires, concerns, needs, tastes ... How are we going to connect emotionally with someone if we are only interested in having something carnal?

Liquid love and objectification

Another of the great pillars on which liquid love sustains is the objectification of people. That is, the tendency to perceive and value people as objects, things. Means, after all, to an end: physical pleasure, social acceptance of others, etc.

Liquid love would be conveyed through objectification because this gives the opportunity to create relationships that can be largely undone. Therefore, flexibility when interacting with other people would go hand in hand with the lack of empathy towards them.

Possible reflections to put liquid love in check

Obviously, we must combat the scale of values ​​of our societies to combat liquid love and its undesirable effects in our well-being. Human beings are not objects that wait to be consumed: we think, we yearn for, we fail, we feel... To begin to subvert the order established, it is necessary to begin to value ourselves more, and to feel that we are worthy of being respected and valued, in the same way as any other individual.

Liquid love can be fun but it is also fleeting, which can leave us a sense of existential emptiness. Consumerist people are always eager to buy more things, but that does not make them happy because the material always ends up vanishing. Do we want to be consumer also with personal relationships?

Causes of liquid love

1. Unsafety

One of the causes of liquid love is insecurity and lack of self-esteem. If we do not perceive ourselves as fully capable and deserving of having a serious, loyal relationship and deep, it is difficult for us to find a person who does want to maintain a close bond with us.

2. Low selfsteem

Continuing with the previous point, insecurity and poor self-esteem are two sides of the same coin. If we only seek to momentarily satisfy our need for relationships, it is because we do not have emotionally mature enough to get in touch deeply with that person who attracts. We do not want to jeopardize our emotional well-being by giving ourselves too quickly to someoneWhich is fine but it can hurt us if we take it to an extreme and put on a shield before others.

On the other hand, if we trust ourselves we can advance little by little, noting what the wishes of the another person and being able to develop good feelings reciprocally, with more lasting relationships and stable. A well-understood commitment is born from the union of interests and tastes, and also of the tenderness that both people profess.

3. Slavery

If we want to be happier, Bauman sentences, we have to be inspired by two universal values: freedom and security. To avoid slavery is to recognize that the two values ​​mentioned must coexist in harmony. That is the key to love and one of the maxims for a sentimental partner to work.