18 basic tips to be a good mother

Undoubtedly, Being a mother is one of the most rewarding and wonderful experiences that a woman can live, and for many it is a culminating moment of her life. The mother figure is extremely important for the growth of a son or daughter and influences how he or she is she develops in different areas of her life: personal well-being, academia, work, relationships interpersonal, etc.

Of course, although there is only one mother, sometimes they can cause discomfort in their children and become toxic mothers, which by her actions prevent the correct development and emotional well-being of her offspring. The skills that a mother must develop are many, especially considering that the bond she establishes with her sons and daughters is special, thanks to the body and eye contact that is established between both parties in the first months of life.

• Related article: "The gaze of a mother and the maternal role: "I am looked at, therefore I exist"”

Recommendations to be a good mother

If you want to know how to be a good motherBelow you can find a list of tips to help you avoid parenting mistakes.

1. Set limits

It is clear that we all want the best for our children and, furthermore, we like to see them happy and smiling; however, this does not mean that they should always get away with it. Setting limits and setting rules can be positive for your little ones and for their future well-being.

Of course, the rules must be consistent, clear and simple, they must be the same for everyone and adapted to the maturing age of your son or daughter. At the end of the day we are social beings, so learning to limit the impulses of children is good to better adapt to the society in which we live.

2. You are their learning model

The family is one of the main socializing agents, so it is necessary that you educate your child well. Human beings have different ways of learning, and one of them is through modeling, a concept that introduced Albert bandura. Although sometimes you may not believe it, what you do and how you behave in front of him matters, because your son is constantly watching you.

3. Actively listen

Many times we think we are listening when we are actually hearing. To really listen it is necessary to practice active listening. This means that you should not only pay attention to your children trying to understand what they are saying, but also what they feel. In other words, you must attend to both the emotional component (feelings, emotions, sensations, etc.) and the rational component (ideas, beliefs, knowledge, etc.).

If you want to know more about how to do it, this article will be useful: "Active listening: the key to communicating with others”.

4. Validate your emotions

Listening to your child actively is important, but so is validating his emotions. Emotional validation is a process of learning, understanding and expression of accepting someone else's emotional experience. That is, if you suspect that your child has difficulties, active listening can allow you to understand not only his verbal language, but also the non-verbal one (gestures, gaze, posture, etc.) when he opens his heart.

Emotional validation will make you show that you understand him (even if you don't always agree) and, therefore, he will feel more comfortable saying how he feels. We can all feel pleasant emotions and painful emotions, and your son or daughter is no exception.

5. Let it express itself

Emotional validation and acceptance of emotions are key to your child's future well-being. This allows your child to learn to express his emotions and his feelings instead of minimizing or rejecting them. Emotions don't go away if we repress them, but on the contrary, you can get to express themselves uncontrollably. Correct emotional control is good both for your child's well-being and for his interpersonal relationships.

6. Encourage communication

The previous points are closely related to efficient communication, which helps your child to count on you for what he needs, and increase the affective bond between you. That is why it is important that you communicate daily with your child and in an open way. This will allow you to get to know him and he will understand that he can trust you when he needs it, even regarding his concerns and fears of him.

7. Adapt to your child

Sometimes, it may happen that we are not aware of the age of our child, because he can misbehave and drive us crazy at some point. As an adult, you must be aware that your child's level of reasoning follows a developmental process, so you need to adapt to his needs.

Now, it is not a question of treating him as a mature person when he is not yet mature. For example, at age three you may have a need to say "no" to everything, as it is the way to gain independence from him. Don't be surprised by certain attitudes of your little oneWell, it is not positive that you lose your cool. Keep in mind that the important thing is to educate him correctly, not to get angry in an uncontrolled way.

• You may be interested: "Lawrence Kohlberg's Theory of Moral Development"

8. Be patient

Being a mother can be tricky sometimes, and it may seem that the situation is coming to you. Going to work, coming home and doing housework and then educating your child… takes up many hours of your day. But stay calm and try to be patient. Do not pay it with your little ones, and if at any time he does not behave as you think he should, explain the reasons why he should not repeat his behavior. Similarly, if you have a partner, negotiate a better division of tasks, which brings us to the next point.

9. Responsibilities are also the father

It is positive that the two parents share the responsibilities of the child. Whenever possible, you must find the balance to avoid that you carry all the responsibility to educate your child. You will feel less stressed and it will be better for your child if the two of you get along and share their upbringing.

10. Avoid arguing with your partner in front of your child

It has already been commented how important the role of parents is for the child's socialization process and how her behavior can be imitated by it: it is what is known as modeling, vicarious or imitation learning. If you argue with your partner in front of him, you will be sending a negative message, which will not be positive for their development or for their learning.

11. Let him develop his autonomy

It can happen that many parents feel insecure when their children are seeking independence. This happens at any age. Being an overprotective mother is not beneficial at all, because it prevents your child from developing fully and empowering himself in life.

12. Don't let me grow up a spoiled child

One of the big mistakes mothers can make is think that everything they do in good faith is positive for their child. In the first point we already talked about the importance of setting limits, because raising spoiled children will have negative effects on their well-being. Therefore, you should avoid giving her gifts when she is not playing, reinforcing her negative behaviors, giving in to her tantrums or acting like a spoiled yourself.

If you want to know more about this interesting topic, you can read this article: "The 8 basic tips to avoid spoiling your child”

13. Avoid being extremely disciplined

It is necessary that you do not be excessively disciplined, and under no circumstances hit your son or daughter. Young children who are continually spanked, beaten, or slapped are more likely to fight with other children in the future and to develop a negative personality.

You can read more about this in our article: "The 8 reasons not to use physical punishment towards children”

14. Keep an eye on your parenting style

As with the types of leadership, there are different types of parental style that are not characteristic of parents but rather forms of relationship between father and son. These parenting styles have their benefits and their negative consequences, and we can distinguish four: democratic, authoritarian, permissive and indifferent. The democratic style is the healthiest, and is based on respect and communication with children.

15. Play emotionally smart with him

From a young age, children can develop emotional intelligence, which has a positive impact on their psychological health in the future. Through play, children learn skills while having fun, something essential for their development in the first years of life. Gambling is not only beneficial on a psychomotor level, but also can help them better understand their emotions.

In this video you can learn about the importance of emotional intelligence for your child:

16. Teach him to solve problems

Parents not only act as role models for their children in teaching them new behaviors, but they are a key piece in their growth because they help them develop their superior cognitive ability and their intelligence.

Social interaction, especially from parents, supports children's development by establishing influence through the Zone of Proximate Development, a term coined by Lev Vygotsky. This zone is the distance between the level of maturity reached by the child through the natural process of development, and the level development potential he can achieve when guided by people who are more capable than him, for example, parents.

Delve into this concept in this article: "Lev Vygotsky's Sociocultural Theory”

17. Find time for yourself

During the first years of life, a mother's dedication to her son or daughter occupies almost 24 hours a day, but being a mother does not mean that life and good times are over. So it is necessary that you dedicate time for your well-being, which will be positive for your relationship with your little ones. For example, if you enjoyed hitting the gym, make a hole in your life to be able to continue with this activity.

18. Enjoy your child and the experience

Being a mother is one of the most rewarding experiences a human being can feel, and nothing can compare to the love that arises within a family. So enjoy this gift that life gives you even if things can get complicated at times. Being a mother is amazing!