Being an 'amateur' or a 'lover' in love

The heart on fire and the blurred thought. Insomnia. Sometimes it's hard for us to put our own state into words.

A few do not love the other so much, but love the fact of loving. Thus, the person who is loved does not matter much and can be changed, the lover can "flirt", because, ultimately, he does not love anyone but himself, he only loves the fact of "being in love".

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The search for similarity in love

When the "soul mate" is found, one meets another person because they look alike; they have the same tastes, the same rejections, they like the same places, the same series, movies and the same music. It's all about the attraction to what I look like.

But all this is also bad for love, because loving the other just because he is like me, would be to be in a very primitive and narcissistic relationship. Instead of leaning towards the other person, we lean towards ourselves. He would be loving me this way twice, in the other person, and in me. It is a love that only revolves around itself. There is no delivery.

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The attraction of opposites

There is also the "attraction of opposites", which It is usually expressed with the phrase "we complement each other very well".

This can become a false form of love, because I look for what I lack in the other, because I am incomplete and I need to transform myself into a complete unit. A perfect person, who lacks nothing. In short, here too, one loves oneself.

Common mistakes

The positive aspects of a person, such as their physique, their talents and gifts, their economic and/or social status, they should not be the cause of a loving feeling. The person should be loved for who he is and not for what he has. Loving someone for who they are generates admiration and adoration. Amateurs choose parts of the person, true lovers choose the whole person.

Friendship can withstand the distance of time and space, two friends who stop seeing each other for a while, meet again and pick up the conversation right there, where they left off long ago. Love, on the other hand, finds it difficult to bear distance and physical absence. Hugs, cuddles, caresses, orgasms, are needs of the body.

Love can lead us to encounters without dialogue, or, on the contrary, to live together and believe that we are one. In the first case, love breaks and suffers, and in the second, there is no longer a person who loves, nor a person who is loved.

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There is no one who is "made" for the other

It is in the space of endless absence, where a loving encounter takes place. It happens miraculously. We consider lucky those who experience this encounter that occurs, purely by chance.

The loving instinct leads us to wrap our bodies. On the other hand, pure love, outside of sexuality, love for what the person is, is a greater love. After pure love, we would already be talking about a mystical crush, which would border on madness.

Love is related to desire, because, like this, it never ends. There is never anything that really turns it off.

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Outward love and inward love

Loving everyone is the best way to love yourself, and deep down, not to love anyone. If one thinks of his own good, before that of the other, then it is not love. The lover gives and does not expect to receive. Too much self-love hinders the possibility of loving another. There's no room for the other. It would then be an amateur who takes refuge in his power, in his pleasure and enjoys his solitude, treasures it like gold. He prefers to bear, alone, his own pressures, before agreeing to something with the other.

To be a lover, one must put aside arrogance, self-sufficiency, one's own interests. The lover makes the other shine, removes his fears, gives him strength, makes him more desirable, emphasizes his intelligence, believes in his abilities, and encourages him. He is also nervous, stormy, insecure, goes through yelling, bickering and reconciliations, constantly negotiating, calming down, and exploding again. One lover loves everything in the other.