Why don't men commit? 12 reasons

Most women see commitment as a goal, while many men see it as an obstacle. Among the multiple biological, behavioral and social differences, the attitude towards the act of committing is one of the most evident between men and women.

However, this remains a mystery to many. Why don't men commit? We tell you some of the reasons that they express about resistance to commitment.

Learn about 12 reasons why men don't commit

In an attempt to explain their lack of commitment to us, women we make up their reasons. We tell ourselves that perhaps his work absorbs him too much and that is why he does not spend time with us anymore, or that he is scared by the type of woman we are.

We are experts in justifying your lack of commitment. We tell ourselves that “He doesn't feel safe giving me what he needs”, “He needs more time”, but in reality there are real reasons that explain why men do not commit themselves.

• You could read: "Fear of commitment: what is behind it and how to overcome it"

1. They don't like pressure

Commitment creates pressure and many men shy away from it. If you start talking about wedding plans Or living together, or just introducing him to your parents, he feels pressured to make decisions, to set dates, and to have to start acting accordingly.

It may be that he has an interest in doing all these things, but the pressure of having to decide and plan, wasting energy, time and money, is what they do not tolerate. In these cases, it is best to go slow and not touch the subject too often.

2. A peter pan

Many men suffer from peter pan syndrome. This syndrome refers to the attitude of holding on to living as a child or adolescent: no responsibilities, no commitments, just fun. If he only thinks about parties and friends, and does not show commitment, he is probably a Peter Pan.

That is why he does not want to compromise. He knows to go ahead with the relationship and begin to formalize it, will involve effort and responsibility. If you love such a man, you may want to think about it before pressing for him to commit, as it may be that if he does, he will still act childish anyway.

3. Difficulty creating links

How you were raised in your early childhood determines how easily you bond. A distant and cold upbringing, where the material overcame the emotional and with absent parents, results in calculating and practical people who do not find much sense to commit emotionally.

They can have relationships, but it is not their interest to strengthen the affective bond. They are more focused on their work and on meeting their material needs, so acquiring a greater commitment seems a hindrance to achieving their goals.

• We recommend: "The 15 things you should do before you get married"

4. Selfishness

Selfishness is one of the biggest obstacles to compromise. A selfish person only thinks of himself. So a selfish man will only take the next step in a relationship when it suits him or has the desire to do so.

Even if his girlfriend shows interest in getting engaged and he also considers getting engaged, if at all This way this does not contribute to his interests, he is able to postpone everything regardless of his emotions and partner.

5. Love for singleness

There are men who are not willing to leave singleness for anyone. They are those famous "unreachable singles" who the older they get, the more “coveted” they become, and it seems that no woman will be able to get them to commit.

They are men who are happy with their single life, eventually they have a relationship a little more formal, but for a long time. they have no intention of going further. This does not have to do with the woman, that is, it is not about someone super special or the great love of her life arriving, it has more to do with her decision to do it or not.

6. Eternal heartthrob

One reason a man doesn't commit is because he thinks he's a Don Juan. Men who like to conquer many women and to move from one relationship to another are called that way. His goal is to conquer more and more women.

They can be unfaithful, keeping several partners or dates at the same time. Although some donjuanes also prefer multiple short relationships, their interest is in conquer and live the first stages of the relationship and, after this, finish and go for someone more.

7. Disposable relationships

We live in a society of consumption and waste continuous. Unfortunately, this not only has to do with our product consumption habits, but it has also permeated our personal relationships.

This way of relating implies that being with a person is easy and when it stops being so, the reaction is to "throw it away." Because commitment requires effort, pressure, and complications, many men prefer to avoid it by walking away from commitment and moving on to another relationship.

8. Afraid

Commitment requires courage to step out of your comfort zone. Taking the next step in a relationship means getting back together, doing different things, going towards something new. Although this is always a bit scary, there are men who just can't handle this.

It is normal to be on the lookout for what is to come, but when fear paralyzes, many men prefer to flee from commitment and simply do not dare to go further. Many women think that they will be able to change this in their partner and they will be the ones who will finally get rid of fear, but this depends more on them than on them.

9. Has not resolved previous relationships

A previous relationship that did not turn out well can be an obstacle to moving forward. When we are in love and things do not happen as we would like, the disappointment is very strong and leaves emotional consequences that for some are difficult to overcome.

That is why this is one of the reasons that men do not commit. If they have not yet managed to transcend a previous emotional failure, they are afraid of going through the same thing and prefer to be cautious before taking the next step.

10. Wants to impose

A typical attitude of some men is to try to impose their decision. Although not all men are like this, it is also true that many want to feel that they are the ones who control the situation, those who decide when and when not to do this or that thing.

So when they sense pressure is being put into engagement, they step back and refuse to do so. In the face of this type of man, you have to be patient and not try to impose, insinuate or pressure towards commitment, it is better to wait for him to take that initiative.

11. The relationship does not interest you enough

A clear reason why you are not committing, it is because he is not interested. Undoubtedly this is one of the most difficult causes to accept and before which we prefer to invent justifications for not having to accept it, the relationship simply does not interest him to go further.

So why is he with me? It may be that it means something temporary to him, or that, although he has a good time with you, it is not in his plans to commit. They are very clear with which woman and with what type of relationship they would dare to take the next step, and if that does not happen with their current partner, they simply will not.

12. Age

Some men plan to get engaged one daybut not while they are very young. If the relationship started at a young age, even though they have spent many years together, he probably does not want to commit because he feels that he is still young to do so.

Sometimes women have no problem moving to a greater commitment even if we are under 23 years old, for example. On the other hand, men tend to postpone this for a few more years, even if they feel comfortable with their partner and think of her to do it, but they prefer to do it later.

Bibliographic references

• Stanley, S. M., Rhoades, G. K., & Whitton, S. W. (2010). Commitment: Functions, Formation, and the Securing of Romantic Attachment. Journal of family theory & review, 2 (4), 243–257. doi: 10.1111 / j.1756-2589.2010.00060.
• Michael, J., Sebanz, N., & Knoblich, G. (2016). The Sense of Commitment: A Minimal Approach. Frontiers in psychology, 6, 1968. doi: 10.3389 / fpsyg.2015.01968.