The 6 steps to overcome an infidelity

Infidelities are one of the most common relationship problems, to the point that it is estimated that almost half of courtships and / or marriages have been affected by unfaithful conduct at some point during the relationship.

Taking this into account, it is not surprising that crises due to infidelity are also one of the most common reasons for consultation that people go to. to couples therapy, participating in a process in which, through the participation of a psychologist or psychologist, it is possible to overcome that "pothole" and make That the relationship continues to progress after a stage of repair, or there is a breakup on the friendliest terms possible if this is the only way out.

But beyond the tasks and communication processes that take place in the psychologist's office, there are also a series of general guidelines and tips to take into account to manage infidelity from the first moment and that usually help to face it in the most constructive way possible. In this article we will see what they are.

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The main steps to overcome an infidelity in a relationship

If you have been affected or affected by a case of infidelity on the part of your partner, keep in mind the following guidelines when facing and overcoming the emotional crisis triggered by this done.

1. First of all, focus on yourself

Since you are the person who has been directly harmed by the infidelity, From the first moment you must be clear that the priority must be set on discovering what is best for you.

From that initial question, you will position yourself depending on whether you think it is worth giving new opportunities to the relationship, or if it has come to an end. Even if you opt for the second option, you may feel like a challenge to go from wishes to action and communicate that you are cutting off that courtship or marriage, and in that case, your infidelity management will consist of managing your fears and knowing how to express yourself without letting external pressure lead you to repress you.

• You may be interested in: "Emotional management: 10 keys to master your emotions"

2. Assume your dominant role in communication

An infidelity is, fundamentally, a breakdown of the basic consensus on which the relationship was based. Therefore, if you have suffered an infidelity, as a victim of this you have a role in making decisions about what will happen in relation to that courtship or marriage. If that leadership role is not reflected in the way you communicate (for example, if your partner is offended by not having an equal position when deciding what to do to overcome infidelity), that indicates that there is a trouble.

So, adopt a communicative attitude based on assertiveness: you must be able to say everything you feel and think about what happened, and to openly state your conditions if you think the relationship can continue but with new terms.

• Related article: "Assertiveness: 5 basic habits to improve communication"

3. Don't let me hold you responsible for what happened

One thing is explore the possible causes that have led the other person to commit the infidelity, and another is to give him the opportunity to try to put "part of the blame" on you. As a victim of infidelity, you are not to blame for what happened.

4. If you think about breaking up, plant it directly; if you need time, too

It is perfectly legitimate not to have clear ideas at one point; the important thing is honesty about it. In any case, if you are clear that you want to break up, this should be clear, and if you are not clear but you need time to mature the decision, also explain it clearly, but in this case it is important to clarify whether the loyalty rules applied to the relationship are still valid or not (otherwise the idea that there is a breakup may remain in the air provisional).

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5. If you want to give the relationship another chance, make sure there is a repair

It is not enough for the other person to apologize. And it is not for a reason other than morality.

If you do not show that you are interested in preserving that courtship or marriage by making an effort and performing acts of reparation for the damage caused, you will not have a guarantee that it really shows commitment. And taking into account that commitment is what is broken in infidelity, it is important that this is repaired through acts and not just words, so that if you decide to give her another chance she will not have to suffer, in addition, fears and constant feelings of insecurities for "not being enough" for the other person.

6. Go to couples therapy

If you choose to continue with the relationship, it is still essential to go to couples therapy. This type of psychological intervention is specially designed so that both of you can express yourself, you can address possible problems that wear out coexistence, activities together, the vision of the future of the couple, or communication, and more. And of course, infidelity crises are among the most frequently addressed causes of discomfort in couples therapy.

• Related article: "How do you know when to go to couples therapy? 5 compelling reasons "

Are you looking for professional psychological support?

If you are interested in having psychological assistance services for individuals or couples, I invite you to contact me.

I am a psychologist specialized in intervention through the cognitive-behavioral model, and I work both in person in my office in Madrid and online by video call.