My son does not want to study: possible causes and what to do

Studying is one of those tasks that many boys and girls perceive as unpleasant. Getting down to it is hard and of course, they would rather be playing or watching television than open their textbook and do their homework.

Although they usually associate it as a boring task, most boys and girls get to it. What remedy? Obligations are obligations and at such a tender age study is the only mandatory thing in their lives.

However, sometimes there are children who directly do not study at all. This is an obviously problematic situation because without bending their elbows it is a matter of time before their academic performance is poor.

Has it happened to you as a parent? Do you have a son who does not study at all? If you have told yourself over and over again that "my son does not want to study" here is why and what you can do. Read on to find out.

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My son does not want to study: Why is this happening?

Boys and girls should be happy. The first years of life are the ones that are remembered with the most joy because the innocence and freedom of not having too many obligations color those beautiful memories.

Apart from going to school and learning what is taught in it, the little ones do not have any other important obligations. The rest is playing with friends, enjoying your free time with all kinds of entertainment alone or with others, and living a carefree life.

The only obligation of boys and girls is to study. The little ones must do their homework, open their textbook from time to time to prepare for exams, and pay attention in class. This is also applicable to adolescents who, although they may have some other obligation in the form of taking care of their little brothers or helping at home, the truth is that the only constant in the life of minors to study is to dedicate part of their time in the obligation to study.

However, studying is not seen as a pleasant or comfortable task. While there are children who really enjoy learning, others see it as something they would prefer to avoid if they could. The latter end up learning what they have to study at the end because they have no other choice. That they do not like to study does not mean that they do not end up doing it, perhaps with some distaste, but in the end they sink their elbows.

But there are not a few boys and girls who do not want to study at all. They don't open their books, they don't do their homework and they even pass exams completely. The parents of these little ones can get angry as soon as they find out about the poor performance of their children, thinking that this way they might wake up and do the only obligation you have in your young lives, but things are not that simple.

There may be several reasons why our little one does not study and getting angry with him or her will only make things worse. The reasons why your child does not want to study may be the following.

1. Lack of motivation

Human beings do tasks or activities because we have a goal or motivation. In the case of children, their main responsibility is to learn, but simply, if they do not feel motivated, they will not study. If this is the case, this is where we have to put ourselves in our role as parents and explain to them the importance of studying, making them understand the many benefits that it implies for their future.

Make an effort and be creative. Try to find fun and educational ways to teach your child to study, instead of using punishment or penalties as the main method. Try to know a little more about what your child is like, pay attention to what he likes and reinforce him so that he move in that direction, so he will feel more motivated to do it because he will see that it is actually something that like.

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2. Not understanding some subjects

There are easier subjects and others more difficult, something to which is also added the interest and talent that the child may have for some subjects. Without the need for a learning problem, it may be that the child does not understand some content. The less he understands, the less motivated he feels to study, and he may even think that he is really unintelligent. or that he is worse than his peers. Clearly, if this is your belief, we would be facing a significant self-esteem problem.

Whatever the specific case may be, it is crucially important that parents identify the cause and, if necessary, help their little one to reinforce those subjects that he does not understand. You may just need to have the lesson explained a few more times, or you may need a few extra examples.

It is possible that what he does not understand about the subjects is a trifle, so small that the moment he understands it he begins to go well in that subject, seeing that he really understands it and that he is no less intelligent or inferior than the rest of his mates. If you really have a lot of difficulties for a subject, it is not a bad thing to go to review or ask the teacher to give us some kind of reinforcement material for our child.

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3. Family problems

Children are very sensitive to how their parents' relationship is. Many adults believe that children are not aware of the problems in their home, but the reality is very different. Little ones pay close attention to their parents' arguments, even when they seem to be concentrating on something else like playing games or watching TV. They are sensitive enough to sense when things are not going well, and obviously even more so when they witness domestic violence.

Domestic violence affects children directly, by witnessing the violence or receiving it, and indirectly, when the problems cause their parents to be absent or irritated, unable to exercise their role as caregivers of their children children. Among the multiple negative effects that violence exerts on the child we have poor school performance, caused both by problems of concentration thinking about family problems as well as a way to show that he is affected by what happens in his home.

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4. bullying

School harassment or "bullying" is, unfortunately, a very common phenomenon in schools. The violent behavior of some students, both physically and verbally, can be real hell for their victims. Even in primary schools this phenomenon occurs, worsening in secondary education and high school. It is a scourge for which there is still a lot of effort and a long way to go.

The child who suffers from bullying loses interest in studying. Bullying is one of the main determinants of school failure. Being a victim of mistreatment from classmates, in the form of threats, insults, humiliation and physical aggression, takes away the desire to start studying.

The boy he sees school not as a safe place where he goes to learn, but as a hostile environment where other kids are going to hurt him and he's not going to be able to get out of there for 8 hours a day Monday through Friday. The bullied child has problems with concentration, attention and is hypervigilant in class fearing the next attack.

We need to find out if our son is being bullied at school. Sometimes it is difficult, because there are children who are afraid to tell their parents or feel ashamed. As parents, we should not have any qualms about going to the school or institute, talking directly with the tutor and finding out what the situation is.

