How to have quality communication in the couple?

Communication is one of the most important aspects of couple relationships; however, many people neglect this aspect of their coexistence, assuming that the simple fact of keeping between both a courtship or a marriage is, in itself, a guarantee that the communicative dynamics flow well between the two.

But, in reality, not only is this not true, but also, with the passing of the years and daily life in common, certain forms of Totally dysfunctional communication that, out of sheer habit, are not detected as a problem until they have fully settled in the relationship. couple. In the best of cases, people do not come to adopt problematic communication formulas, but neither do they learn to express themselves and make themselves understood. better with the passage of time, and the quality of the communication they maintain between them stagnates, not allowing that emotional bond to become more deep.

Therefore, in this article we will review several general tips on how to have quality communication as a couple.

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What to do to achieve quality communication in a marriage or courtship?

A good part of the problems that couples have could be solved simply by improving the communication that is established between both members of the same; This is a simple and complex process at the same time, since although in many occasions it is the definitive key that allows solving several problems at the same time, it is not easy to set aside certain habits and routines and replace them with others.

Luckily, for years research has been emerging about what are the strategies of expression and of emotional self-regulation most useful for improving communication as a couple in the most efficient way possible. Let's look at some of the most important.

1. respect above all

Expressing yourself respectfully towards the other person is essential for communication to be carried out satisfactorily; Without respect between both parties, it will be difficult to reach an understanding or common ground.

Talk to our partner without shouting and without being disrespectful It is the first step to achieve a fruitful conversation between adults. Likewise, it is just as important to attend to what the other person says at all times, without making fun of it. at any time and without frivolizing or making inopportune jokes in case the matter dealt with is of great seriousness.

When we have a respectful attitude towards the other person, the respect is returned to us in the same way, thus achieving a sincere and friendly interaction that is based on the willingness to reach agreements.

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2. Focus on the matter

In any interaction with the couple, and especially in discussions, it is very important focus at all times on the issue that specifically needs to be addressed in order to resolve it sooner, without letting the conversation drift into, for example, reproaches about past actions They have nothing to do with what is being talked about.

Endless discussions do not at all favor communication and coexistence between people who share an affective bond and live together, that is why focusing on the issue that must be dealt with will allow us to resolve every problem, conflict or setback that may arise in the daily life.

In order to focus on a particular issue, we must try to talk only about it without opening new conflicting topics and it is also important not to reopen or comment on a topic when it is already solved.

• Related article: "12 tips to better manage couple arguments"

3. organize ideas

The organization is essential in any speech, that is why it is so important that we are clear about what we want to express, what aspects we want to improve in the relationship or in what behaviors we do not agree agreement.

Similarly, when there is a conflict or clash of ideas, we must analyze the origin of the conflict and to what degree we disagree with our partner. Both the ideas and the approaches, motivations or needs that clash between the two members of the couple must be analyzed and ordered from greater to lesser importance.

Know for sure the reason why we do not agree and what are the ideas in which we do we agree is the first step to reach a point of commonality between the two visions that make up the couple.

4. be constructive

Positivity both in attitude and in the way we express ourselves is also essential to maintain a cordial, friendly and focused on solving problems.

Positivity in language is achieved by avoiding extreme and radical terms such as “always” or “never” in phrases such as "you never do anything right", "you always leave everything messy" or "everything I say gives you equal".

On the contrary, the positivity in the attitude that we have towards the couple is achieved by showing ourselves optimistic and confident that we will be able to reach an understanding, with motivation and desire in everything moment.

5. Be clear and specific

Being clear and specific consists of saying everything we want to say in the most understandable way possible for the other person and focus at all times on the essential core of what we want express, ignoring any accessory or less important content.

This means that we must openly say what we think at all times so that all matters are well understood and avoid conflicts in the future due to lack of understanding or misinterpretations.

In addition to clearing up all kinds of misunderstandings from the outset, our speech must be tailored to the other person, so we must use simple words that can be understood by the other party.

6. Keep a conversation respecting the times

Maintaining a rational order at all times means that we must respect the turn to speak of the other person for the duration of the conversation.

This will allow us to listen carefully to what the other has to say without both overlapping. speeches and without interference and the speech reaches the ears of each interlocutor.

7. be empathic

Empathy is the ability to put yourself in another's place at all times., as well as understanding what the other person feels, thinks, wants, suffers or needs.

To improve communication in the couple, it is essential to listen to it at all times, take into account everything what she knows or does not know and clarify at all times all those matters that the other person does not knows.

In this way we will adopt a positive position with which we demonstrate our desire for understanding between both parties.

8. Avoid competitions

In many couples, there can sometimes be competitive relationships to see who is right at all times. This kind of communication can be negative and over time end up generating all kinds of friction, conflicts and toxicity.

That is why, in order to achieve a healthier communication based on respect and harmony, we must avoid always compete with the other person on any issue and compromise between both to reach a common point agreement.

9. highlight the good

Another way to achieve positivity in language is found when it comes to highlighting how good things are. there is in the other person, a strategy that contributes enormously to improve communication in the couple.

Instead of always focusing on the bad, praising the good that the other person does will lay the foundation for positive communication and healthy coexistence.

10. Search for suitable interaction contexts

Any conversation or discussion between couples should take place at the most appropriate time and place so that they can be resolved successfully and no environmental interruptions of any kind.

This means that, if we anticipate that a conversation will last several hours, we must plan it ahead of time and find the right moment in which to have it. In the same way, if personal issues are going to be discussed, it is better to have the conversation in private and not in a public place with people around us.

11. Avoid heated argument

Psychology professionals conclude that before holding a heated discussion at its height of tension and altered emotional states, we should try to go for a walk or go to any other place to reassure us.

When partners are in altered states, hurtful things may be said to one another that one later regrets. that is why it is so important to keep the discussion in a relaxed and balanced emotional state.

12. Avoid labeling and generalizing

As previously mentioned, generalizations are negative and can cause a lot of pain for those who receive certain hurtful labels.

That is why we must avoid using phrases such as "you are lazy because you never clean or order the house", "you are ridiculous" or "you are manipulative", since they are very harsh and hurtful words, on the contrary we should focus more on saying what we do not like about the person's attitude, instead of defining it by its acts.

13. Active listening

Active listening is a social skill that will help us improve communication with our partner and allow us to have much more meaningful and profound interactions.

Active listening means paying attention at all times to what the other person has to say and understand in a global way, not only what he is saying but also his intentions, motivations or desires.

14. Do not leave unresolved issues

Any couple that puts quality communication into practice solves all their problems on the spot and leaves no issues hanging or unresolved.

That is why, in order to have optimal communication, we must always try to fix any problem, conflict or setback that may arise at any given moment.