How to accept that he does not love you: 8 psychological keys

When you love someone but that person does not correspond to you, what do you do? It may be someone with whom you had a very intimate relationship in the past, it may simply be a "crush", a platonic love ...

Be that as it may, that affection and love are not reciprocated hurts a lot, too much. We cannot commit ourselves or hope that he will love us because, sadly, it is most likely that it will not happen.

As mature, adult and rational people we must try to turn the page, we must accept that he does not love us and then we are going to see some steps to get over it.

• Related article: "How to overcome a break of couple?"

How to accept that he does not love you

There may come a time in life that after a long and intense relationship, it breaks down. At first it is difficult, it is even difficult to assume that you are no longer anything, but it is a fact: there is no longer a partner. Other times it happens that you have never been anything, but you are in love or in love with someone you consider special, even though he or she does not think the same of you. And it seems that it will continue to be that way, so what are we going to do?

Whether it's your ex, a person you're in love with, or even a friend you've lost your relationship with, the time has come to accept that he doesn't love you. The reciprocity you crave so much just doesn't exist, there is no "feeling". You may idolize that person but for them you are not that important, or you have simply ceased to interest them. You are wasting time and energy continuing to love her and saying goodbye is the best thing for your well-being.

Accepting that someone you appreciate does not love you is difficult to assume. While we may rationally know what to do, theory always sounds easier than practice actually is. We will need effort, reflection and maybe even tears to accept the fact that someone important to us no longer loves us or has never loved us., but it can be done. Let's look at a few tips as a guide:

1. Understand the situation

The first step to accepting that he does not love you is to understand what situation we find ourselves in. We may have just broken up with our partner, that a person with whom we are in love has rejected us or that a friend has stopped talking to us for any reason ...

Whatever the situation, it is very important to understand everything that has happened, relate the causes with their consequences and understand to what extent the situation depends on us, of the two or it has been a cluster of coincidences that have made us feel something that is not reciprocated by the other.

The idea of ​​all this is to understand that there are things that do not depend on us and others that, although yes, can turn out to be frog. You don't always get what you set out to do and, when it comes to love, this is a fairly common rule. At the very least, we will be able to accept rejection a little better by understanding everything in our power.

• You may be interested in: "Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): principles and characteristics"

2. Can't control the feelings of others

You always have to understand that we cannot control the feelings of others or command the heart of another person. We cannot force anyone to love us, nor can we force them to continue loving us once the flame of love or friendship has gone out. Sentimental rejection is painful, but it is more painful to insist that something will magically change because we want to.

3. Put distance

In many cases, the best way to accelerate the process of acceptance that someone does not love us is, simply, to put dirt in the middle. Distance will help us forget it and, consequently, will reduce our desire that we want the other person to continue loving us.

Out of sight, out of mind. If we stop dating that ex-boyfriend or ex-friend, we ask the friends we have in common not to invite us if one of the two is there or, directly, we move away for a time from where he or she lives, we can make the intense feelings we feel towards him or her go weakening.

And we are not only talking about physical distance, but also social. A good idea to reduce what we feel towards that person and make what we already know, which is that he does not love us, become more clear and strong in our mind is avoiding any stimulus from it and for this there is no better technique than contact zero: remove her from social networks and avoid having any of her objects at home.

4. Blame nobody

It often happens that we experience being rejected as a kind of attack, especially if they make us understand that it is because we are not worth enough or because we are not to their liking. This can affect us at the level of self-esteem and self-concept, making us wonder if it is because we are not handsome, intelligent, smart, special ...

Everyone has their own tastes, but it must also be borne in mind that rejecting someone does not mean that it is done because they do not like it, but also several factors may be involved such as fear of a relationship, being already committed to another person or simply because there is nothing that makes you want to maintain any kind of relationship with us.

Nobody owes us anything. We cannot blame anyone for rejecting us, nor can we blame ourselves for not being worth it. Each one has its pros and cons, and even so they are not sufficient guarantee that they assure us that we will get to have a relationship with a person who, supposedly, we could like. Sometimes even the most perfect person doesn't turn out to be a special person.

5. Surround yourself with loved ones

We have lost a friend or partner or, directly, we have been rejected by someone who we thought would love us. You have to fill in that gap that you have left us and the best thing to do is stay with those who do love us.

In the same way that we must accept that that special person does not love us, we must try to see that there are already special people in our environment and that they also love us.

Added to this, our friends, family or other loved ones can serve as very good distractors, putting the focus of attention to the good times that we will be living with them and leaving aside those that could not be or that already were with those who did wants.

6. Don't wait for an apology

We may expect an apology after our partner has broken up with us or a friend has left us behind. We want answers, a minimal explanation of why: "Is there another person?" "He cheetead on me?" "I made a mistake?" "Do I seem boring to you?"

The reason behind being rejected can be very diverse and we may never know it. Yes, it is true that sometimes he tells us, which is appreciated because in this way he helps us to overcome the grieving phase. better, but others are not so lucky and it leaves us wondering and wondering what could have happened, which wears us out mentally.

It is not healthy to always expect an apology or an explanation. In fact, it is possible that the other party also expects it because it considers us responsible for that this has gone wrong, that it has not worked, although we ourselves do not know exactly the what. Each of you may have a very different view of how the relationship was, so it is quite likely that you both consider yourself "the victim."

7. Allowing yourself to feel bad

It is normal that, when we see that a person we love but who does not correspond to us, we feel sad. We have the right to feel this way, in fact, we must allow ourselves to be sad.

It is good that we feel those emotions and take our time to reflect on what has happened, reflection that will help us to accept that he does not love us. Realizing that we are suffering for him or her will help us understand first-hand the sad reality, that he or she does not love us.

8. Take care

In what we try to accept at once that he does not love us, we must not neglect our physical and mental health. The healthiest thing we can do at this time is to work on the relationship with the most important person in our life: ourselves. Therefore, we must focus on cultivating good self-love and respect for ourselves.

The only way to have a good relationship with others is to maintain a good relationship with ourselves., satisfying our needs and fulfilling our dreams. We must maintain our hobbies, watch the diet, exercise and continue to meet friends and family. We must maintain meaningful activities in order to distract ourselves and be happy.