The 9 psychological keys to a friendly separation

Couple breakups tend to have a very negative effect on the people involved in it, and sometimes even more people, especially if there are young children involved.

In situations of this type it is relatively common for feelings of discomfort, disappointment and frustration to arise; and in the most severe cases, reproaches or disrespect often lead to a separation that can become truly traumatic.

However, a separation is not synonymous with hostility and confrontation that generates discomfort. Too It may happen that both people do their part to make the separation friendly. Let's see what the characteristics of this process are.

• Related article: "The 5 phases of divorce and its characteristics"

What are the main keys to an amicable separation?

There are many causes and triggers that can lead to a breakup on bad terms, but luckily, there are a series of recommendations that are very useful to prevent the appearance of these bad dynamics of communication, so that you can go through a separation process in a friendly and satisfactory way for both parties

(provided that there have been no cases of abuse or mistreatment of any kind in that relationship, in which case there is no to aspire to be "in tune with the other" but rather to prioritize the search for protection for the victim).

If you want to know the main guidelines that can help us cope with a separation in a friendly way, keep reading.

1. I respect

Maintaining a respectful behavior is an essential requirement in any social interaction, and especially in the sphere of the couple, once the relationship is over.

After the wear and tear of a relationship, the point can be reached where respect for the other person is lost, which is usually lead to insults, personal disqualifications and all kinds of aggressive behaviors that do not favor a separation friendly.

That is why, although we may feel very hurt for the other person and for many reasons that we believe have, it is advisable to always maintain a respectful attitude towards our ex-partner in order to from facilitate and expedite the separation or divorce process.

This willingness to respect each other becomes even more necessary in the event that the couple can have children together.

• You may be interested in: "The 7 differences between tolerance and respect"

2. Agreement

Mutual agreement is another of the essential characteristics of any friendly separation and is an unequivocal sign that the two members of the couple they want to go through this process in the best possible way for both.

Agreement, positive negotiation, being willing to compromise when necessary are essential elements to resolve essential issues. during the rupture, such as the distribution of goods and in general any other economic issue that must be dealt with at the end of the relationship.

It is evident that a positive attitude towards agreement and collaboration helps to create a climate of greater well-being than positively affects both members of the couple, as well as other family members, friends and even the children that they may have.

• Related article: "12 tips to better manage couple arguments"

3. Focus on the future

In those relationships that have gone through a friendly separation process, it is common that both members of it are willing to turn the page and look to the future, focusing on the new stage in which they are.

On the contrary, those couples who have not ended their relationship in good terms usually stagnate in the past, focusing on negative feelings and discomfort generated by the breaking off.

In addition to that, it is also common for one or both members of the couple to make continuous reproaches focused on past affronts, adding further pain to the already difficult situation of breaking off.

To overcome this situation, it is advisable not to reinforce the idea that the relationship has failed and focus on a hopeful future based on stimulating and positive teachings and experiences through which we have passed during that time of courtship or marriage.

• You may be interested in: "Dissatisfaction in the couple and divorce: what factors explain it?"

4. Fluid communication

Being able to meet again and have a friendly chat without confrontations or arguments about the past is one of the unmistakable signs that the break between two people has been friendly. We must try to maintain fluid communication that is either hampered by the fear that the other person will prejudge us or help us attack.

Another essential feature of a successful breakup is the ability to maintain conversations in both formal and informal modes, without affecting the fluency of the conversation in the least. herself.

• Related article: "The 5 benefits of assertive communication in personal relationships"

5. Sense of humor

Have a sense of humor and be able to joke even in the most difficult situations that we may go through throughout our life is a sign of good emotional management and the ability to go beyond the “tragic” perspective of the facts.

The ability to joke about the current situation after breaking up with another person or even to friendly reminisce about past episodes during the relationship as well indicates that the breakup has been settled on good terms or that it is at least going down that path.

• You may be interested in: "The 14 most important types of humor"

6. A hopeful outlook on the ability to overcome the breakup

It is normal to go through a stage of suffering and discomfort during the first bars of a couple breakup; However, once this has been overcome, each member of the old relationship is able to move on with their lives optimistically and forget the bad times.

Being aware of this capacity for resilience predisposes us not to enter into behavioral dynamics that lead us to feed emotional pain and constant search for "guilty" at the end of that relationship: we do not have to turn the rest of our lives into an extension of the malaise of that relationship. separation.

7. Protection towards children

In couples separated in an amicable way, there is a lower risk of generating trauma in young children than they can have, as their parents will always put their welfare ahead of any personal dispute with their former couple.

There is no reason that two separated parents cannot get along after the relationship ends, and that is an example of very positive behavior with beneficial repercussions. for the development of the little ones. ** Do not lose sight of their quality of life, in addition, it helps to create harmony between the people who separate, since they must continue collaborating in that sense**.

• Related article: "Child therapy: what is it and what are its benefits"

8. Sincerity about the reason for the breakup

Some couples tend to blame each other when it comes to elucidating the reason for the breakup, transferring all responsibility for it to the other person.

Be aware of the responsibility that each one has It is a very healthy way to approach the transition process and not to leave "loose ends" that give rise to insecurities and anxiety in the face of uncertainty.

9. Life change

After a couple breakup, it is common for one or both of its members to start doing some changes in your life, which can be of various kinds and influence various areas of your reality everyday.

These changes in habits or interests help relieve tension and make the transition to this new stage of life more satisfying., with which it is easier to stop associating the ex with a strong feeling of discomfort.

Do you want to have psychological support?

If you are looking for psychological assistance in the form of individualized psychotherapy or couples therapy, please contact me.

She is a General Health Psychologist federated by FEAP with more than 20 years of experience and I offer face-to-face and online sessions by video call.