How to end a long-distance relationship doing as little damage as possible

Relationships can be wonderful, but they are not easy. And it is that they require a high level of mutual interest, commitment, flexibility, intimacy, communication and negotiation skills. among many other factors, without taking into account the particularities of each of its components, the context and the relationship in Yeah. Among the latter we can find relationships in which their members must remain separated for a long time, either because they live at a great distance or that for various reasons require that one of the components have to go to another place.

Maintaining a sane and healthy relationship in these circumstances is a great challenge and requires great effort from both parties, and can sometimes not go well and generate suffering for one or both members of the couple, something that can cause it to be necessary to end a relationship. And it's something to talk about, but... ¿how to end a long distance relationship causing as little damage as possible to both parties? Throughout this article we will try to reflect on this question.

• Related article: "The stages of heartbreak and its psychological consequences"

How to end a long-distance relationship: Different aspects to take into account

When it comes to breaking up with someone, whether or not it is a long-distance relationship, there are many different elements to take into account. How, when, where, how will he react...

In this case we are going to have different steps or Aspects to assess when ending a long-distance relationship. Of course, we must bear in mind that we are talking about a generic break, many of these elements being able to vary depending on each case.

1. Make sure it's what you want

The first step to ending a long-distance relationship is, mainly, to be sure that it is what we really want. A long-distance relationship is very complicated to carry out, but it is also possible that despite the difficulties it is worth it.

It is also possible that we are facing a crisis or that we think things out of pain or anger. It would not be just in case talk to our partner or sentimental partner about how we feel and try to verify that what happens to us is not simply a problem of lack of communication. It is necessary to assess the pros and cons of the relationship and the existence or non-existence of certain feelings coldly and with the maximum possible objectivity.

2. talk to someone

Doubts about what to do and how to do it are very frequent when ending a relationship. Although we should not let our decision be influenced by what others think, it is advisable talk to someone about the subject in order to vent and get other points of view, especially if it is someone who does not try to impose her opinion on us and values ​​our points of view.

3. Take the decision

Once the pros and cons have been assessed, it is time to make the decision. The fact of making the prior assessment is indicative and can help us, but the truth is that in many cases we already have the decision made in advance. This does not mean that the previous step is useless., since it can allow us to try to objectify the situation.

4. Don't make me do it for you

In novels, books, movies or even in real life we ​​have seen how on many occasions people who want to leave their relationship begin to maintain behaviors that little by little deteriorate and destroy the relationship with the purpose of making the other person decide to leave.

This is often seen as a way to avoid looking like "the bad guy" or even as a way to make the other person suffer less when you're done. However, deep down, the only thing that this type of manipulation does is generate suffering that can end up lasting a long time, and even that despite this the other person does not take the step of ceasing the relationship.

If we are the ones who want to leave the relationship, it is better to talk directly with the person and assume our own choices and responsibilities. Although it may not seem like it, will cause less emotional pain and it makes it possible for the cessation of the relationship to be experienced in a more positive way.

• You may be interested in: "12 tips to better manage couple arguments"

5. plan the situation

We cannot foresee everything that can happen, but breaking up with someone is a delicate situation that cannot be left to mere improvisation. It is advisable to take into account the time and place, how to carry out the break and the specific themes that are going to be used. I don't mean memorizing a speech, but rather take into account in advance what you want to talk about.

6. Introduce the topic gently

Ending a relationship is a crucial and painful moment for both members of a couple. It is not advisable to release it point-blank, but it can be useful to introduce the subject little by little. For example, you can mention to the other that we should talk about an important topic. It is about preparing the ground.

The other person can probably figure out what it is, but although it may initially seem painful, it's better than blurting it out. After that we can introduce that the relationship has been important to us but that keeping her at a distance has become untenable.

• You may be interested in: "Long distance relationships: 10 difficult problems to bear"

7. talk about it in person

Although we are facing the end of a long-distance relationship, the fact of breaking up deserves if it is possible that the conversation be face to face. Certainly, it is easier to leave it through a chat or in writing, but the other person can feel the moment as cold and see little value. In addition, face-to-face contact facilitates a better expression and understanding of the situation and allows communication to be more fluid and clear. If possible, it would be advisable to do it in person..

In case it was totally impossible, a video call could be the next most recommended option. After that would be the live telephone conversation. Leaving text messages or leaving a message on the answering machine should be avoided, since they do not give the option of replying.

8. The breakup, in private

It is important that the conversation takes place in a place where both of you can be comfortable, without anyone interrupting and in such a way that the person left is not ridiculed or embarrassed. It is not necessary to do it at home either: we can take the person to a place where breaking up will not be a shameful act for him or her.

It is not appropriate to do it in public or in the middle of a social gathering. The only exception would be if a backlash is expected.

9. Keep calm and be clear with what you want

The conversation can become quite tense and painful for both parties. It would not be unusual for the other person to react with sadness, doubt, concern or even a certain helplessness or even anger and indignation. We must remain calm and adopt an empathic attitude, but be clear and firm with our purposes if what we really want is to leave the relationship.

10. do not blame

A surprisingly frequent mistake in any breakup, and especially one in which there is distance in between, is to blame the other for the situation that has generated the breakup. The fact that little by little there is more distance, that you talk to each other less or that you feel alone is something that is not no one's fault in particular, or rather for what both parties are partly to blame for not knowing how to communicate correctly.

Attributing it to the other is a way of justifying oneself and not facing one's own decision. The exception can be found in situations in which the other person has committed some betrayal towards the relationship that you would have maintained, such as infidelity.

11. Let him express his point of view

Relationships are a matter of two. While you may have made the decision that the relationship should end, it wouldn't be fair to just disappear. The other has been part of your life, a part that we must value and recognize for what it is and to which we must give due importance. The other person You should have the opportunity to express how you feel about it. and give your opinion about it, although it may not agree with ours. This facilitates that, although the relationship ends, it does not do so with a deep resentment or feeling of being undervalued.

12. distance yourself

Perhaps the most difficult step of all. Once we've already broken up, It is normal for doubts to arise initially. about how the other person will be or that we begin to miss positive aspects of the relationship. For example, the WhatsApp conversations or the good morning and good night message that you probably sent each other.

It is also likely that you want that even if the relationship has ended, that person continues to be part of your life and even maintain a friendship relationship with them. It is even possible that in some cases the possibility of keeping a door open to return in the future is considered.

However, it is not healthy for the same level of contact to continue as before. until the mourning stage has been overcome. This will generate pain in the person who has been left and possible confusion regarding your intentions (does he want to come back?, hurt me?, should I wait?, etc.).

In fact, it is advisable to distance yourself, in such a way that both you and your now ex-partner can adapt to the fact of not be a couple, rebuild your lives and see the other as a person with whom you can (or not) maintain contact cordial. It is not a question of never speaking again (unless you want to), but of giving time for the process of overcoming the break to be closed.