The 7 problems underlying emotional dependency

In couple relationships there is always a certain degree of commitment and, of course, seeking the company of the person you love. However, some people have an excessive emotional dependence on their partners.

This type of dependency, in addition to having harmful consequences for those who suffer it and also for their environment, also usually has causes that in themselves constitute a problem.

• Related article: "The 5 types of couples therapy"

Possible Causes of Emotional Dependence: Underlying Problems

Emotional dependence expresses itself in a variety of ways, but in general there are a series of common characteristics: loss of social life beyond the relationship with the person on whom one is emotionally dependent, constant fear of upsetting that person or cutting off the relationship, and prioritizing all the tasks and responsibilities that have to do with preserving that link.

1. Low self-esteem

One of the most common causes of emotional dependence is the low self-esteem of the dependent person; It is reflected in a poor evaluation of herself and a constant feeling of inferiority with respect to her partner.

This low level of self-esteem causes the person to judge himself very harshly and blame himself even for the belittling or mistreatment received by his partner (if they occur).

Lack of self-confidence also feeds the fear of losing that person, since those who suffer from this problem are not capable of creating other such significant links with third parties.

• You may be interested in: "Low selfsteem? When you become your worst enemy "

2. History of abuse or mistreatment

Many of the cases of emotional dependence that a person can present have their origin in a history of abuse, mistreatment or dysfunctional family relationships in childhood that generate situations of dependence and subordination towards other people in the adulthood.

A childhood marked by physical or psychological abuse, a paternal addiction, a lack of love and affection during the first years of life or an insecure and negative attachment style with the parents can generate in the person a series of affective deficits, fears and healthy relationship deficits that end up leading to a case of emotional dependence.

Likewise, having gone through traumatic situations in adulthood, such as cases of abuse or toxic relationships can also lead to the appearance of this type of dependency.

3. Social skills deficits

Some people may lack certain skills necessary to build strong personal and emotional relationships, and this, in turn, is a predisposing factor for dysfunctional bonding.

Thus, people with emotional dependence may feel that they need to put all their efforts into a relationship to preserve it, as compensation for difficulties in communicating or trying to present a pleasant image or charismatic.

4. Negative patterns of education and socialization

Another cause that can generate emotional dependence and that originates in childhood consists of receiving an inadequate education about love and romantic relationships.

A conservative educational model based on the teaching of idealized romantic love can generate negative socialization patterns and a misconception of romantic relationships in the future.

Romantic love is based on a very hermetic conception of gender roles, and the fear of not Fitting into them is a factor of vulnerability that gives strength to that constant fear of losing whoever is wants.

5. Fear of being alone

Many people who present with pictures of emotional dependence also tend to have a true panic of loneliness, of their partner leaving them and being alone.

This aspect is also explained by low levels of self-esteem, low self-confidence and may also be due to an education based on the imposed idea of ​​romantic love that must last forever (and that if that opportunity is missed there is nothing more that can be done loving).

6. Idealization of the couple

The idealization of the partner is another of the classic psychological elements that people with emotional dependence present towards their romantic partners.

In a healthy love relationship, both partners recognize the other person's flaws and accept them, understanding that we are all human and therefore imperfect.

People with emotional dependence idealize their partners so much that they even can tolerate situations of abuse, humiliation or contempt on their part, and because of the idealization, they will assume that you are to blame for what happened.

It is also common for some emotionally dependent people to seek authoritarian, dominant and even possessive romantic partners; in short, psychological profiles that favor their own dynamics of dependency and subordination.

7. Other associated disorders

This phenomenon can be caused by other psychological disorders such as personality disorders, or certain anxiety disorders.

What can be done to overcome the problem?

Faced with emotional dependence, it is necessary to go to psychotherapy as soon as possible. Mental health professionals work evaluating the problem and offering tailored solutions to intervene on the root of this behavior pattern and emotion management.

Are you interested in having psychotherapy services?

If in your day-to-day life you experience problems of an emotional nature or associated with your personal relationships and you are looking for professional help, get in touch with us.

On Cepsim Psychological Center We have a complete team of expert psychotherapists in the intervention on disorders such as anxiety disorders, relationship crises, trauma, emotional dependence, depression, and others. You will find us at our different locations throughout Madrid, and we can also assist you online.

Bibliographic references:

• Estévez, A. et. to the. (2018). The role of emotional dependence in the relationship between attachment and impulsive behavior. Anales de psicología / Annals of psychology, 34 (3): pp. 438 - 445.
• Fernández-Álvarez, H. (2002). Cognitive Therapy of Affective Dependence. Cognitive Psychotherapy Toward a New Millennium. New York: Kluwer Academic / Plenum Publishers.
• Morgan, J.P. (1991). What is codependency?. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 47 (5): pp. 720 - 729.