Living as a couple during confinement: 9 tips

On March 14, a state of alarm was decreed in Spain due to COVID-19. This meant that we had to go from being a few hours at home to staying there 24 hours a day, except for people whose work allowed them to go out.

This state of confinement has not only affected individuals at the individual level (stress, anxiety, sadness, despair ...) but also at the family level and in relationships.

Therefore, below you will find some recommendations to make living as a couple more bearable.

• Related article: "The 14 types of couple: how is your romantic relationship?"

Tips to improve coexistence as a couple during confinement

Follow these habits and key ideas to make living together more bearable in times of quarantine.

1. Respect space

If there is something necessary right now, it is that we can have a space in which to be alone at certain times of the day.

Undoubtedly, being with loved ones is part of the recommendations for this confinement but, the truth is that on many occasions we need time for ourselves. Thus,

it is necessary and healthy that there are times of the day in which we have our own space. This also allows us to enjoy more of the time that we later spend as a couple.

2. Good communication

Another important aspect to highlight, and not only for confinement but for all couples in general, is being able to have good communication.

It is about us expressing our emotions, concerns and thoughts to the other as well as that we listen to what the other person also has to say to us. Let's avoid judging and try to give space to conversations in a fluid way and trying to understand the other's position.

3. Is that really that important?

In coexistence in general, it happens many times that we dedicate ourselves to arguing about things such as routine, cleanliness, order, etc. It is clear that these are important aspects to take into account on a day-to-day basis, but we are living in a situation of alarm, confined, experiencing intense emotions, and this can cause we do not feel like washing the dishes at the time we used to do it, or that we forget to pick up the clothes hanging because we are immersed in a movie that we were watching.

Thus, the key is to prioritize and see that perhaps there are aspects that are not so important right now. Let's try not to argue over trivial things and see that there may be other times for that. It's about trying to be more flexible, not about completely stopping doing the things we used to do.

4. Promote positive activities as a couple

How are we going to do pleasant activities as a couple while at home? The most typical thing may be to watch a movie together, but let's go further. Try to prepare a special dinner for your partner, take the opportunity to take a shower together, put some music to dance, you can play board games, have a talk about a trip you did ago weather…

It's about trying look for positive moments between the two, beyond just "living" together. Try to make a plan in the same way that you would if you were not confined but looking for a way to do it at home.

• You may be interested: "The 10 basic communication skills"

5. Empathy

We are individual people, with our thoughts, emotions and learnings; thus, each person is experiencing this situation very differently. It is necessary that we try to understand this, and put ourselves in the situation of our partner.

Perhaps we do not see the health emergency situation in the same way, but we try to understand the other and respect their emotions and their times. Some people need more time to adjustOthers are living this as if everything is still the same. Try to empathize and respect.

6. Sex

In this regard, there are people who, by spending more time at home, are having more sexual relations, but we also find the opposite. Now that there is more time for it, find the moments when both of you are more receptive, propose new things, take the opportunity to communicate sexually. There is no doubt that sexuality is important and encourages positive emotions within the couple.

It should be noted here that of course there will be people who during this situation are with emotions of sadness, anxiety and obviously not wanting to have sex. Let's remember points 2 and 5 (Communication and Empathy), let's talk with our partner and understand what they feel. Let's avoid reproaches and respect the space.

7. Negotiation

The couple is not a relationship in which we have to be negotiating all the time, but it is true that for some situations it is necessary to "agree".

There will be times when we do not think the same, even if we try to be empathetic it will be very difficult for us and therefore we also have to have some negotiation method that helps us to reach agreements. This is not something that we have to use excessively, but it is very useful for certain moments.

Remember: try to relativize if the reason for discussion is something really important, if it is but you cannot reach an agreement, try to propose an intermediate position. Sometimes one will yield and at other times the other.

8. Organization

We have already commented that perhaps it is not the time to look at the little things that are not done and that it is better to try to relativize what is most important. But of course… we still live in a small space in which we have to spend many hours.

Therefore, also it is important that we keep an organization about housework and compulsory tasks. This will make it much easier to have time for other more enjoyable activities and will reduce arguments.

9. Discussions (edit)

Ok... we have already tried to give some guidelines to improve coexistence, but... And what happens when we argue? This is normal, It is difficult for us to spend several days in the same space without having any kind of discussion.

The first thing is to normalize this: the disagreements are normal without quarantine in between. The second thing to do is try to relax into the discussion, that is, try to lower the emotion of anger. Find a place in the house to be alone until you notice that your anger has subsided enough, and then try to communicate with your partner again; If you are not able to agree, remember point 7 (negotiation). Let's also not forget point 3 (Is that really that important?).

Conclution

These are some recommendations that we propose from Mariva Psychologists. Sometimes this is not enough and the couple is going through a bad time, probably already before the confinement but this has been aggravated by the situation. If this is your case, you can go to our center or contact us to ask us any questions.