The 8 non-negotiable aspects in a relationship

Stable human relationships are based on the establishment of agreed codes and norms between people; This allows us to achieve an exchange of information and forms of mutual support in which both parties benefit.

Furthermore, the closer the relationship, the more important it is that we are able to establish that relationship. bi-directionality and symmetry in terms of consensus and agreements on what each of the contributions contributes parts.

However, in the case of couple relationships, this contrasts with certain conceptions of romantic love that lead us to see as something desirable that each person is capable of sacrificing himself for the other without establishing any type of limit, something that can very easily lead to the appearance of toxic dynamics or can even facilitate the appearance of cases of abuse that last a lot. The truth is in all courtship and marriage there must be non-negotiable aspects.

The non-negotiable aspects in couple relationships

In the field of couple relationships, these codes, limits or agreements are essential for the relationship lasts over time and does not end up deteriorating due to repeated non-compliance with the themselves.

One of the essential elements that cannot be missing in any relationship are the non-negotiable aspects, that is, a series of limits that They have to do with coexistence, a healthy relationship or the daily dynamics between two people who respect each other and do not violate the dignity of the person. other.

There are many non-negotiable aspects in a relationship that contribute to improving the state of the relationship and establishing stronger and more lasting bonds between people. Below we will see the most relevant and widespread non-negotiable aspects, whose non-compliance should not be allowed and even less normalized.

1. Absence of emotional blackmail

Emotional blackmail is a form of psychological violence that consists of a manipulation by the person who exercises it to achieve anything, and that should never be tolerated in a relationship.

Emotional blackmail is frequent in toxic or abusive relationships and is based on requesting something from someone using fear, obligation or guilt as mechanisms for this request to be satisfied.

This dynamic must be completely eliminated from the relationship and if the person does not agree to end emotional blackmail of any kind, we must cut it off as soon as possible.

• Related article: "Emotional blackmail: a powerful form of manipulation in the couple"

2. Lack of intense jealousy that leads to control of the other person

Jealousy is not tolerable in any healthy relationship, especially if it results in practical negative and abusive actions such as control over the other person, emotional blackmail and psychological or physical. Where there is jealousy, it should be seen as a problem for the person who suffers it, not for the person who could be controlled by the other..

Healthy relationships are based on trust, love and freedom, three elements essentials that make the life of a couple enrich daily and without which it could work.

Jealousy has no place in the relationship, especially if it is excessive or unhealthy. In addition to that, they are usually an indicator of insecurities or problems of all kinds on the part of the person who feels them.

• You may be interested in: "9 keys to understand jealousy and learn to overcome it"

3. Not to cut friendship or family relationships "as a sacrifice"

Some people control their partners to the point of supervising or managing their own social relationships, even deciding who they can or cannot date.

This causes that in many abusive relationships, the abuser prevents his partner from seeing his closest friends or family, and do not let them spend quality time with them, which causes great discomfort for the victim and problems with her mental health. This behavior is totally unacceptable and should not be tolerated by anyone, even if it comes from the couple themselves.

• Related article: "The 8 types of family conflicts and how to manage them"

4. Absence of constant disrespect

Respect is the basis of any relationship between human beings and the starting point on which build healthy, profitable and satisfying interactions between two people who love and desire each other share your life. Where a person does not respect the partner, there is a strategy to undermine her self-esteem and make her adopt a submissive role.

If in a relationship there is a lack of respect for one of the parties or for both, it is difficult for this can prosper in the future and it is more common for conflicts and disputes to occur with greater frequency.

When respect is lost in a relationship, the ban is opened for all kinds of behaviors to appear harmful and painful that can seriously harm the people involved and even cause surface abuse situations.

5. Empathy in important decisions

Empathy is the ability to put yourself in another's place and identify potential problems, needs, or shortcomings that the other person may have. It is one of the most important social skills that exist.

It should be clear that without empathy we cannot be in a healthy relationship, since the other person does not will be able to understand our needs, pain, worries, preferences or aspirations in the life.

6. Sincerity

Sincerity is another of the most important aspects that should always prevail in a relationship and this consists of the quality of expressing oneself and always acting with the truth as an essential value.

Sincerity also has to do in a very specific way with being yourself at all times and with always presenting yourself to your partner as we are, without artifice or masks.

Sincere people always tell the truth, express their feelings, always act as they are and never lie to their partners. That is why this should be another of the non-negotiable aspects in a relationship; insincerity usually leads to some form of emotional (or even consummate) infidelity.

7. Freedom

As previously mentioned, freedom is one of the essential values ​​that must govern any relationship, and this is based on the fact that each of the members of the couple must have the ability to make their own decisions without any kind of coercion or external supervision.

Those relationships in which one of the members restricts the freedom of their partner cannot be very lasting, since there is a situation of subjugation or violence and must be ended as soon as possible by the victim.

8. Fidelity

Even in open or polyamorous relationships, infidelity can occur, and that there is always some degree of commitment attached to intimacy. Fidelity is another of the non-negotiable aspects that should always reign in a couple and the lack of it should mean breaking it as soon as possible.

A faithful person is one who is permanently and honestly committed to her partner in all aspects of the relationship. In addition to that, fidelity also has to do with always supporting your partner and doing everything possible to improve their life as much as one can.

Are you looking for professional psychological assistance?

If you are interested in starting a psychotherapy process focused on the individual or, on the contrary, you want to go to couples therapy, contact me.

Am Ester Fernandez, psychologist and coach, and I can assist you in person or online by video call.