The 7 pillars of couples therapy

Have you ever wondered how couples therapy works? That is, that which explains why psychologists who are dedicated to this specialty do what they do.

As well; Couples therapy is not simply a technique that, applied to love relationships, fixes them always following the same magic formula. It is, in any case, a type of psychological intervention (that is, carried out by psychology professionals) in which use different tools and methods to meet the needs of a given couple relationship, attending to their particularities.

This means that couples therapy is characterized by its plurality, the heterogeneity of its proposals and approaches to the problem to be treated. Therefore, this work of the experts in love relationships cannot be summarized in a single action or formula to make the emotional bond between two people is reinforced. In other words, there are many pillars of couples therapy that explain their way of working. Let's see what they are.

• Related article: "The 5 types of couples therapy"

The pillars of couples therapy: key ideas to strengthen the relationship

These are the key ideas that help to understand what couples therapy is and why it can be of great help to those who decide to go to this type of sessions with a psychologist or psychologist.

1. Communication is the basis of everything

Any relationship needs a constant flow of communication. In other words, the dialogue must be part of the daily life of the two people who form a couple.

However, this is a necessary but insufficient condition by itself for the love bond to be strong; This characteristic can occur and, at the same time, the arguments make the relationship not go well, for example.

2. Physical contact is crucial, beyond sex

Relationships need to leave space for moments of physical contact and a certain intimacy. These moments, beyond pleasant experiences, provide affective proximity: the feeling that with that person you can act in a different way, to express yourself in ways in which we do not express ourselves with anyone else.

By the way, this physical contact does not have to be sexual in all cases: there are people who do not feel desires and impulses of this type, and that is not a problem for them if they are with another person compatible with their asexuality.

3. Finding common interests and hobbies is a plus

The idea that opposites attract in love is a myth. Although there are always exceptions, the normal thing is that the most solid and prosperous relationships are established between people who have a lot in common. Therefore, one of the pillars of couples therapy is create situations in which both find common interests, which allow them to live many stimulating moments together.

4. Arguments are not to be avoided

Another of the pillars of couples therapy is that we must not avoid arguments, because if we we are considering doing it, is that a conflict has already appeared (large or small that surrounds us head.

What to do with the discussions, in any case, is manage them well and take them as something natural in any relationship between people who spend a lot of time together. In this way they will not become a simple ritual, a way of venting by attacking the other, since assuming that arguments are an anomaly leads to blurring their true reason for being and ending up using them to everything.

• You may be interested: "12 tips to better manage couple arguments"

5. Time together is necessary

Love relationships do not exist outside of our living conditions. A marriage in which both of them work hard and return home late at night will hardly find moments to share, and this erodes the health of that emotional bond. It is necessary to find new lifestyles, and do it in a coordinated and consensual way.

6. It is normal to want to have life beyond the couple

A relationship is a commitment that includes many responsibilities, sacrifices and projects, but it is bad to assume that the life of each of its members should be reduced to that. For this reason, couples therapy works to each one to clarify the different ways in which she wants to get involved in the relationship, and what times and situations he prefers to keep to himself.

7. It is important to learn not to prejudge

Love is an intense psychological phenomenon because it encourages us to lose ourselves in what we feel in every moment that we share with the other person. Nevertheless, You also have to know how to adopt a distant perspective and as neutral as possible to assess why the other person behaves as she does, and why we behave as we do.

If we are not capable of this, we run the risk of constantly prejudging, dedicating our efforts more to emit appreciations about the morality of the other than to seek solutions effective.

Where to seek professional assistance?

If you are interested in attending couples therapy to improve the state of your dating or marriage relationship, or to give you a second chance after going through a love crisis and considering the breakup, you can count on professional help from Psychological Consultation Awakenings.

Our team of highly qualified psychologists has a presence both in Madrid Capital and in several of the CAM cities: Leganés, Getafe and Móstoles. To see our contact details, Click here.

Bibliographic references:

• Christensen A., Atkins D.C., Baucom B., Yi J. (2010). "Marital status and satisfaction five years following a randomized clinical trial comparing traditional versus integrative behavioral couple therapy". Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. 78 (2): pp. 225 - 235.
• O'Donohue, W. and Ferguson, K.E. (2006). Evidence-Based Practice in Psychology and Behavior Analysis. The Behavior Analyst Today.