The 4 types of regret (and how they affect us)

Regret is a feeling that causes discomfort in the subject, and occurs when he is aware that did something wrong and that prompts him to act to correct the situation and reduce the bad sensations.

Likewise, there are different types of repentance depending on the cause that generates them. We will talk about regret. Understanding his characteristics is key to properly managing this feeling and the emotions associated with it. Therefore, in this article we will see what types of repentance exist and how to deal with this feeling.

• Related article: "Emotional psychology: main theories of emotion"

What does repentance consist of?

repentance consists of the feeling of discomfort that appears when a subject is aware that he did something wrong. Recognition can be linked to the performance or omission of action, as well as an improper thought. It is important to emphasize that the subject feels responsible for the events, feeling bad about it.

In this way, the discomfort is due to reprehensible behavior done in the past for which the individual now feels guilty. On the other hand,

it is believed that the word repentance means "change of mind" in the sense of being able to change the perspective with which we perceive things or the situation and thus be able to realize that we are not acting well. This change of perspective is linked at the same time with a change of behavior, if the subject is aware and does not like how he acts, he will try to correct his damage and will not repeat it.

As we have seen, lived regret is something that causes us discomfort and that arises from something that we would prefer not to have done or to have done differently. Still, this it is the most direct way to learn not to repeat those actions to avoid negative emotions in the face of these errors.

The concept of repentance appears in different religions linked to sin, that is, it is related to acting against a divine law. In this way, the different religions affirm that we must repent of our sins and change the course of our lives, that is, embrace a completely different path guided by God. On the other hand, the existentialist current conceives repentance as a need or desire to go back in order to remedy, change, an action where we acted against our principles or beliefs.

Another area where the term repentance appears is in criminal law.; when the culprit accepts the crime, confesses and is cooperative, he is granted special treatment, being more benevolent with him and sentencing him to the minimum penalty. The final intention shown by repentance in the criminal sphere is to obtain the subject's confession and receive new information that may help in the case.

Finally, in the field of neurology, which deals with the study of the brain, using the functional magnetic resonance technique (used to study brain function) it has been observed that the regions most involved and that show more activity when the subject feels sorry are the orbitofrontal cortex, which is related to decision making, the cingulate gyrus anterior, which is part of the limbic system linked to emotions, and the hippocampus, which is the main memory-related region.

• You may be interested: "How to learn from mistakes: 9 effective tips"

Differences between remorse and regret

Although sometimes, if the differences are not known, these terms can be used interchangeably, they are not really synonyms and we must learn to distinguish them to know when it is proper to use each.

In the case of remorse, the individual feels bad about what he did, but does nothing to remedy it.; On the other hand, in the case of repentance, it is not enough just to feel bad about what we have done or failed to do, but we will try to solve the situation, in other words, it will be necessary to make a change to consider that the subject is really regretful.

• Related article: "What is emotional intelligence?"

The main types of regret

Now that we know what is meant by repentance, it is easier to understand that everyone will feel in at some point this feeling or discomfort since we do not always act as we should or as it would be more suitable. Of course, it is likely that there are people who do not recognize repentance because they are not aware of having done anything wrong, which, as we said, is an important point to show this feeling. So let's see what types of repentance exist.

1. regret for indecision

Indecision regret refers to the negative feelings that appear when we let a good opportunity pass us by.. In this specific case, we will talk about lack of action, that is, the subject loses a good opportunity for not having acted, out of fear or for another reason. Thus the individual will feel regret for not having performed the relevant behavior and for having missed the occasion.

This type of regret was linked to saying “No” when what we really wanted was to say “Yes”. On this occasion, taking risks, as long as they are controlled, entail less discomfort.

• You may be interested: "What's the use of apologizing? Its 6 benefits"

2. The regret of being able to do better

In this type of regret, the subject feels bad for not having given 100% or for being able to have done better.. In this case, the thoughts are typical: “I could have been a better friend”, “I could have been a better wife/husband” or “I could have been a better mother/father”. By definition of this lament, it is common for it to appear when the subject is older and sees his death near.

This regret is common, since people tend to compare ourselves and want to be the best in the different functions we perform. In addition, there is also a tendency to self-value in a negative way and compare oneself with a perfection that does not exist. In this way, there will always be something we could have done better and for which we could feel sorry.

• Related article: "The 3 types of perfectionism, and how they affect us"

3. moral regret

Moral repentance, as its name indicates, discomfort is linked to an act or non-act that goes against what is morally well seen or morally correct. This type of regret makes us feel bad for having harmed another person, either because we have lied to them, we have taken advantage of them, we have scammed them, among others. Behaviors that go against our goodness as a person, relating to malice.

• You may be interested: "Lawrence Kohlberg's Theory of Moral Development"

4. relationship regret

Relationship or connection regret appears when the subject feels bad for having lost or damaged the relationship with a loved one., with someone who was important to him; that is, it is normally due to estrangement from close family members or friends.

As is obvious throughout our lives we will distance ourselves or lose relationship with some subjects, a fact that In the long run, it can lead to bad feelings for not having done what was due or not having taken care of the relationship. enough.

How to deal with regret?

So, as we have already mentioned, regret is a feeling that we all have at some point, for this reason it is useful to know how we can deal with it and try to reduce discomfort. In the face of repentance, the appropriate response, and one that is really functional, is to make a change and try to fix the situation, although it is true that not every time it will be possible to carry out the change.

In this way, we must first assess whether an action can be carried out to modify the situation or not, that is, if the door is minimally open or completely closed. All is not always lost and on occasion we may amend our decision or conduct.

For example, we can offer ourselves as candidates for a job that we had previously passed up, we can try to recover the relationship with the person with whom we lost contact and we can try to make amends for our bad behavior that hurt another individual.

Regret is a normal feeling that can act as an activator to improve our state or situation. Feeling regret in adulthood, when this feeling should already be developed, is a sign of being mentally healthy. On the contrary, the absence could be related to some kind of psychological pathology.

In addition, we can use this discomfort as a way to solve the situation, not to make a mistake or not miss an opportunity in the future. May the memory of this feeling help us to reflect and to know how to act in new situations that may arise. Sometimes we need to be a little brave to achieve our goals and achieve well-being.