Philophobia (fear of falling in love): what is it, causes and frequent symptoms

Philphobia is one more example of a very curious phenomenon: wherever the human imagination and our ability to think in complex concepts, there may be a specific phobia based on ideas abstract. We are capable of developing irrational fears in the face of elements that are neither material nor have occurred still: phobias can be born from the simple anticipation of an event that does not have to happen to us never.

And what is the fear that is the engine of Philosophobia? Nothing more and nothing less than the fear of love, something that can make us isolate ourselves and reject any possibility of meeting new people due to the terror produced by the possibility of establishing too strong an emotional bond.

What is Philphobia?

There are many types of phobias that people can experience and many psychologists deal with patients who suffer from them on a daily basis. As we saw weeks ago, the chemistry of love alters hormone and chemical levels in the brain and can cause nine surprising side effects.

One of the most curious phobias is the phobia of being in love, or Philophobia. This anxiety problem can have an effect on the social and emotional life of the person who suffers from it. In severe cases, the philophobic may not only avoid potential love affairs, but may also stop associating with co-workers, neighbors, friends, and family.

The act of falling in love can be one of the most incredible experiences that human beings can feel, but for a philosophobic, it can become a situation that produces a terrible feeling of discomfort and high levels ofemotional and physical stress.

Philophobia can be highly disabling, and in severe cases it can lead to a situation of social isolation. This type of alteration is capable of generating a snowball effect that ends up generating derived emotional and relational problems.

Is it a psychological disorder?

Philophobia is not mentioned in the most widely used diagnostic manuals in clinical psychology and psychiatry, so it is not there is a consensual and "official" definition of what is a problem related to the management of anxiety and emotions. However, it can be included in the specific phobias, which do appear with their own section in these books.

And it is that phobias are a type of anxiety disorder that can reach a variety of forms almost infinite, as many as phobic stimuli can produce anguish or fear in certain people. That is why in psychotherapy it is possible to treat patients with Philophobia even without using this word; simply, the person is helped by adapting the psychological intervention to their case and assuming certain principles of mental health that are fulfilled in the case of phobias and similar problems.

Some common 'symptoms' of Philphobia

This leads us to the fact that there are people who fear to surrender, fall in love or establish strong personal relationships. They only live relationships without commitment, they speak little about themselves, they avoid showing themselves as they are, put an "insurmountable barrier" not to feel vulnerable, tend to establish simultaneous relationships by the same fear that they have of being abandoned and their relationships are a roller coaster of emotions with ups and downs constant.

On a physical level, they present symptoms when they are in the presence of the person of the opposite sex to whom they feel physical and emotional attraction. Some of these symptoms would be: classic panic attacks, gastrointestinal disorders, irregular heartbeat, sweating, shortness of breath and a desire to leave the situation as soon as possible, such as Defense mechanism to avoid feeling all these anxious symptoms.

In psychology and psychiatry there are different opinions regarding this disorder. But it seems that what triggers Philophobia is an intense feeling of failure in a past relationship that has not been overcome. This school of thought holds that the patient suffering from Philphobia has wounds from a divorce or a painful heartbreak process that makes you avoid any potential situation of being hurt again by a crush. Other professionals think that Philophobia is born from an intense fear of being rejected.

Neither of these two theories has been proven, so there is no definitive answer as to what is the reason that leads certain people who experience traumatic relationships to hold on to pain and not overcome them.

What can I do if I suffer from Philophobia?

If you are one of those people who are afraid of falling in love, you have to bear in mind that you are not alone, that there are many people to the same thing that happens to you and that, if you follow a series of tips and guidelines, it is likely that you will be able to overcome the Philphobia.

Below I offer you a total of four tips and strategies so that you can overcome this fear of start romantic relationships, although you should bear in mind that this problem can only remit if you put your part; neither the readings on the Internet nor the words of a psychotherapist will do magic. It is your responsibility to implement certain habits and strategies in your life to make Philosophobia stop being a problem.

1. Expose yourself to fear

In less severe cases of the disorder, simple exposure to fear is a good way to overcome it. On many occasions we think too much about the negative consequences and then we realize that it was not so bad.

