How do love relationships work?

Love is a very difficult concept to understand and even more to decipher its operation. There are so many forms of expression, manifestation, conception, etc. that make it impossible to establish specific guidelines for action.

Relationships with a partner: from the beginning to the end

The objective of this article is to give a personal vision about how we think love relationships work, whether they are healthy or not, and finally, offer some guidelines in case they do not come to fruition.

To carry out this reflection, we will divide the article into three moments that we consider key: the beginning of friendship, the healthy relationship vs. the relationship does not heal, and finally, how best to deal with a breakup in the event that it happens.

1. The beginning: the curiosity of the unknown

In this first stage is where a process of mutual knowledge begins, in which there is an exchange of information (musical tastes, hobbies, favorite movies, etc.) and where a myriad of understandings.

Through communication,

both verbal and non-verbal, a attraction, physics and chemistry, in which the two people begin to like each other and share special moments (a glass of wine, a walk in the park, a knowing look, etc.). Those first butterflies begin to fly ...

2. Healthy vs. unhealthy relationships

Over time the relationship matures, the people who form the couple adapt to each other, giving rise to a symbiosis that is not always proportional and positive.

This is where relationships begin to take one form or another. The key is to know how to share and to find a balance where each individual feels important and happy both individually and as a couple. It is essential to be aware that a person can be happy by himself, because from our point of view, this is one of the keys that define happiness within the couple.

In a healthy relationship, the two people exchange love, experiences, trust, balance, security, etc. always looking for a mutual benefit that makes them grow personally without having to shed a little piece of themselves, but rather of share a part of the essence of each one. The results are usually of couples with a great future where the feeling of well-being and satisfaction predominate.

On the contrary, in an unhealthy relationship, it is not shared, but rather there is an “existential struggle” where the one who takes the most pieces of the other person wins. This is where jealousy appears, selfishness, mistrust, insecurity, imbalance, etc. The result is usually a painful breakup where the "loser" person usually shows a serious lack of self-confidence that leads to states of anxiety Y depression. This is because they forgot the main basis on which any relationship is based: we can be happy without having a partner.

3. How can I deal with a possible breakup?

Well, above all, whether you have had a healthy relationship or not, you have to accept that from now on the one who is going to make the world move is you and only you. It is a question of attitude.

In these situations, there are usually two types of people, those who look to the future (seek a change) and people who look to the past (seek to recover what was lost).

In the first case, we are talking about a person who is aware that there is a void but that it can be filled with new life experiences. They have the feeling sad, as is normal, but at the same time they breathe airs of freedom (I choose). Your motivation for wanting to move forward is intrinsic (of yourself) and you ask yourself questions like What do I want to change? How am I going to change it? Why am I going to change it?.

In the second case, we are talking about a sad person (as is logical) but who feels incapable of rebuilding his life, directly lives in bitterness, in resignation, many times they become "toxic" people. They feel the need to emotional dependence (on your ex partner), they close themselves in a small introverted world without new experiences, always trying to recover what was lost. This attitude usually leads the person to depressive states and a lack of self-confidence since they seek motivation in others (extrinsic).

The essential: to be happy without the need to be with another person

As we have said before, everything is a matter of attitude and asking yourself where do I want to be? Well, we cannot change the past, but we can choose the future.

In the UPAD Psychology and Coaching We are committed to teaching people strategies so that they find their own motivations that help them to generate that change that will provide them with what they have really forgotten and are looking for: to be happy for themselves themselves.

We hope this article makes you reflect on the type of relationship you want to have and if you find yourself in a moment of rupture, stop thinking about the past and get to work on your future.