Relationship problems: what causes them, and how are they treated in psychology

Relationship problems are the main source of discomfort for many people around the world, and that is why psychologists are used to dealing with this kind of crisis frequently.

This is so because it is common to experience difficulties in love relationships: to the problems gives the private life that affect the way we relate to the loved one, are added to the setbacks that arise within the own relationship.

In this article we will see what aspects of our lives influence the way we experience relationship problems, and what can be done from psychological intervention to solve them.

• Related article: "12 tips to better manage couple arguments"

How do relationship problems arise? Main factors

There are countless reasons why relationship problems can appear, since each person is unique. However, in general it is possible to identify a number of factors that especially influence the chances of experiencing this kind of conflict. They are as follows.

1. Personality style

In general terms, It is not true that having very different personalities is something beneficial for the couple

. In fact, if this factor has an impact on the health of the relationship, it is negative (at least, statistically). It is easier to reach a point where there is incompatibility of priorities and motivations if both members of the relationship are too different.

In addition, regardless of the degree of similarity between the two people, who adopt a pattern of behavior that corresponds to a personality with strong neuroticismThey also tend to experience more problems in their relationships and marriage. This does not mean that they are doomed to fail in their love life or that they cannot learn to regulate their actions in order to be with someone, of course. Simply, that as a general rule they have it a little more difficult.

2. Values ​​and beliefs

Talking about values ​​and beliefs may seem very abstract, but they really do have an effect on the health of your relationships. See how the person we love behaves in a way that clashes with our value system, in the long run, can generate resentments, reproaches and arguments, especially if those values ​​have to do with the love relationship in a very direct way.

3. Lack of time together

Do not forget that love does not appear out of nowhere: it needs to be constantly fed by time spent in the company of the boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife.

This is sometimes complicated, especially if there are problems with family reconciliation due to poor working conditions. Nevertheless, at other times what fails is the quantity, but rather the quality of the time spent under the same roof. Boredom and monotony can make the only kind of meaningful interaction between members of a relationship to be arguments.

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4. Communication problems

Failure to communicate is also one of the common reasons for problems in the couple. These cause misunderstandings and moments of ambiguity that ultimately lead to frustration and irritability., and even in serious coordination errors.

5. Sexual difficulties

Many problems in intimate and sexual life have a psychological origin. For example, it is very common for insecurity to cause not only dissatisfaction in this aspect of life, but even self-esteem problems and taboos.

6. Infidelity

Infidelity is another of the common problems for which couples go to the psychologist's office. For this reason, on many occasions, what psychology professionals do is investigate the past of the relationship, to see if there have been episodes of infidelity and there may be old grudges, something that is not always communicated directly during the first phases of the intervention psychological.

7. Jealousy

Another of the problematic factors that we see the most in psychology sessions with patients are conflicts due to an excess of jealousy. Insecurity and the feeling that the courtship or marriage can break up at any time Due to the interference of a third person, they can cause a lot of anguish both in those who experience jealousy in their own flesh, as in the other member of the couple, who feels controlled.

8. Anxiety

Anxiety and stress they do not have to be originated in what happens when they relate to the person they love (in fact, they usually have to do with what happens at work, or with health problems), but it is clear that it affects the emotional development of the couple. For this reason, it is one of the aspects that psychologists attach the most importance to in consultation.

How does a psychologist work to help couples in crisis?

We have already seen the most common types of origin of relationship problems; now, Let's see how we work from psychology to solve these cases. The good news is that the chances of significant improvements in robustness and satisfaction are high, around 80% of the time.

Psychology professionals work both with each member of the relationship individually, and with the partner as a whole globally, to detect contexts and situations that are maintaining and fueling the crisis of couple.

Then, based on this information, we intervene both on the ideas and beliefs of the patients, as well as on their habits, so that they are able to interpret what happens to them in a more constructive way and at the same time have ways of embracing healthier ways of relating. All this, having identified the personality styles of each patient, the objectives and motivations of each, their problematic behavior patterns or potentially beneficial, etc.

In short, solving relationship problems involves internalizing new habits both through cognitive level (ideas and beliefs) and behavioral (ways of interacting with the environment and with the rest); in this way, both dimensions of the psychological reinforce each other in oneself and in the person the one we love, and the passage from a love crisis to a new phase of mutual discovery is possible.