What are relationships based on emotional dependence like?
Sep 14, 2021
People who experience this affective alteration tend to have difficulties detecting where their affective needs begin and end.
By not visualizing the limits that are established between both members of the couple, the person is trapped in a kind of emotional limbo in which he can end up trapped for a long period of time.
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The characteristics of emotional dependence in the partner
In general, the emotional dependent tends to be attracted to people who are dominant or with narcissistic traits and, in addition, this attraction is usually mutual with this type of profiles.
Having not made a correct learning about what it means to have a healthy relationship, these subjects can be involved in dysfunctional and unequal relationships in which there is a role play. Usually, one of the members of the couple is the dominant one, and the other will submit, taking one position of submission.
There are some cases in which these roles alternate between the two subjects, but it is difficult for them to perceive themselves as equal, contrary to what happens in the relationships ofsecure attachment.
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The beginning of the relationship is usually marked by a marked and somewhat disproportionate intensity. The fireworks are the soundtrack of this meeting.
However, the person who develops this affective mismatch associated with a relationship begins to enter an enchanted forest where, gradually, it will begin to blur.
The dependent person is often trapped in a relationship that, as time passes, ceases to add value to your life. However, the taste of the fireworks from the beginning of the relationship provokes a deep desire to experience them again.
Although the feeling of discomfort may be prolonged over time, and the dependent is not able to leave the relationship, as it remains with the hope of recovering the intensity experienced previously.
By not finding it in a positive way, you will tend to look for it even in a negative way, such as through heated and disproportionate discussions.
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A dysfunctional relationship that keeps people trapped
The narcissist and the dependent share an affective lack that they make up for each other. Just as the clerk believes that he needs another person to stop feeling the permanent emptiness with which he is used to living, the The narcissist also needs the other to exist, since they are usually completely empty people and who are nourished by the vital energy of those who surround you.
The dependent fills his narcissist with unconditional love as long as he does not abandon him and, in this way, avoids reconnecting with the emotional emptiness inherent in him.
The narcissistic person may abuse the dependent by playing power games and on some occasions, may take a position of submission if he sees that he can extract some benefit in this way. Relationships of emotional dependence are dangerous, since both members of the couple risk losing their identity as individuals and, in addition, they can get hooked on their partner whom they usually see as an affective manager.
Cases of gender-based violence largely reflect the dependence of those who are trapped in the claws of his abuser or abuser that, possibly, this last person is someone with a narcissistic character and with celotypical traits.
In the most serious cases, both members of the couple are completely annulled by their partner and may find it difficult to break this vicious circle.
Emotional dependence it is comparable to the addiction produced by certain chemicals in drug addicts; These people also share similar behavioral patterns, since the same neurological processes are activated as those who suffer from a drug addiction. It is usual that when the person manages to leave the relationship, they go through a period of readjustment in the which may appear symptoms derived from abstinence that supposes the deprivation of the provider affective.
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The neuropsychological bases of the problem
Generally, in the processes of falling in love, the brain secretes a series of hormones that are the cause of a healthy and necessary attachment to the partner. However, when there is an imbalance in this process, a hormonal cocktail is produced that can lead to a hitch similar to what an alcoholic can feel with a drink.
The dependent is usually a highly demanding person towards his partnerSince no matter how much the other person gives you their full attention, they never have enough and they need more and more affectionate demonstrations.
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What can be done?
Each of us deserves to enjoy a healthy relationship that offers true well-being and gives us emotional security. Ending this vicious cycle is a complicated process, but not impossible.
Normally, these situations occur in people who are marked by deep emotional wounds, and therefore, the key to start overcoming this affective imbalance is to detect the wound and then start to heal it.
One of the most frequent wounds behind these behaviors is the emotional wound of abandonment. The person may have experienced real abandonment in their childhood stage and it is even probable that abandonment has not been experienced In a real way, however, the infant may have felt helpless or have the feeling of abandonment of some of his parents.
This wound is activated when the person comes into contact with her emotional world, letting the pain that emanates emerge and later creating these behavioral patterns.
Before starting a new relationship it is essential fill us with self-love to later be able to share it with another person, as we cannot deliver what we have not previously cultivated.
Learning to be alone and to enjoy our own company can be an eye-opening experience if we open ourselves to it without resistance. Remember that inside you there is still the child that you once were, wanting to be filled with love and only you are responsible for him to receive it properly.