5 communication failures that do not allow happy relationships as a couple

When you look closely at how human interaction occurs, and that in this process of relating to each other occurs satisfaction and happiness for all, it is quite paradoxical that being a goal that is clear enough, it cannot be achieved.

When it comes to analyze failed relationships, for some it is quite an odyssey, since they not only fail in the first attempt but also in the following ones. And in the face of these setbacks, instead of being motivated to look for the true reasons for their breakup, they rather dedicate themselves to looking for culprits in order to justify their failures.

Some elements must be considered when it comes to delving into this kind of sources of discomfort, and among them are the wrong ways of communicating, the lack of respect for previous agreements, incorrect individuation processes, infidelity, drug addiction, alcoholism or gambling, physical or verbal aggression, the act of assuming roles wrong ...

I am going to focus in this article on the issue of communication failures in the relationship

, not to downplay the others mentioned above, which are also causes of ruptures love affairs, but because of the relevance that it has, because it is one of the most approached in processes of therapy.

• Related article: "The 28 types of communication and their characteristics"

Wrong ways to communicate as a couple

The basis of success or failure in a relationship is directly related to the way you express what you think and feel. It is what defines the relationship.

Scholars on the subject have made great contributions especially from The Theory of Human Communication, generated by Watzlawick, Beavin and Jackson.

In the analysis of this theory some compendia appear that are important and that must be considered. The first of them is known as Communication Axiom, where it is explained that in all human interaction "it is impossible not to communicate."

We are always communicating either verbally or non-verbally. In verbal communication you say what you are thinking and feeling, although there may be information concealment; in the non-verbal, the body posture can give indications of what is going through the mind of the interlocutor, and on many occasions it can be too obvious even if it is not expressed in words.

For example, if you are feeling anger or resentment when you are having a difference of opinion with someone, in the verbal form you can lose control and use words that can hurt the other person. If you use non-verbal language, frowning or crossing your arms or blushing could mean that you do not agree with what you are hearing, even if you do not speak a word.

It is also important to take into account that everything you say or do will be influenced by emotions such as the wrath, impatience, pride, frustration... those that will directly and negatively affect the result of that interaction.

Below I make an explanation about the different scenarios that can occur in the communicative interaction of the couple.

1. When suffering from "psychological deafness"

This alteration attacks both men and women, although from my experience in therapeutic processes, it is men who carry the flag. This is because, in many cases, very infrequently they listen carefully to their partner's communicative intention because they don't give it the importance it really has.

• You may be interested in: "The 5 types of couples therapy"

2. When you keep an apparent silence

This failure occurs when you keep an apparent silence although internally an emotional volcano is being generated within you, that sooner or later is going to explode. It is not a good idea to be silent when it comes to talking, because the other person may mistakenly believe that they are right.

It occurs when you do not speak a word because you have no way to defend yourself, and not because you are not right, but because you feel defenseless or defenseless in the face of the arguments or the attitude of the couple.

When this happens, it is because you have adopted a submissive role that is detrimental to your self-esteem, coming to believe you, that your opinion is not worth it.

• Related article: "The 9 differences between lust and love"

3. When you do not control yourself and allow all your anger, frustration or discomfort to come out at that moment

...Taking attitudes that can physically or emotionally harm the other person. Violent attitudes or words generate violence. Remember that it takes two to fight.

4. When you assume the responsibility is yours

When the arguments raised they make you believe on many of the occasions that you have full responsibility for what is happening, because that is how your partner makes you feel.

• Related article: "What is guilt and how can we manage this feeling?"

5. When communicating in one way

That is, you are firmly convinced that you are absolutely right, and the other person is not allowed to return what he has understood of the content of the message.

• You may be interested in: "12 tips to better manage couple arguments"

What to do then?

The training of humans never ends; Thus, It should not be believed that everything is already known in terms of interpersonal relationships, where the most important thing is at stake, which is the way we communicate.

It is essential to first recognize how we are psychologically shaped to be aware of the interpretive mechanisms of our reality, that mistranslate events, throwing an inner message that becomes an obstacle preventing clear communication and open.

Learning to manage thoughts and emotions requires training, which help the person develop the ability to know himself in order to realize the difficulty you have when trying to express what you think and feel.

It is essential to know the reason why you get caught in the wrong way of interpret what is happening around you, because that is where disruptions occur in the communication.