How to get out of emotional dependence in a friendship?

We all have friends, some better and some not so good. Our relationships with others can be very diverse but what they should all have in common is that we respect each other.

There are very close and solid friendships, best friends with whom we plan everything: vacations, get-togethers, live together… however, sometimes this good friendship turns into a toxic, dysfunctional and excessively dependent. An unhealthy attachment develops that means that if one stays with other people, the other party feels betrayed.

It also happens that the relationship between two people is so, but so excessively dependent that one cannot consider his life without the other, without being neither a family nor a couple. The independence of two individuals vanishes and they become two people who make up a unit that, when one of them leaves, feels amputated.

Know how to get out of emotional dependence in a friendship It is the issue that we are going to address today, but not before talking about what is meant by dependency and codependency and what signs give it away. Let's go there!

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How to get out of emotional dependence in a friendship

It is common that, when talking about emotional dependency, the first thing that comes to mind is a dysfunctional relationship. Although it is common for relationships of this type to develop problems related to dependence, the truth is that this phenomenon can also occur in family relationships and in those of friendship. Friendships where emotional dependence has become something that characterizes them are not rare and, in fact, it is not strange to start being friends with someone and, after a little time, this relationship becomes toxic, addictive and possessive.

Emotional dependency is the need for protection and support where trust in the relationship is becomes an essential element that influences the self-esteem, identity and general functioning of a person. Emotional dependence is synonymous with unhealthy attachment, in which a person needs the almost permanent contact of another person, their constant attention and their exclusivity. That need ends up creating toxic bonds in which the dependent person pressures and overwhelms her friendship for not receiving that torrent of attention that the other person needs.

In friendship relationships contaminated by emotional dependency, one person makes her life revolve around the other. They feel jealous when one of the two friends comments that she is going to do something without the other, with other friends, or has already done it and has not told him. One, or both, become obsessed when the other doesn't give him all the attention he requires.

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Signs of emotional dependency in a friendship

There are several signs that allow us to see that we are part of a friendship relationship in which there is emotional dependence. Here we will see a few:

1. Jealousy if she stays with another

Emotional dependence in a friendship relationship is evidenced when there is jealousy, the result of one of the two go out with other people to go to the movies, go out to party or simply because you have met other friends without him or her.

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2. Obsession

One or both people in the friendship show a clear obsession with the other. They spend all day thinking about his friend, not because he likes her or because she wants to have something deeper with him, but he turns over and over what he has said and done.wondering what she is doing and if she is betraying his friendship with him.

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3. Adaptation to the life of the other

One tries to adapt to the life of the other in absolutely everything: tastes, interests, profession... The need to be accepted by the other person is so intense that one fears that if one thinks or acts differently from what the other wants, the relationship will end.. This desire to please the other in an extreme way is proof of a deep lack of self-esteem.

4. The friend becomes the priority

When you have a relationship of extreme emotional dependency with a friend, this becomes the top priority of our lives, putting it before other friendships and even our own. family. And worst of all: comes before oneself. One becomes so dependent on the friend in question that he is capable of canceling important plans, such as a date with a romantic interest or a family get-together, because the friend has told you at the last minute of stay.

5. Friendship dependent mood

The happiness and general mood of the dependent person depends on their friend. When she feels loved and cared for by her friend, she doesn't need anything else and no one else in her life. But, when he realizes that this attention is not exclusive to oneself, the dependent person feels sadness and anguish.

6. Other warning signs

In addition to these, we can highlight some behaviors related to emotional dependency in a friendship:

• One acts as the other's savior, putting the other's needs above their own.
• One feels responsible for helping the other always.
• The dependency towards the relationship is fed.
• One cares excessively about the other.
• One feels bad if several days go by without meeting.
• One or both give up other friends to be together.

How to get out of emotional dependence on a friend or a friend

Getting out of a friendship relationship with emotional dependency is complicated. Whether you are the dependent or your friend, in the long run, the relationship will make you suffer emotionally. Fortunately, this can be changed with a little willpower and effort. You can get the relationship to become a healthier one, free of toxic dependencies, although it is possible that in the worst case the relationship ends. You have to know how to assess whether it is better to continue having an extremely dependent friendship relationship or if you prefer to be a free and happy individual.

The first step out of these dysfunctional and toxic relational dynamics is to become aware of them. Depending too much on a friend distances us from our family, partner and other friends who can that give us much more than the person with whom we maintain a highly dependent friendship emotional. Friends are there to support us, and we should support them too, but they cannot take away our individuality or freedom..

1. learn to live alone

One of the main triggers of emotional dependency with someone, be it a friend, a family member or a partner, is the fear of loneliness. This fear is the origin of many relationships of dependency.

Fortunately, this can be improved if one learns to live in solitude, seeing that solitude is not such a bad thing if you know how to live in it and it serves to carry out a deep introspection, discover and enjoy freedom and independence.

Getting to know oneself better by seeing what our genuine tastes, interests and desires are, not those that our relationship with another person has made us think are what characterize us. It's time to start doing things for yourself, be yourself, without expecting to count on anyone.

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2. Expand the social circle

If we take care of our social relationships and expand our social circle, we will have a network of more extensive support, a group made up of friends, family and, if they have one, a partner what It will help us to receive help when we need it without depending excessively on a single person..

One of the main problems why a person ends up developing excessive emotional dependence on a friend is that this particular friend is the only one available.

To have more members of our social circle, with their points of view, tastes, interests and activities varied, we will not only have a larger group of people who can help us when we need it, but also that in addition we can have a broader perspective of what happens to us.

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3. Get out of the comfort zone

It may seem that it is not very related, but the truth is that if we get out of our comfort zone and we change our routine we can get out of emotional dependence in a friendship.

Doing new things like signing up for a language course, going to the gym, going for a run or whatever will help us see that we don't need another person to enjoy life and grow.

Added to this, it can give us greater self-esteem by discovering that we can be independent and develop ourselves as individuals without needing someone to tell us whether or not they like what we are doing making. It is our decision and the benefits of it fall directly on us.

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4. Go to the psychologist

Emotional dependence, be it with anyone, is an important problem that points not only to a problem of self-esteem but also to the possibility that there is a psychological condition behind such as an anxiety disorder or depression.

Going to a psychologist is the best way of all to learn to get out of emotional dependence in a friendship, because in this case will address the real cause behind this dysfunctional relationship, evaluating the possibility that it is explained by a disorder mental. If there really is, it will be necessary to receive treatment that will bring improvements both in the patient's emotional state and in his way of relating to others.

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Self-esteem: fundamental key

To get out of emotional dependence on a friendship and avoid falling back into it it is essential to work on self-esteem and independence. On many occasions, relationships characterized by a high degree of emotional dependence are due, to a greater or lesser extent, to the fact that one of the two involved, or both have a great lack of self-esteem and have made their self-concept very marked by the existence of another person, whom they either help or receive their help.

For this reason it is very important to work on self-esteem, because the way in which we relate to others depends on it and it can be a protective factor against falling into relationships with high emotional dependency if we have a high. If our self-esteem is good and we are aware that, as individuals, we are independent and have our rights. If these factors are given, we will be in harmony with ourselves and we will be able to seek and relate to other people, establishing healthy, adult and functional relationships.