Anna Karenina syndrome: uncontrolled love

We all know someone who has fallen in love obsessively on occasion and without control. In fact, for many people, love is not conceived if it is not that way. That interpersonal fusion taken to the limit, this feeling that you cannot live without the other, magnify, idealize, does not usually lead to a successful conclusion if it is not stopped in time.

In fact, this uncontrolled and limitless love alienates those who suffer from it, who no longer feel like a person complete and independent and comes to believe that there is no life except with the other, as happened to Anna Karenina. In this article we will talk about a concept that we could call Anna Karenina syndrome.

• Related article: "The 7 differences between love and emotional dependence"

What is Anna Karenina syndrome?

Anna Karenina is a fictional character who stars in the literary work of the same name, written by Lev Tolstoy in 1877. This classic of world literature reflects the tragic circumstances in which love that is too intense and passionate can lead.

The protagonist, who in the novel is married, falls madly in love with another man, a military man named Vronsky, and ends up leaving everything for him. And everything is everything, her husband, her social position, her child, and finally her life.

Anna Karenina Syndrome is related to an obsessive affective pattern characterized by an absolute dependence of the beloved figure. This considerably affects the other areas of life of the person, which lose importance and are overshadowed by THE OTHER with capital letters, which ends up encompassing everything.

Whoever suffers from this syndrome, like the protagonist, is capable of anything to be close to the one she loves.

We have countless examples in the cinema of this type of passionate lack of control, as is the case of Disney's little mermaid, who loses her mermaid status, abandons her family, her environment, even gives her voice in order to be next to the idealized loved one.

• You may be interested: "The 4 types of love: what different kinds of love are there?"

Is it therefore harmful to love intensely?

Contrary to what Hollywood and the hits of the top 40 sell us, obsessively loving is undoubtedly the worst way to love. Despite at first that emotional flood may seem attractive, it can end up becoming one of the worst diseases that human beings can experience.

This way of loving is linked to anguish: anguish when we think that the loved one can stop loving us, anguish when we do not always have him by our side, anguish because of the fear of being deceived. Therefore, the "without you I am nothing" and the "I can not live without you" are examples not to follow when assuming a role in the relationship.

• Related article: "10 daily habits that improve your emotional balance"

What consequences does this affective phenomenon have?

There are many consequences of loving so intensely, from losing one's way of life, plummeting self-esteem, loss of integrity and emotional balance... Even other more dire consequences, like the ones Anna carries out in the book.

Don't love me so much, love me better

It is recommended, therefore, not to focus on the amount of love that is given or received, but on the quality of it. There are a number of aspects in which we can work to avoid falling into this syndrome:

• To be the architects of our own happiness. Not looking for it outside but inside. Join each other as life partners, not as crutches, band-aids, nurses or psychologists.
• "Don't put all your eggs in the same basket." Maintain friendships, hobbies, family relationships, and an enriching life beyond the relationship.
• Own freedom and that of others. Maintain the limits of individuality and freedom of both members.
• Not love blindlybut consciously. Have your eyes wide open to the behaviors of the other, and take action if what we observe we do not like.