How to live as a couple: 10 tips to coexist properly

Much has been written about life as a couple, and it is no wonder; living with the person we love is much more complex than it seems, among other things by the intensity of the emotions involved in this process and by the expectations you are they generate.

In this article we are going to review several keys about how to live as a couple and make the day to day go smoothly without unnecessary discussions. In addition, we will review the concept of a couple, explaining what it means to occupy this role.

• Related article: "12 tips to better manage couple arguments"

What is love in a relationship?

Getting involved in a relationship is mainly about knowing how to share intimacy, even if it sounds paradoxical. When we start a relationship with a person we are not only going to share our virtues with them, but we will also need to learn live with these people within our comfort zone without the company of the person we love having a negative effect on our activities. It is important to know how to be present while respecting the space of the other

, both in marriage and in a dating relationship.

Another important aspect to know how to live as a couple is communication: we must be good communicators to achieve understanding and avoid misunderstandings or the creation of expectations that will not be seen satisfied.

When we begin to formally date a person, it is important to keep in mind that he or she had a life before meeting us: a stage in which probably personal projects and goals to be achieved emerged that are alien to our existence.

Thus, the ideal is that we can help our partner in the achievement of his plans, motivating him and understanding that there are other important aspects in a person's life beyond the affective bond that unites you. The same applies to us, we must not neglect our personal aspirations.

Tips for coexistence as a couple

In the lines we are going to see some practical tips that They are effective for living with our partner and maintaining a relationship of love and respect.

1. Being able to live without a partner

The first point refers to the ability to remain functional even when we are not physically close to our sentimental partner; otherwise we would be engaging in excessive emotional attachment behavior which is counterproductive for healthy living as a couple.

• Related article: "The myth of the better half: no partner is ideal"

2. Principles are not negotiated

From the first moment it is good to make it clear that our moral principles are not to be negotiated, but respected, and that the same happens with those of the other person. Healthy coexistence is born from the acceptance of the ideals of the other, even when these are not shared by the husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend.

3. Love in freedom

Healthy relationships are not possessive, quite the opposite. The desire for the other to be happy transcends the desire to possess him, which implies that we do not act to retain that person, but so that our presence brings him happiness, and his presence brings it to us.

If you are happy with him, fine, but if you don't want to be there anymore, then there is no point in being forced: this is something that works both ways.

4. Grow your own garden

This metaphor invites us that instead of trying to please our partner, we try harder to be a person who is nice to ourselves. When we dedicate ourselves to cultivating and improving our most fundamental habits, the improvement in couple relationships with the establishment of a healthier coexistence is nothing more than one of the consequences of our personal development.

• You may be interested: "Personal Development: 5 reasons for self-reflection"

5. Equality above all

A healthy couple's coexistence must be, above all, of an egalitarian nature. Where some have more benefits than others, things end badly. Ideally, there is a healthy balance between the demands of both members of the couple.

6. Encourage mutual compensation

It is important that the members of the couple manage to be able to compensate each other. That is, instead of blaming the other person's flaws, these constraints need to be supplemented by providing support when needed (provided that these limitations do not involve assaults and physical or psychological violence).

This speaks of a good level of empathy in the couple, since it is evidence that, when living together, these people are capable of putting themselves in the shoes of the loved one.

7. Avoid making an apology for the drama

It often happens that couples think that the more complicated the relationship, the more meaningful it is. This is nothing more than a myth without any foundation.

The truth is that the more drama there is in the couple, the greater the probability that a dysfunctional dynamic will emerge in this loving relationship.

8. Promote assertive communication

A fundamental key to achieve a good coexistence within the couple is learn to communicate assertively, expressing our wishes and feelings in a language of mutual respect and ensuring that our words will not hurt our partner, but without leaving us anything relevant in the inkwell.

9. Beware of "forever"

The romantic thought that your relationship will last a lifetime is often counterproductive and the only thing that is achieved with it is to generate anxiety within the relationship.

The most advisable thing is to live the moments and enjoy your relationship within the framework of mutual respect, without idealizing the couple, nor exaggerating with future plans. Try to stay focused on the here and now.

10. Do not assume that your interests are in line with ours

Relationships should always offer the possibility for each person to express their dissatisfaction. Therefore, it is important doing frequent check-ups to see that the other person is comfortable with routines and habits of coexistence that you have adopted. The simple fact that you have been in these roles for a long time is not an argument for them.

Bibliographic references:

• Capafons, J.I. & Sosa, C.D. (2009). Treating Relationship Problems. 1st. ed. Madrid: Pyramid Editions.
• Fehr, B., Russell, J. (1991). The Concept of Love Viewed From a Prototype Perspective. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
• O'Donohue, W. and Ferguson, K.E. (2006). Evidence-Based Practice in Psychology and Behavior Analysis. The Behavior Analyst Today.
• Shaver, P. R., Wu, S., & Schwartz, J. C. (1992). Cross-cultural similarities and differences in emotion and its representation: A prototype approach.