Give space to emotions

Emotions, like thoughts, can come to us suddenly and unexpectedly. We have no control over them, although on many occasions we would like to, and they can surprise or confuse us.

How can you be jealous of this? Why do things affect me so much? I do not like being sad. They are phrases that are often heard and that cause confusion in people, especially if they do not allow themselves to have a certain emotion, especially negative emotions.

• Related article: "Emotional management: 10 keys to dominate your emotions"

Ways to manage emotions

In this situation, people we can react in different ways to cope with that emotion, the most frequent are:

• We can see it, notice that we are feeling it, and act on it.
• We can not get carried away by the impulse of that emotion, avoiding feeling as if the emotion is a wave that washes us to the shore.
• “Cover up” the emotion at the moment to later explode, or cover it up through the search for other emotions that manage to mitigate the emotion that we do not want to have.

• You may be interested: "Emotional psychology: main theories of emotion"

emotional validation

Emotional validation consists of accept the emotion when it occurs, without trying to change or eliminate it.

By validating the emotion we feel, it is given the weight it deserves and is seen as legitimate and meaningful. After all, emotions are produced by our own body, it is something “ours” that belongs to us and identifies us in a given situation.

In this sense, when we want to emotionally support someone, we usually and must validate the emotion that they are experiencing. Especially if it is sadness, anger or frustration where we tend to empathize to a greater extent and try not to make them feel bad, as a general rule we do not want to see people badly. This interaction must be empathic and supportive, without judging and putting all our attention on how the person is feeling.

So why do we understand the negative emotions of others and have a hard time allowing ourselves to feel them? There are many answers to this question, and it depends on each person. Nevertheless, it is usual not to allow ourselves to be wrong, not feeling vulnerable or unable to control something, etc.

On the other hand, some guidelines to give your place to how the other person who transmits an emotion is feeling are:

• Listen, validate and pay attention to what you want to express to us. Not everything consists in finding a solution to the problem.

• Welcome, accept, not judge and empathize with what he tells us.

• Understand the relationship between life experiences and how you feel at that moment.

• Act with compassion and affection.

• Related article: "Emotional validation: 6 basic tips to improve it"

Benefits of emotional validation in therapy and in daily life

If the emotion is not valid or respected, it can be seen as excessive, misplaced, or negative. This can encourage the person to feel that they should not feel that way or that there are bad emotions that they should not have, feeling different from other people.

When our emotions are accepted, we can manage them better, which translates into greater psychological well-being. On the other hand, the fact of expressing our emotions to another person and that these are welcomed and accepted, improves the bond and intimacy of that relationship.

Definitely, all emotional expression is valid and makes sense within the context in which it occurs. There really are no positive or negative emotions, they all fulfill a specific function when they appear and our best option is to validate it, normalize it and feel it. In addition, we can learn from them and they help us to regulate ourselves once we allow ourselves to experience it.

• You may be interested: "The Sense of Emotional Regulation"

What can we learn from emotional validation and how can we benefit from it?

With emotional validation towards other people or with emotional self-validation in ourselves, we undertake a process of learning and understanding these expressions that will help us improve how we treat ourselves and in our interpersonal relationships, since they will feel understood and accepted.

Thus, it is important to have an open mind when looking at another person's emotions. To achieve acceptance of the emotion we see in another person we must be aware that what you feel, your emotion, you have to respect it, since it always makes sense in the context in which it happens.

We will finally be able to improve our relationship with the people around us, and this will also benefit how they value our emotional expressions when they also empathize to a greater extent due to the bond created. We like to help by nature, we are social beings, and we are more motivated to help if that person has previously helped us and we feel in some way “indebted” to them.

Remember that the center PsychoAlmería, both in person and online, the center's psychologists will help you understand your emotions. You will learn to validate them to later understand why they are produced, what they transmit to you and what you can do with them to achieve your psychological well-being.

Author: Sandra García López, Psychologist at PsicoAlmería.