I don't know if I love my partner: 5 steps to understand your feelings

If relationships are so exciting, it is, among other things, because experiencing them goes hand in hand with a whole series of intense feelings and emotions that are very difficult to put into words. However, precisely this fact entails some drawbacks, such as the following: Sometimes, we are not very clear about what exactly is happening in the relationship... or even in us themselves.

And it is that there are not a few people who seek professional psychological help because they are not clear about how they feel in a dating relationship or even in a marriage… or even because they are afraid to face their emotions in this area of ​​their lives. lives.

"I don't know if I love my partner" is something that many of those who feel lost in their relationship say and don't even do not even have a clear idea about where to begin to examine themselves, to delve into their feelings. And for this reason, in this article we will talk about some tips to keep in mind to order ideas and connect more and better with what one feels before the other person.

• Related article: "What is emotional intelligence?"

'I don't know if I love my partner': tips to understand what you feel

Some people start relationships without even trying to make a minimal analysis of how they feel before the person with whom they start dating, something that can be legitimate as long as the communication is clear and honest; others do stop to self-examine at first, but after a few months or years, with maturation of that affective bond, they go to a stage in which it is much more difficult for them to know what they feel for that person.

In both cases, it is possible to understand (albeit approximately) our emotions and feelings, but for this you have to spend a certain degree of time and effort.

Of course, sometimes psychotherapy is the only way to advance in this process of self-knowledge, while in others it may be enough to learn to manage for oneself the feelings and beliefs from which we interpret what happens in the relationship. In this article we will focus on this last possibility, but you should know that psychological therapy will always be there as the most effective way to gain knowledge and understanding about your emotional side, either to know how you feel about another person or for any other purpose related to personal relationships and your own "I".

1. Ask yourself if you have fallen into a deception or self-deception

Although it seems paradoxical, your doubts may have arisen that, for the first time, you have started to see things from a more objective and realistic perspective, especially if you have suffered a stage of emotional manipulation by the other person or, what is usually More commonly, you entered the relationship holding on to a highly idealized image of the person you began dating. go out.

In practically all couple relationships there is a certain idealization of the other in the first stage, the of falling in love, but in some cases it can become so extreme that it becomes a real self-delusion When this happens, once the mirage fades, a characteristic disorientation usually appears, because it costs accepting that we are the same person who a few months ago had no doubt about what he felt for that boyfriend or that fiancee.

• You may be interested: "The 5 types of couples therapy"

2. Ask yourself if the relationship is based on fear of rejection

It is not the same to be with someone because of how good it makes us feel, because of how bad we think we would feel if he wasn't by our side. If you believe that what happens to you is the latter, it is likely that what binds you emotionally to the other person is not really a very intense love, but a strong self-esteem problem or even an anxiety disorder or related yet trauma.

3. Ask yourself if the other person has changed a lot

It is normal to change over time; personality is not something perfectly stable and even when it is more or less maintained for years, other psychological characteristics may vary, making us feel closer or further from that person.

For example: their use of time to dedicate it to certain hobbies in which you cannot participate, their personal values, their ideology, their communication style with others, their attitude towards drugs, etc.

If this happens to you and you notice that the connection with your partner is not what it was, you must be clear that it is not your fault. no one: everyone has the right to change, just as you have the right not to feel the same about somebody.

• Related article: "The Major Theories of Personality"

4. Ask yourself if you have changed much

Perhaps you have come to see life with different eyes, perhaps you no longer value sexual compatibility so much, perhaps you have stopped giving so much importance to the possibility of having a relationship based on love Romantic… many things can change within your belief system, of ideas from which to interpret how the world is and who you are, or in your way of managing emotions. In any case, take notes in a emotions diary can help you better understand what your evolution has been.

• You may be interested: "Personal Development: 5 reasons for self-reflection"

5. Ask yourself if perhaps you love that person in a non-normative way

Love has many facets, and some of them go beyond what we usually understand as romantic love. And this also implies that you may be caring about how you feel about the other person just because you're comparing your feelings to a very limited definition of love. Ask yourself if what makes you feel anxiety-generating doubts really has to do with an essential characteristic of love: Wanting to have sex with your partner must be necessary? Want to be with her 24 hours a day? And many other preconceived ideas that you have been able to internalize without questioning them.

• Related article: "The 4 types of love: what different kinds of love exist?"

Are you considering attending psychotherapy?

If you are looking for professional psychological assistance services, get in touch with us.

In Advance Psychologists We have more than two decades of experience in the sector, and we serve patients of all ages. You can avail of our support both for psychotherapy sessions focused on the individual patient or for couples therapy and family therapy. In addition, we can also intervene in the areas of sexology, speech therapy, coaching, psychiatry and neuropsychology. We help you both in person and through the online therapy modality by video call.