Breadcrumbing: what it is, what causes it, and how to detect it in a relationship

Social networks have changed everything, and relationships are no exception. With the appearance of instant messaging chats and dating applications, there are several new virtual phenomena concerning the sentimental world.

Ghosting, orbiting, stalking… many anglicisms have been used to describe particular relational dynamics, mostly toxic, that have changed the panorama of love relationships. Today we are going to talk about a phenomenon that is well translated as giving emotional crumbs: breadcrumbing.

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What is breadcrumbing?

Brother of the "ghosting", the "orbiting” and other foreign words typical of the virtual world, “breadcrumping” is another word in English applied to the world of sentimental relationships in a world where everything goes through networks social. It comes from the word "breadcrump", which in the language of Shakespeare means "breadcrumb". We could define it as the tactic used by those people who

they send the minimum signals to their partner, showing that they are still there, giving hope to the other party that they are still in a loving relationship, but that they do not want to get involved with greater commitment.

Although breadcrumbing was born and grew on social networks, it has moved to our real world. It can occur in relationships where physical dates have already been had, in which the other person is treated with kindness but without reaching anything else, nothing concrete or more intimate. He limits himself to giving just enough to maintain the relationship, even if it is minimal. It is leaving emotional breadcrumbs, creating hope in the other but without going any further.

The other part lives in a paradoxical situation. On the one hand, Since your partner is giving you those emotional crumbs, you hope that one day it will go further.. On the other hand, she is aware that her partner does not get more involved because he does not want to, he is not willing to go to anything else, but since he is not sure if break up or not, the person who is a victim of breadcrumbing keeps the relationship open trapped in the thought of “maybe one day I will take a step plus". They receive the wrong signals, signals that one day suggest that the breadcrumber wants to go further and that the next day they don't want to be as intimate.

Finding yourself in this situation, in which on the one hand you have the hope of going further but you rationally know that it will not be so because the other party is not willing, it is extremely painful for the person who only wants to feel loved. The pain and frustration of having tried everything and not having achieved anything or being able to convincing the breadcrumber destroys the other person who does want to live in a full, healthy and functional.

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Causes: Why do they do it?

According to Dr. Kelly Campbell, professor of psychology at California State University, People who breadcrumb do it because their self-esteem depends a lot on how much attention they get from them. others. Although the exact reasons for their behavior vary widely, there are some psychological patterns that Dr. Campbell that would explain why people who throw emotional breadcrumbs at us do so.

1. To feel better

Breadcrumbers toss crumbs to make themselves feel better. The more interest they get from others, the better they feel.

2. Seek validation from others

People who practice breadcrumbing need validation from others. They do not feel comfortable or confident unless they are constantly told by others that they are worthy or valuable, and the attention they receive from others with their actions is a good way to receive such validation.

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3. they are narcissistic

People who breadcrumb often have narcissistic personality traits, or even narcissistic personality disorder. They do not feel guilty about manipulating others or playing with their emotions.

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How to know if our partner is breacrumper?

Breadcrumbing is a form of psychological manipulation, highly damaging to the mental health of the victim. Living in a couple relationship in which the other only gives us emotional crumbs is not love, rather it borders on psychological abuse. This is why it is important to know if we are being victims of this type of manipulative tactics in order to stop them as soon as possible and, if necessary, break a relationship that offers us nothing.

To know if we are victims of breadcrumbing, it is necessary to look for the following behaviors.

1. Unclear and concise couple

If our partner is an unclear and concise person when dealing with us, we have reason to suspect. This is especially noticeable in situations such as making plans. If in this scenario it only gives us ambiguous answers such as “we'll see” or “maybe”, but never gets to specify when, it is breadcrumbing us.

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2. Gives signs of life every so often

In a couple relationship, where the two love each other very much, it is normal for communication to be maintained with some frequency. If you're dating someone, it makes sense to know what he's doing or where he is, at least once a day, without engaging in obsessive or controlling behavior.

Well, breadcrumbers give signs of life every so often, perfectly only once a week. It may be the case that weeks go by without knowing anything about that individual who is supposed to be our boyfriend. They have not broken up with us, but they are not present nor do they show that they are still there frequently. They leave the door ajar, they end up going back to play their boyfriend role, but they don't intensify the communication or make the relationship more serious.

In this sense, we can say that breadcrumbing is related to "ghosting" and "orbiting", only without reaching such extremes. Ghosting involves disappearing suddenly, leaving no trace, and passively breaking, while orbiting doesn't differ too much. except for the fact that the other person does give signs of continuing to exist, in the form of likes on social media, for example.

In breadcrumbing, the disappearance is not total as in ghosting, nor does it interact as superficially as in orbiting., plus there is no breakage either. In theory, you continue dating the breadcrumper, only the relationship is kept to a minimum level, with just enough interaction so that the other can say that you have a relationship.

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3. They prefer online interaction

Breadcrumbers prefer online interaction and avoid physical relationships, even though is not always like that. One of their tactics is virtual flirtation, applied in the form of a "tug of war" that serves to keep the other person pending, but they never take the step of going further.

4. Erratic and inconsistent behavior

Breadcrumbers are people who can make us feel wonderful, but if we analyze their behavior more deeply, we begin to see that there are gaps, that there is something wrong. To top, they are experts at making us believe that these strange things are our own, perceptions that perhaps the ones who behave incoherently are us.

5. They never open up emotionally

For breadcrumbers, it's never the time to talk about feelings. That is something too intense for them, since it implies reaching a degree of intimacy that they are not interested in. They prefer to live in a relationship where they get enough attention from their lover but without her becoming so serious that she becomes more committed.. To avoid it, they make all kinds of excuses, everything necessary to avoid talking about what they feel.