Couples therapy as a tool to improve communication

Communication problems in the couple are the main indicator that the relationship is in a process of deterioration; in turn, if something is not done to solve them, they lead to more problematic situations that accumulate and add to the existing ones.

In other words, they are both a cause and a consequence of the wear and tear of coexistence and the affective bond.

So, A good part of the goals that couples therapy sets itself have to do with improving communication patterns between the two people who come to the psychologist's office. Here we will see a summary of how it is achieved.

• Related article: "The 5 types of couples therapy"

Possible communication problems in a relationship

This is a summary of the main communication problems in couple relationships, and their characteristics.

1. Lack of assertiveness

Some people have a great facility when it comes to clearly expressing their feelings, intentions or wishes to frankly and without hurting or belittling the other person's feelings, a social skill known as "assertiveness".

But there are those who tend to repress their own feelings, believing that expressing them can generate discomfort in the other person; It is one of the worst ways to deal with an argument or any type of problem as a couple.

Close emotionally to the other person to avoid confrontations, stop communicating their own opinions, impressions or needs and Losing confidence when it comes to sharing everything that concerns us is one of the most unequivocal signs that there is a problem with communication.

Assertiveness deficits, the ability associated with the facility to leave nothing important unexplained, are a real obstacle to get well in the relationship, since in any heated conversation or discussion there is an inability to defend one's own position.

• You may be interested in: "Assertiveness: 5 basic habits to improve communication"

2. Active listening deficits

Active listening is another of the fundamental pillars for the proper functioning of any couple relationship, and the lack This leads to situations in which at least one of the people involved in the relationship feels lonely or misunderstood.

Both in the sphere of the couple and in that of social relationships in general, active listening consists not only in listening to what the interlocutor says, but also It is based on a deep will to understand and a genuine interest in what the other person is saying, and in making it known through non-verbal language while the other speaks.

3. Tendency to reproach

Another classic in communication problems as a couple that can deteriorate the relationship are recurring reproaches.

Remembering problems from the past at every opportunity, or blaming the other person for events that have been experienced and, in theory, already overcome o Using attacks as defense during an argument is a very negative communication model and can generate, in the long run, feelings of resentment for one or both parties, discomfort, fed up or frustration.

4. Interpretation errors due to optimistic or pessimistic bias

Frequent misinterpretation of what the other says are another of the most frequent problems in the communication of couples and these occur more when the couple already is going through a bad time in the relationship, in which angry arguments, negativity and unrest.

It is in those cases in which each argument or comment issued by one of the members of the couple is interpreted accordingly. ways that match one's way of thinking more than what we know about how the other usually thinks person; For example, this can occur from a pessimistic bias, believing that any ambiguous comment is an accusation, or from an optimistic bias, assuming that the other person agrees with what we have done despite the fact that in reality we would have to be more interested in their true opinion about it.

What is done in couples therapy to overcome communication problems?

These are some of the main processes in which couples therapy is applied to solve these communication problems in a courtship or marriage.

1. Putting assertiveness into practice

Assertiveness can be improved by attending by practicing through real-time conversations, and improving skills to “break the ice”. This is done keeping in mind the main idea to be communicated and setting times when it must be expressed clearly in a minimum time, although taking into account that it is not necessary to emotionally hurt the other without reason person.

2. Development of active listening

This includes both a concentration management training program and learning those social conventions about how attention is shown.

3. Management of discussions from a constructive logic

To avoid that every time something is discussed about something the dialogue becomes a struggle of egos and an exchange of reproaches, it is It is necessary to be aware that criticizing something or complaining about an event that we did not like does not imply fighting or looking for the confrontation.

To do this, in couples therapy It works by facilitating that both people get used to collaborating in "dialogue tables" adaptable to the context of each moment, in which a series of signs indicate that both have the will to contribute to the relationship and do their part to solve what happens. And it also includes practicing this way of collaborating without giving in to the desire to let anger or frustration eclipse the desire to seek the good of others. two in the medium and long term (which does not always imply making both sacrifice the same, sometimes one of the two must give much more or / and repair the damage caused)

4. Internalization of the communicative patterns of the other

It is necessary know very well the communicative style to which the other person tends to adapt to this our interpretation of what he says or does. This does not imply holding onto a rigid stereotype about how that person thinks, but rather is based on general attitudes, ethical values ​​of what is important to the other, and the degree to which there may be a difference between what you think and feel and what you communicate explicitly.

Looking for couples therapy services?

If you want to start a couples therapy process, get in touch with our team of professionals. At Carolina Marín Psicología we have 20 years of experience caring for people with problems emotional or relational, and our sessions can be face-to-face in Seville or in the on-line.

Bibliographic references:

Horse, V. (1983). Training manual and evaluation of social skills. Madrid: XXI century. Carreño, M. (1991). Psychosocial aspects of love relationships. Santiago de Compostela: University of Santiago de Compostela. Dattilio, F.M. & Padesky, C.A. (2004). Cognitive therapy with couples. Bilbao: Editorial Desclée De Brouwer.