In other cases, Philophobia is generated mainly by the fact of having had a bad experience in the very few attempts to have a loving contact with someone, so exposing yourself more to love helps that terrifying mirage of affective relationships fade away.

What is clear is that fleeing or avoiding these situations will only cause this disorder to reaffirm itself more and stay alive. Therefore, we cannot refuse to live a love just because it scares us.

2. Live the present

To try to have true emotional control the relationship must be lived day by day, that is, Live the present. Try to leave behind irrational thoughts created by past experiences and future expectations. Each situation and person is different from the others, so we must focus our attention on the present moment without seeing much beyond. In this way, we will control the anxiety associated with this phobia.

The Mindfulness or mindfulness, is a therapeutic procedure that seeks, above all, that the emotional aspects and other processes of non-verbal character, are accepted and lived in their own condition, without being avoided or control them. These psychological techniques based on eastern meditation will help you live from day to day and improve your interpersonal relationships. If you have the opportunity to try it, do not hesitate.

3. Express your fears

Communication is a key factor in any relationship and to be able to feel stronger when facing it. Must make our partner or family participate in what happens to us. Making another trusted person aware of our fears will help us to better understand our reactions and therefore emotional tension will be reduced.

4. Give yourself the time

These types of emotional blocks usually occur because we still have some painful episodes that cloud our minds. It is not a good idea that we want to overcome our fears overnight. Emotional conflicts can take a few days, weeks, and even months to heal. Forcing yourself to relate to others in an intimate way is not a good idea if we are still emotionally devastated.

Give yourself the time to focus your life correctly, do not be overwhelmed by something that time, little by little, will solve. But once the significant recovery that occurs in the first weeks has occurred, you have to leave the area comfort and admit that overcoming these irrational fears will require more of us than good intentions: it takes action.

5. Go to a professional

As Philphobia is an anxiety disorder caused by previous negative experiences, family or relationship, it is recommended to go to a health professional if it is not possible to overcome it alone. The cognitive behavioral therapy and affective desensitization have been shown to be very effective in overcoming phobic disorders.

However, in the case of Philophobia, the psychotherapeutic intervention is more complex, because it is not so easy to expose oneself in a controlled way to the possibility of falling in love; After all, what is causing fear is not an animal or an object that is easy to identify and monitor. This means that the work carried out outside the psychology consultation and agreed with the therapist takes on special importance.

The fear of falling in love: an abstract fear

Our most irrational fears do not have to be linked to specific animals, objects or environments, but can awaken from the possibility of feeling certain emotions. And how many emotions are there that are more intense than love? Something that makes Philophobia something very problematic is the impossibility of "isolating" the source of fear, as could be done for example in the case of phobia of spiders. In Philosophobia, any situation that is felt that can trigger the consolidation of emotional ties typical of falling in love is totally rejected in advance.

The latter is detrimental in two ways. On the one hand, it makes falling in love impossible, a state of emotional activation that has moments associated with very intense happiness. People with Philphobia may feel that they reject falling in love and, at the same time, wish they could experience it without fear to be able to enjoy its good things. On the other hand, this fear predisposes people to isolate themselves socially, something that can lead to the appearance of a feeling of loneliness and sadness and that, in addition, is correlated with the adoption of unhealthy lifestyle habits Y a shorter life expectancy.

Thus, Philosophobia can become a disabling problem for the person who suffers it, provided that its intensity is very high. Knowing how to detect this problem and decide to address it through psychotherapy is the first step tomitigate your symptoms and to return to embrace a way of life capable of generating happiness.

Bibliographic references:

• Cavallo, V. (1998). International Handbook of Cognitive and Behavioral Treatments for Psychological Disorders. Pergamon. pp. 5-6.
• Dalgleish, T., Dunn, B., Mobbs, D. (2009). Affective neuroscience: Past, present and future [Electronic Version]. Emotion Review, 1 (4), pp. 355 - 368.
• Gendron, M. and Barrett, E. (2009). Reconstructing the Past: A Century of Ideas About Emotion in Psychology [Electronic Version]. Emotion Review, 1 (4), pp. 316 - 339.