How to get over a breakup and turn the page?

In the practice of psychology, It is very common to receive consultations due to this cause: couple breakups, separations, divorces and heartbreak.

And it is that couple breakups are increasingly common. According to data from the General Council of the Judiciary (CGPJ), separations, divorces and annulments in Spain grew by 5.7% in the period of one year (after the 2020 confinement).

• Related article: "The 8 types of duel and their characteristics"

How can we cope with the suffering generated by breakups and achieve improvement?

The first thing is to be aware that we are going through a duel. We have lost an important person in our lives, a person we were with affectively linked, a person with whom we have shared not only experiences, but also delusions.

Disengagement is going to be painful and we have to do our part to prevent the duel from becoming chronic, leaving sequels that may interfere in the future. In this sense, I bring you 5 keys to overcome a breakup successfully.

1. Put an end to hope and self-deception

It is common for people who go through a breakup to cling to the idea that everything will return to normal, to be as before. They look for a solution, a way to get back with that person. Often times, they focus on the details that tell them that possibility exists.

However, they are forgetting to focus on those who are assuring them of the end of the relationship.

Focus on the evidence that shows us that the break is a fact, helps us to continue advancing in our grieving process and not be blocked in a hope that can lengthen our suffering.

• Maybe you iterate: "Cognitive dissonance: the theory that explains self-deception"

2. Start the zero contact

There is a strong intrigue for wanting to know all the details of the breakup, of the ex-partner, of his new life, and how it feels. This intrigue is something you must fight against, since continuing to receive information about the ex-partner makes separation impossible and increases the level of suffering.

Zero contact is not just about not talking. It consists of not knowing anything about her life. Stop checking your profile on social networks, stop talking about your ex continuously, stop receiving information about what she does or how she feels, etc.

Often, it is necessary to block the RRSS in order not to see photos or information that may interfere with the contact 0, even asking mutual friends (assertively) to stop telling you about their person.

• You may be interested in: "The 3 stages of heartbreak and its psychological consequences"

3. Avoid prohibited acts

There are many acts that during your grieving process will be totally prohibited If you want to overcome your breakup successfully and without consequences. Among them:

• Listen to sad music or with love / heartbreak lyrics.
• Watch romantic movies or series.
• See photos of the ex-partner, alone or with you.
• Do not (isolate yourself from society and abandon hobbies).
• Maintain contact with the ex-partner or with people very close to her.

4. Encourage relationships with healthy people

Do a personal relationship sweep. Think of all the people you have in your life and make an evaluation of their qualities and of your relationship and friendship with them. We are sociable beings and we have more and more people with whom we interact. However, not all of us can classify them as healthy and safe relationships, and it does not matter, because those other relationships also contribute and help us to grow, since we learn with them.

At a time as difficult as a breakup, it is important to strengthen those relationships with healthy and safe people. People who do not feed your hope, nor your rage, nor your thirst for revenge. People who tell you what you refuse to hear. Because those people are the people who really love you.

• Related article: "How to have healthy friendships: 10 effective tips"

5. Work on you and your self-esteem

It is time to take care of yourself. Your mind has received a message that it has come to believe, that "you are no longer valuable." But that message is not true, it is totally distorted by the breakup.

The fact that a person decides to continue their life without you does not mean that you are no longer important to them.. You have been for a while, and even though you are still the same person, your paths have simply parted. It is difficult to make your mind understand it, but you are still an equally valuable person and you have people around you who love you and yearn to see you happy again.

Work on yourself, on your self-care, give yourself experiences, moments, conversations... For example, you can go to a SPA, incorporate a skin care routine, practice a new sport, or do a trip.

This article does not replace a psychological consultation that can be adapted to your particular case. Go to psychological consultation It is also an act of self-care that will help you understand what is happening to you and guide you in building your new life.