7 differences between love and obsession

Love is such an overwhelming and intense feeling that, normally, it is difficult to recognize where its limits are. When it arrives, the hormones from our brain begin to flood the nervous system in a very different way than they were. they did before, and a new way of perceiving things takes control of what we do, what we believe and what we say.

That's why it's not easy recognize the differences between love and obsession with a person. Both experiences share many elements, but getting to confuse them can be very detrimental to both our social life and our own emotional health.

• Related article: "The 7 differences between love and emotional dependence"

Learn to recognize feelings

emotional intelligence It consists, among other things, in knowing how to detect types of emotions and feelings that affect us on a day-to-day basis, and in acting accordingly with this private "diagnosis". It is a skill in which more and more emphasis is placed from the new educational models, but Unfortunately, adults are not exempt from the problems posed by a lack of ability in this class. of capacities.

Confusing love with obsession, for example, is very common, and on many occasions it is even believed that true love has the manic characteristics of the second element. As if the obsession were more love than love itself.

Somehow, an idealized and highly toxic vision of romantic love can distort this concept so much that pain and the anguish that these types of relationships produce are perceived as something positive, part of the sacrifice that is supposed to be love. But this problem disappears if we know and understand well the differences between obsession and love, which are many and very relevant.

• You may be interested in: "What is emotional intelligence? Discovering the importance of emotions"

Main differences between love and obsession

These keys to distinguish between these psychological phenomena can help to have a much richer and more rewarding emotional life and, incidentally, to avoid toxic relationships.

1. jealousy vs. Respect for the space of others

When someone experiences love for someone, they do so by embracing the idea that the other person's life belongs entirely to the latter, and therefore nor does it consider interfering in what the other does. This, in turn, has another consequence: since what the other person does is the other person's responsibility, there is no point in monitoring their movements or trying to put up barriers to their freedom.

On the other hand, in the event that you feel obsessed with someone, the other person becomes a problem that you feel is your own. This causes jealousy to appear.

• Related article: "The 5 reasons why partner jealousy appears"

2. Reification of the other vs. Humanely

In obsession, each member of the couple understands themselves as property of the other, which gives rise to very harmful paradoxes: who has the right to decide what the other should do, in what contexts?

In love, on the other hand, one never loses sight of the fact that the other is a human being, like any other, and that you should enjoy your rights and freedoms in your day to day. Consequently, unilateral impositions cannot be accepted as something normal.

3. Sick exclusivity vs. Realism

Where there is an obsession with a person, there is the idea that the relationship with them is predestined to be exclusive; In other words, regardless of what the people involved want, they must create a kind of emotional bunker between them and never get out of there.

In love, on the other hand, the vision that one has about fidelity is much more sensible, since it is not based so much on exclusivity "as a rule" but on honesty and transparency. Here, each one is committed, but it is assumed that there is no unbreakable rule about what the relationship should be, since it depends entirely on the people who compose it.

• Related article: "Polyamory: what is it and what types of polyamorous relationships are there?"

4. Based on low self-esteem vs. based on relationship

In the obsession, the other person is perceived as an element that we lack and without which it is difficult to live. That is to say, the reason for the relationship that one seeks to have with someone is largely a low self-esteem.

In love, on the other hand, the other person is seen as something that complements us.

5. Search for substitutions vs. Acceptance

When a love relationship breaks up, after a stage of mourning comes acceptance.

In the case of obsession, however, acceptance can be a long time coming, or even may not occur, especially if psychological help is not available.

6. Blame the other vs. Assume responsibilities

Another of the great differences between obsession and love is that in the former, the other person's lack of interest is used as a throwing weapon against them, and often emotional blackmail is attempted to make you feel guilty. This does not happen in the case of love, since it is understood that no one has the right to condition our freedom in this way.

7. empathy vs. Patches to problems

Where there is love, relationship problems are solved through empathy and communication. Instead, people who are obsessed with others try to create a fiction that allows them to see that everything remains the same, without having to face the root of the problem, for fear of losing control of the situation.