If we know the parents of the children who are bullying our child, we must talk to them. With any luck they will be against what their children are doing and will speak seriously to them. If unfortunately this is not the case, it may be a good option to warn the other parents of what the bully child is doing so that their children are safe and notify the class tutor.

Be that as it may, show our son that as parents we are not going to consent to this ill-treatment and that we give him our full support.

What can we do to help our son to study?

Now that we have seen the main causes behind our son not wanting to study, we are going to see a series of strategies that you can use to change the situation. Although we have already half-introduced some of them with their respective causes, we will explain the main ones in more detail below.

1. Create study spaces

It is very important that there are rooms in the house designed for him to bend his elbows. They must be spaces conducive to study, where there are no distracting stimuli such as noise, television or the console. The desk should be spacious for books, pens, pencils, and all the other materials you need to study. If he has to leave the room to look for something, he's likely to get distracted, so make sure he has everything he needs without having to interrupt his study.

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2. Organize the study

If he is still very small, it is a very good idea to help your child to organize his study and homework. One might think that they will end up learning responsibility and organization on their own, but the truth is is that children learn from their parents and if we are neither organized nor responsible, neither will ours be children.

For this reason, during the first school years, it is important to help your child in his school calendar. Organize with him a calendar of each of the school months. In this way, he will learn how to organize himself and, in the future, he will do it on his own without the help of anyone, keeping in mind when he has to deliver something or take an exam.

This can be a very fun task. Use different colored markers for each task, such as one color for exams, another for deliveries, and another for weekly homework. The calendar that you make should be placed in a visible place in the house or that the child sees often, such as the door of his room, so he will not be forgotten.

3. Establish a routine

Little ones need stability and routine to function well. This is not only applicable to study hours, but also to meal times, leisure and sleep. As parents, we should establish a more or less stable schedule during the week to generate a routine, making children internalize schedules that, even if it is to do something they don't like, they end up doing it out of inertia.

Snack and dinner should always be at the same time every day. The study time can be shortly after eating, around 5:00 p.m. or the time that best suits the child, but always at the same time. As for sleep, they should always go to sleep before 10 p.m. at the latest and make sure that they sleep a minimum of 8 hours because it is already known that poor sleep is synonymous with poor performance academic.

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4. Combat frustration and promote emotional management

Emotions modulate the degree to which we learn something. It is very difficult to learn when we are angry, unmotivated or upset because the task seems too long or difficult. If this can cost us as adults, it will cost even more to a little one who still does not have a good management of her emotions.

We must observe the child while he studies, to see if he shows signs of frustration that make it difficult for him to learn. In this context, our help and management of the situation is essential. For example, if the little one has a hard time reading an entire topic in a row, we can divide it into two smaller ones and take a break between them. If we see that he is tired, frustrated or in a bad mood, it is better to stop and try to calm him down rather than insist that he continue.

But beware! This does not mean that we allow him to take a break so that he can start playing or dedicate himself to leisure. This pause should be to calm him down, to calm him down, try to put him in the right mood so that he can start studying and teach him to manage his emotions. The idea is to avoid at all costs associating study or homework with a negative situation, but also avoid teaching him that if he gets frustrated while studying we allow him to take a break to play.

5. Studying is not just reading the book

Studying is not limited to reading the textbook and trying your luck to see if you remember what you read. If this is already something that university students themselves have a hard time understanding... Can you imagine elementary school children? Thus, it is essential to explain to them that reading the book or just doing their homework is not studying, but that they have to do other tasks to consolidate learning.

Make annotations in the margins of the pages, create outlines and summaries of the texts, review the tables and charts of the textbook... These are just a few examples of homework that contributes to deeper and more meaningful learning rather than a purely homework assignment. rote.

Should parents help their children study?

One of the most discussed debates about the education of children is whether parents should help them study. Parents should show interest in how their children's studies are going not only at the time of receiving the grades, but throughout the course. They need to see if they are doing their homework, if they are really learning, and if they are studying for tests. This does not mean being aware of them at all hours or doing homework with them always, but it does mean showing enough interest to show that we are there, supporting them.

The answer to the question of whether parents should help their children study depends on the situation:

On the one hand the answer is "yes", as long as it is profitable to do so. Especially with younger children, it's a good idea for parents to help them study in ways like checking their spelling or checking to see if they've done a math problem right. and teach them in case it is wrong. In this way, parents act as reinforcement support that provides security to the child, making sure to avoid any misunderstanding of a certain topic or exercise.

On the other hand, the answer is "no" when we know that the child is capable of doing her homework or studying on her own. Helping them study is not doing their homework or solving things without them trying.. Helping implies making them understand what they have done wrong in a certain exercise or solving doubt, but allowing them to take an active role and fostering autonomy when they are put to to study.

And we must always be clear thatHelp and support should be given slowly and lovingly. Helping with a disgusted face, using a tone as if he were less intelligent, does not help in the least and makes him associate study with a scolding or contempt from his parents, those people who are supposed to love him unconditionally. What you should do as a parent is to value what he has done well and, if he has done something wrong, explain it to him well.

Reinforcing him when he does well is essential for his learning so that he is more motivated to study and does not associate homework or studying with an unpleasant moment.