How does emotional dependence affect us after a breakup?

Relationships can be very emotionally pleasant, but it can also become highly emotionally dependent. It is normal, because after all we do not go out with someone we do not like, but with a person who seems to understand us, who is very well synchronized with our emotions.

However, not all couples last forever. When the relationship breaks down, that illusion of synchronization and trust fades as quickly as a candle flame does, but the smoke forms. of emotional emptiness to see the person you love leave can be very painful and especially long-lasting if the relationship was high dependence.

How emotional dependence affects us after a breakup It will vary from each one, certainly, but we can anticipate that the greater it is, the more painful the grief that comes later will be and the more intense the feelings of sadness and demons. Let's dig deeper and find out why.

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How does emotional dependence affect us after the end of a relationship?

Being in a couple can be wonderful. Feeling that you have someone with whom you relate and synchronize almost perfectly for the most part is something that suits you very well.

It is not to fall into clichés, but when you find your better half, or something that looks like him, there comes a time when it is difficult to consider life without her. You start planning your life with that person, you count on them for practically any great event in your life. You do not consider the possibility that, one day, it will no longer be.

But couples break up, and when that happens, both parties can feel very bad. Suddenly all those life plans that we had planned to do together with our partner are truncated because the relationship has just come to an end, there is no longer the flame of love and consequently there is no couple. It is normal that after the breakup we feel emotionally overwhelmed, because the idea of ​​who our ex is now leaves a great emotional void.

It is the law of life to suffer after a breakup. It is something totally normal and, Although painful, it is a healthy process in most cases. We enter a period of mourning where sadness, desolation and anger can command our course emotional, but at the end of the day they are emotions that have to be lived in order, later, to start a new stage. After the downs come the ups, and it is a matter of time before we recover, stronger and happier, and get on with our lives.

However, not everyone experiences the break in a healthy and mature way. The more emotional dependence there is in a relationship, the more likely it is that the break will reach traumatic levels, it will be experienced in a way that is far removed from reality. Emotional dependence in a relationship deeply affects our mood and autonomy when the rupture occurs, to the point that symptoms can be suffered properly depressive

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Emotional dependency and emotional withdrawal syndrome

It often happens that people with lower self-esteem establish a highly dependent relationship with their partner. The relationship takes a crucial role in your life, so much so that it comes to occupy the void that is inside because of having low levels of self-esteem.

In these cases, dating someone can become a trait of the person's identity, that is, the fact of having a partner it becomes something very significant in your life history, which is why it establishes a strong relationship of dependency emotional.

The problem with this is that, when the relationship ends, the breakup can bring with it various symptoms in the form of low mood, identity crisis and, also, extreme need to see the former partner again.

This last symptom, in fact, shares characteristics with those suffered by a person who is physically dependent on a drug, which is why psychologists affirm that in a process of rupture there is an emotional withdrawal syndrome.

It is important to understand that everyone, in one way or another, is going to experience emotional withdrawal after breaking up with their partner. It is normal that, after having been dating someone for a long time, when this person leaves our lives leaves us with a painful emptiness that we just want to fill with his presence, with the genuine desire that it return to our lives. However, the healthy thing is to go flowing, to let that emptiness be filled little by little with other things and that the wounds heal, that they will heal.

However, people who have established a highly emotionally dependent relationship with someone have a hard time filling that void. It is not only that it costs them, but that it is difficult for them to do their part to let time heal the wounds and make the need to see the ex-partner disappear. Your need to see her again is so great that you can even develop obsessive and toxic behaviors, such as following your ex-partner in social networks, find out what their hours are or plan "casual" situations in which you meet that person and start a conversation.

These behaviors, which can be considered bullying, are not only harmful to the person who is the object of the obsession, but also to the person who is obsessed.. The emotional dependence and withdrawal syndrome make it impossible for the person to take the initiative, try to break the circle or try to start a new stage in her life by trying new things. She is caught in a whirlwind of helplessness as she experiences the uncertainty of not knowing whether or not she will return with the ex-partner, wanting it to be so but rationally understands, or should understand, that the relationship is broken.

The highly dependent person may be so aware of what his previous partner is doing that he is unable to continue with his studies or work and neglects his friendships and family relationships, relationships that ironically are more stable than the couple he has just leave it. Your emotional dependence and withdrawal syndrome that has arisen after the breakup has made him a shadow of himself, an affective dependent plunged into an anxious-depressive circle.

The physical and mental health of the person with high emotional dependence who is going through a rupture is seriously impaired in some cases, so much so that we can find the following symptom:

• Anguish and anxiety
• Sadness
• Lightheadedness and lack of concentration
• Insomnia
• Loss of appetite
• Obsessive thoughts
• Feeling of detachment
• Disinterest in life
• Anhedonia
• Dizziness, vomiting, and nausea
• Headaches
• Chest tightness

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What to do to get over the breakup?

Emotional dependence after a breakup makes it very difficult to overcome it. The appearance of the symptoms of emotional withdrawal makes accepting that this relationship is no longer going to continue difficult, but not impossible. Notably for these cases it is always advisable to go to a specialist, a psychologist specialized in breakups and relationships who will teach tools and strategies that can help you move forward.

In order to help free yourself from this emotional dependence, still alive despite the breakup, it is essential to consider the following keys.

1. Accept pain and assume its transience

As we have mentioned, suffering some pain and some other symptoms of emotional withdrawal syndrome, within certain parameters of intensity and duration, is something totally normal. However, it is necessary to understand and assume that it is something transitory, a state that we must go through as part of the grief after a breakup and that will make us stronger, more focused and balanced.

We must accept the negative emotions that will come after the breakup. They are inevitable, they appear, but what we can control is the way we manage and the degree to which we allow them to limit us. Sadness, desolation, bewilderment... All of them are feelings that, sooner or later, we will have to go through to favor acceptance and improvement.

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2. Apply zero contact

Zero contact is basic when we go through a breakdown. Not knowing anything about that person is the best way to forget ourselves and end emotional dependence. It is true that it is tempting to look at the profiles on social networks of that person, but by doing so, the only thing that is achieved is to put your finger in the wound.

It is essential not to have our ex-partner in the networks or our contacts, not even with the idea of ​​continuing to be their friends in one way or another. For now, it is best to lose contact. It is the first step to disconnect from his life, avoiding falling into obsessive and dysfunctional dynamics.

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3. Start a new stage

The breakup can be the beginning of a stage that, depending on how we face it, can become the best of our lives. It is essential that after a breakup we make a clean slate of everything that reminds us of our ex and make the effort to induce significant changes in our lives.

Something as simple as making new friends, starting to study a new language, going to the gym or anything else. hobby that we have never tried before can help us to free the mind, break the cycle of obsession.

Whatever we do, an emotional breakdown should never be seen as the end of the world, but rather as the end of a stage and the start of another, one in which we can make many good things happen, building a version of ourselves more strong.