Manage emotional breakups from your personal development

Personal relationships, especially sentimental ones, are probably the most complex experience of our life.

It is in couple relationships where we find the most intense and profound learning, the decisions that most condition our life, a great source of well-being, but also the greatest challenges and difficulties.

• Related article: "The 4 keys to achieve real changes in your life"

The importance of knowing how to manage the end of relationships

What difficulties, traces or non-functional learning (that is, that limit your life and condition your way of working? interact with you and with other people, whether they are possible partners or not) have left your breakups and especially your way of manage them?

I am Rubén Camacho, psychologist and coach of empoderamientohumano.com, and for more than 10 years I have been accompanying people in their change processes, either with a personal or professional approach. On many occasions, the difficulties that people have in relation to their personal and sentimental relationships

lie in the learnings that took place in a past relationship and especially in the breakup.

These difficulties and learnings do not affect us only when building new relationships, but also in the personal area, well-being, in our emotions, and even in our work (we are emotional beings and our learning affects us in all areas). How to solve it? How to unlearn what has been learned?

The challenge of getting over a breakup

One of the most common psychological, emotional and affective problems is this: difficulties in managing breakups, and above all knowing how to modulate how those experiences affect us in the future (that affect us with the passage of months and even years to live with well-being and face new relationships).

Why are relationships such a complex psychological experience? At the beginning of a relationship we live an experience of dissolution, of surrender, where a union is generated whose explanation will always be limited.

After this phase, a struggle of egos arises where each member of the couple lives with their own belief system, values, and also with their own fears and insecurities. To validate these emotions and achieve security, we try to coerce the other and the most important conflicts arise. The breakup is a kind of checkmate to our own personal assessment (what you believe, what you consider fair, what you consider you need), in addition to the great emotional impact it has on us and how we learn to manage it later.

It is a complex subject and at the same time transcendent for our lives, so I have made a video in which you can go much deeper (the article continues below the video).

What does emotional impact mean?

As we talked about in the video, we are emotional beings and we always feel emotions. At the moment of the break or conflict with the other, we feel anger, rage, disappointment, as part of emotions that try to help us validate our personal ideas or to try to coerce the other; However, we also feel fear, insecurity, sometimes guilt or uneasiness, and our well-being is linked to the experience we lived through. The break makes us feel that our way of seeing the world and conceiving the relationship is, ultimately, dangerous.

Emotions are in themselves positive and try to help you get to know yourself, discover how you interpret situations and react based on them. The problem is not emotions but how we understand and manage them. If we do not do the deep learning of learning to understand and manage those emotions, they end up conditioning us, making our way of relating is based on fear, insecurity, coercion or the attempt to validate what we fear (and that before we have experienced).

The way to manage those emotions, first and foremost, it translates into a series of behaviors that end up sabotaging our emotional and emotional experiences: control of the other, insecurity, isolation, avoidance, emotional dependence, even selfishness. They are behaviors that sometimes we consider necessary, but in reality they are based on a fear that we have not still learned to manage due to past experience (and that imply an important limit for our wellness).

What emotions do you feel behind these habitual behaviors in you? What do you think you have learned from your past relationships and breakups that you should unlearn? What part of you would have to change to change what happens to you?

To know more...

If this is your situation and you would like to unlearn what you have learned to overcome what happened and happens thanks to your own personal change, I make this proposal: in empoderamientohumano.com you will find the option to schedule a free first exploratory session (only if you have a genuine interest in living your change). In this session we can meet, explore the problem, find the solution and take the first steps. Making a decision for your own change implies an encounter with you, and that is where we find the greatest revelations.