How to overcome a relationship crisis: 6 useful tips

It is very common for couples to go through difficult times, and even times of true marriage or courtship crisis. For this reason, this topic is a constant in psychology consultations, since we have in couples therapy services one of our most popular forms of psychological assistance.

However…how to overcome a relationship crisis, either before or during the start of couples therapy sessions? In this article we will talk about it.

• Related article: "12 tips to better manage couple arguments"

Keys to understand so that the marriage or courtship goes well

First of all, it is important to be clear about a series of ideas to understand the way in which relationship problems should be approached. They are as follows.

1. the comunication is the key

No relationship will work well without a constant flow of communication, regardless of whether it is a married couple living in the same home, or if we are talking about a wedding couple who have not yet moved into a shared flat. As we will see, the lack of dialogue causes problems to arise very quickly.

2. Being in a couple is more than living together

The simple fact of tolerating someone and coordinating well in a framework of coexistence does not indicate that the relationship is going well. In fact, if what holds two people together is nothing more than the sum of those elements, the relationship is probably going through a bad time, or at least a stage of stagnation affective. Loving each other implies more than living together.

3. Problems, if left unaddressed, accumulate

Many people are tempted, after arguing, to pretend nothing happened and settle for the fact that neither oneself nor the other person feels angry with the other. This is a bug that will cause minimal problems that there is a new discussion, due to the resentment or frustration that has been accumulating.

• You may be interested: "The 5 types of couples therapy"

How to overcome a relationship crisis?

Of course, the ideal is to avoid the appearance of couple crises, do what is necessary so that we do not reach a point where the love relationship is significantly damaged.

However, once this has happened, all is not lost: in many cases, it is possible to move a tab to get out of this situation and make the marriage or courtship stronger again.

How to overcome these bad moments that the relationship goes through? Here you will find several tips that, although they are simple to explain, require perseverance, commitment to the idea of ​​improving, and effort.

1. Avoid wanting to win in every argument

Many times the trap of confusing discussions with contests in which you have to stay ahead of the other falls at all costs. This is only fueling the conflict, of course.

But, paradoxically, an argument is also an opportunity to reconcile, because his self shows that he is capable of not being carried away by the impulses that lead him to get angry, and shows understanding and empathy, this It is a powerful show of love, and it will help the other person have reasons to build bridges, seeing that there is someone on the other side listening.

2. Treat past issues honestly

It is difficult to get out of a relationship crisis if at least one of the two parties believes that she has been the victim of an injury. This can happen, for example, if you consider that you have made more sacrifices than the other person to be able to live together. Talking about this transparently is necessary to strike a balance. Which brings us to the next point.

3. You have to achieve symmetry

Relationships based on dependency or codependency are condemned to suffer turbulent periods, because it is not sustainable to make a large part of our lives depend on the arbitrary or unilateral decisions of the other person. You have to be at a point where we both give what we receive.

4. You need to acknowledge mistakes

This is basic. Without the ability to look back and recognize that we have been wrong, it is very difficult to love, or even to live together. It is not worth making excuses or assuming that the blame is shared: you must clearly communicate that we believe we have done wrong or made a mistake, and offer a way to repair the damage caused.

5. Do not let time pass without more

You don't just have to address issues and talk about them to reach a consensual solution. You also have to do it soon, without leaving everything "for the next day."

The simple passing of time does not solve the crisis of a couple; it only makes the situation more frustrating, by investing more weeks, months and years in a courtship or a relationship in which no one learns from their mistakes. Talking about delicate aspects that expose our mistakes is uncomfortable, but necessary

6. Faced with major problems, go to couples therapy

Couples therapy is today a service widely used by all kinds of people, even those who do not even consider separation or divorce. In these sessions, psychologists offer our training, our therapeutic tools and our advice and mediation power to create situations in which patients can communicate, discover previously invisible errors, and do something to remedy the crisis of partner.

If you are interested in having professional support to overcome the amotic crisis in the marriage or dating relationship, In Consulta Despertares we offer couples therapy in all our centers. You can find us in Madrid, Getafe, Leganés and Móstoles. To see our contact details, click click here.

Bibliographic references:

• Christensen A., Atkins D.C., Baucom B., Yi J. (2010). "Marital status and satisfaction five years following a randomized clinical trial comparing traditional versus integrative behavioral couple therapy". Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. 78 (2): 225–235.
• Lewis, T.; Amini, F.; Lannon, R. (2000). A General Theory of Love. Random House.
• Loye, D.S. (2000). Darwin's Lost Theory of Love: A Healing Vision for the 21st Century. Bloomington: iUniverse.