Broken heart syndrome: causes, symptoms and treatment

Love relationships can be a roller coaster of emotions. The moments of euphoria can be followed soon after by bad seasons marked by couple crises.

That is why, at times, something we might call "broken heart syndrome" appears. Of course, it is not a disease, but a set of symptoms that go hand in hand with a marked emotional pain that, On the other hand, it is not so uncommon throughout life and is experienced by many, many people at one time or another. other.

Now, the fact that broken heart syndrome is not a disease does not mean that we should give up trying to alleviate its effects; it is perfectly legitimate to wish to be well and save ourselves a good deal of suffering. To do this, we should start with a definition.

What is broken heart syndrome?

The broken heart syndrome is the set of psychological states and processes by which the discomfort generated by a love disappointment or a couple breakdown is expressed.

It can appear, for example, in cases of unrequited love, after being aware of a

infidelity, or when we discover that the person for whom we feel something is not what we originally believed.

Ultimately, broken heart syndrome is made up of emotional and physiological elements (such as anxiety and stress), cognitive (such as recurring thoughts) and behavioral (such as the desire to physically reconnect with that person or some nervous tics produced by anxiety).

• Related article: "Love and infatuation: 7 surprising investigations"

How to feel good again after a disappointment

As always, when intervening on the psychological problem there are more specific aspects that must be studied case by case and others that are more general. The former, in case the discomfort is very intense and persistent, it would be useful to address them with the help of the psychotherapy, but in many other cases it is possible to focus on certain basic rules so that emotional pain is reduced more effectively through strategies that you implement yourself.

Let's look at some of the possible situations in which broken heart syndrome can appear

1. The one-sided break

In cases where our partner has ended the relationship unilaterally, there are two things that cause discomfort: the the fact of not enjoying the company of the partner in the usual way and, at the same time, the indecision about what to do do.

Regarding the latter, in the medium and long term the best thing for everyone is to assume as a fact that the relationship has ended and that it is not up to us to reestablish the links from before. Believing that one can make the other person come back and everything continues as it was in the best of times not only is it unreasonable; is having a possessive view of the other person.

Therefore, in this scenario, our efforts should focus on getting back to feeling good about ourselves regardless of whether we are in a relationship or not. This article may be useful for you:

2. Infidelity and cognitive dissonance

Both in the cases in which the other person has committed an infidelity (understood as a transgression of the fundamental covenants on which the relationship has been built) and in which a facet of the other is discovered that we did not know and that we reject, the idea is Similary: there is new information that does not fit our beliefs about what we thought was related to.

This phenomenon of "lack of fit" between ideas is called cognitive dissonance, and it can generate a lot of anxiety.

In these cases, it is necessary to reflect on the belief system on which our idea of ​​the relationship is based and see if what we know now is irreconcilable with our feelings. To do this, for example, we can explore alternative explanations about what happens, some that serve to reach a conclusion opposite to the one we hold at the beginning.

Then, we judge which of the explanations is more reasonable and best describes reality, in a simpler way and without leaving so many loose ends. That belief system, which may or may not be new, will be the most appropriate to integrate this new information and to act accordingly.

3. Unrequited love

Broken heart syndrome can also appear when there has not even been a real relationship.

In these cases it is important focus on avoiding unfounded and irrational beliefs undermine our self-esteem, something that can happen because, by losing sight of a possible future scenario that had excited, we can perceive this as a personal loss, something that speaks to ourselves for "having failed".

It is necessary to examine what happened and the way in which our expectations were making us begin to live in an imaginary world in which the couple's relationship has already begun to exist (long before it did in the world real).

In the same way, we must ask ourselves why it should affect our self-esteem if a stable relationship is not built. with that specific person; after all, many people live perfectly without even knowing her or knowing her by sight; no one is predestined to meet a specific person and not the others.