Liana relationships: what they are and how they affect us emotionally

Some people have trouble ending a relationship and being alone. They don't give themselves time to get over the breakup and grieve, fearing the emotions that naturally occur in this process.

Relationships that are chained one after another are called liana relationships. and they can be a symptom of a deep fear of loneliness. Let's take a closer look at what causes them and what their consequences are.

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What are liana relationships?

Liana relationships are those that are chained one after another, that is, just when a previous relationship ends, a new one begins. There is not enough time between relationships to introspect or reflect on what went wrong in the previous one.

Motivated by the belief that a nail will drive out another nail, people who fall into liana relationship dynamics they try to avoid as much as possible the pain of breaking up.

They are called “vine relationships” because it is reminiscent of what Tarzan used to do, going from one vine to another. He doesn't let go of the previous one until he has the other well caught to avoid falling. And that is precisely what people who chain relationships do, they fear falling into the emotions of mourning a breakup, so they start a new relationship.

The problem is that no matter how much they believe it, a nail will never pull out another nail. In fact, it will leave him more inside and, the more liana relationships you have, deeper and greater will be the pain of each of the failed relationships.

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Why do we fall into these kinds of relationships?

Typically, people who fall into liana relationship dynamics have difficulty managing the emotions caused by separation from a relationship. Not being able to tolerate the feeling of emptiness typical of breakups, they tend to look for another relationship to disconnect from the emotion.

What they don't know is that you really need to feel that empty feeling after a breakup in order to pull yourself together and make a future emotional investment with another person. In addition, the duel After a breakup it is a necessary process, from which you learn, grow and mature.

Another reason people may form liana relationships is intolerance of loneliness. They are individuals who have a deep fear of loneliness and who make dating someone part of their way of being.

When they break up, they feel like they lose that part of their identity, they don't know who they are without a relationship. As they define themselves as people who go out with others (for example, the boyfriend of, the girl of...), when they cease to be, their identity cracks.

It can also be said that This type of relationship has been motivated by the many myths that exist around the idea of ​​love, especially about the romantic love how much damage has been done. Many people believe that happiness depends exclusively on having a partner, saying things like "I'm happier with a partner", "you can only being happy with a boyfriend/girlfriend” “finding love is the most important thing to be happy”, “we are made to be in a couple” and other beliefs of the style.

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Consequences of liana relationships

The first of the consequences of Liana relationships is that we deprive ourselves of grieving with the previous relationship. This causes us to lose the opportunity to learn and prepare ourselves psychologically and emotionally for other future relationships. Because we are desperate to start a new romance, we stop being selective and risk plunging into abusive relationships.

Going through a breakup is painful. Unpleasant emotions like sadness, anger, and frustration are normal and need to be lived through for months after the breakup in order to come out a stronger person. Pretending not to live them by entering a new relationship, even if we don't feel them at the same time, will make them end entrenched inside us and causing us even more damage when they emerge when, the next time we break up or do not get a partner righ now.

liana relationships limit our self-knowledge and satisfactionBecause we don't allow ourselves to spend time alone with the most important person in our lives: ourselves. This causes a lack of knowledge because, as we define ourselves through the relationship or make much of our identity is that of being someone's partner, we completely forget ourselves or delve into who are.

Another consequence of falling into liana relationship dynamics is that we deprive ourselves of growing and learning new skills. If by breaking up one relationship we immediately start another, we don't give ourselves space to recognize mistakes and prepare for the next relationship. The emotions that we have not processed will end up being overturned with the next partner, such as insecurity, jealousy and mistrust.

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How do I know if I'm in a liana relationship?

Knowing if you are immersed in this type of dynamic is complicated, but not impossible. Liana relationships are characterized by the fact that very little time passes between them. They are relationships that Due to their low level of depth, they hardly exceed a year in duration, with very few exceptions..

One of the traits that can tell us the most that we are prone to liana relationships is that we see patterns repeating themselves. When we are with the new partner, this seems to fill that void left by the previous one, but in the moments that you are without him or her, feelings of sadness and loneliness reappear. This can be interpreted to mean that the wound from the previous relationship is still open, that it was not properly processed in a duel, and that we started our current relationship too soon.

Another aspect that can indicate to us that we are prone to liana relationships is that we really need to be with our partner, and not only that, but we also want them to go through important moments prematurely. For example, as soon as we go out with a boyfriend or girlfriend we already want to go meet their family, live together, adopt a pet, take a big trip or even get engaged.

In addition to all these clues that we could be prone to liana relationships, we can find out by finding out if the following three points are given:

• Trying to change the partner to look like our ex.
• Recurrently think about the previous relationship.
• Get out of one relationship and start another in less than a month.