'My partner only sees the bad in me': possible causes and what to do

In the life of a couple, not everything is joys and happy moments. Sometimes our boyfriend or husband makes comments that do not sit well with us. This does not mean that he wishes us any harm, but there are certain criticisms that can hurt for many reasons that he may have.

It is especially painful when it seems that the person who is supposed to be by our side because they like us He only looks at our weaknesses, completely ignoring all the good that is supposed to be what attracts him to U.S.

If you are one of those who say "my partner only sees the bad in me" keep reading because this is your article.

• Related article: "The 5 types of couples therapy"

My partner only sees the bad in me ': possible consequences

Nobody is perfect. There are many things that define us that could be better, both physical and personality aspects, in addition to the fact that on more than one occasion we make mistakes. All this is normal and so is the fact that on some occasion our partner makes a criticism of us, something that far from being taken as very bad it does not have to be negative at all, as long as it communicates assertively and in situations punctual.

In any healthy relationship, both parties must make an effort to create an environment where they feel comfortable with each other., and that it is free from any type of abuse, disrespect and toxic behaviors. Being criticized by someone you love and who is supposed to love you generates a lot of insecurity and anxiety, in addition to make life as a couple extremely difficult because it is difficult to be affectionate with someone who reminds you of all your flaws constantly.

When you are with someone for a long time who constantly notices everything bad about our being and ignore the many good things that characterize us it is normal that we carry out the following three behaviors.

1. Avoidance

Avoidance is the most common response when we don't like being done something to us, as it is in this case that they only criticize us. The problem with this behavior is that prevents us from solving the problems And therefore they remain, getting worse over time.

• You may be interested in: "Top 7 Sources of Vacation Anxiety"

2. Couple discussions

The frustration that causes us to be targets of constant criticism makes anger arise, emotion that predisposes us to argue with our partner, returning criticism.

• Related article: "12 tips to better manage couple arguments"

3. Learned helplessness

The criticized person learns that whatever he does, the result will be the same. She is trapped in a situation of learned helplessness, seeing that there is no use trying to try to fix the problem and end up allowing it to continue, even though this exhausts it psychologically.

Why is my partner constantly criticizing me?

Receiving a criticism from our partner at a specific moment, said in an assertive and respectful way is synonymous with a healthy life as a couple. If behind that criticism is the clear intention that we improve as people, it should be seen as a constructive comment, beneficial both for our relationship and for us as individuals, helping us to grow as people. It may make us feel bad because nobody likes to be told that they do something wrong, but it can help us learn to improve.

However, when they only tell us how bad we are and there is a clear intention to harm us We find ourselves in a very toxic and harmful situation, damaging our relationship and reducing our esteem. Among the reasons that make our partner criticize us constantly we have:

1. Unsafety

It often happens that people self-conscious, far from trying to improve their defects and solve their problems, project them onto others. They feel that they cannot change who they are, so they prefer to detect the defects of others and tell them so that they too will be unhappy with themselves.

• You may be interested in: "Do you really know what self-esteem is?"

2. Lack of tolerance

If our partner constantly criticizes us, it may be because he or she is a very little tolerant person towards what they consider to be wrong. There are people who do not accept under any frustrating circumstances or the possibility that things are not done well, which causes a lot of anxiety.

3. Superiority

They feel above us, believing in the right that they can tell others that they are not doing the right things and that they should be more like them, since they really believe they are better than most.

• Related article: "Narcissistic Personality Disorder: causes and symptoms"

4. Lack of assertiveness

Maybe what really happens is that he does not only look at our bad things, what happens is that when he tries to talk to us about our shortcomings, he does so in a tone or manner that seems to be a personal attack.

5. No longer feel the same

He no longer feels the same way about you or, directly, he no longer loves you. The relationship has been losing strength and what used to be moments of affection and intimacy have now become having to be next to someone who supports less every day, which is why it begins to highlight the bad things we have. The relationship has become toxic.

6. Lack of empathy

Empathy is a fundamental quality in any social relationship and, if not, it has a negative impact on the life of a couple. The lack of empathy implies not being able to put yourself in the place of the other, not knowing how to interpret the emotions of others and not thinking about the feelings of other people. This often becomes synonymous with hurting someone, even if they don't realize it.

What to do if my partner makes me feel bad?

The thought of "my partner only sees the bad in me" or similar ones such as "my partner makes me feel bad", "my partner does not value me", "my partner only looks at my weaknesses" are valid concerns, not usually based on things found in our imaginations. If we have come to think all that, it will be for something and, although there does not necessarily have to be malice in criticisms that our partner makes us, it is clear that they do not make us feel good and that it is necessary to take action in the affair.

Next we will see what to do to try to address this situation.

1. Pay attention

First of all we must look and see if we are in a healthy relationship, where love and admiration are present, or we are trapped in a toxic relationship, where the only thing our partner tells us is criticism about how bad we do this and that. We may be in a relationship where there is criticism, but if you can speak openly, without reproach or disrespect, then we should not worry too much.

• You may be interested in: "Active listening: the key to communicate with others"

2. Say things clearly

If our partner makes us feel bad with his critical and negative attitude, speaking badly to us and only highlighting our defects, it is necessary to speak up. It is important to say things clearly, make you aware of how you are making us feel and see how you react to it.

3. Go to couples therapy

If the other party is willing to do so, going to couples therapy is one of the best options to improve the situation. It should be noted that this type of therapy, as its name suggests, is a matter of two and that if one of the two lovers does not want to go, couples therapy simply cannot be applied.

Instead, the simple fact that our partner is interested in attending is already a positive, because it means that there is a real interest in improving the situation or, at least, making us feel better by going to a place where it is intended to remove toxicity from our relationship.

4. End the relationship

Our boyfriend / girlfriend or spouse may defend himself, saying that he tells us about our defects because he loves us and wants us to solve them. This argument would be entirely valid if it weren't for the fact that it only sees the bad, hurts our self-esteem and is not critical. with himself first, trying to overcome his own shortcomings which, like ourselves, it is clear that have.

You have to accept the fact that You will not always be lucky and that our relationship may not improve, continuing negative criticism and attacks on our person. As individuals that we are, we must prioritize our own mental well-being and if continuing in a relationship is a serious detriment to him, there being no interest in change on the part of the other person, the time has come to end the relationship.