The 4 myths about happiness

Surely you have said on more than one occasion that things should not be in certain ways. That all you want is to have a happy and peaceful life. And surely you have heard phrases like "the important thing is to be happy", "you should not be sad" or "don't think about unpleasant things".

Our society is full of messages of this kind, which they tell us how to live life the “right” way. We must have fun at all times, live in peace and joy always. And it is logical that we do not want to experience unpleasant situations and prefer to avoid them.

However, surely your experience tells you that things are not as they are portrayed in the movies: always with a happy ending. It is very likely that things will not go as expected.

• Related article: "10 daily habits that improve your emotional balance. "

The main myths about happiness

The truth is that there are a series of myths around happiness that make us believe in all these messages. We will comment on them below.

1. Happiness is a natural state of all people

This is something that our sociocultural context insists a lot: we are happy by nature. Nothing is further from realityAnd the statistics disprove it. According to the WHO (World Health Organization) one of the most disabling and common serious psychological conditions is depression.

In addition, it must be added that one in four adults is addicted to alcohol or other drugs. Not to mention other problems such as loneliness, sexual difficulties, social isolation, low self-esteem... In the end, we can get used to the idea of how rare happiness is in our environment.

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2. If we are not happy, we are not perfect

If we believe myth #1, we surely assume that psychological suffering is something abnormal. If we suffer it is because we are weak or even because we are sick, the product of some mental problem. Consequently, we tend to be self-critical, to blame ourselves for what happens to us.

Thus, human beings have evolved to the point where our thoughts have helped us solve many problems. The downside comes when we use this problem solving in the psychological world. Thus, it is normal and healthy for our mind to function in this way. It has evolved and this has its pros and cons. But there is nothing wrong with us, our mind is working naturally.

• Related article: "What is guilt and how can we manage this feeling?"

3. To live in peace, we must eliminate all the negative

It makes sense that to find happiness we must get rid of everything negative. It is a message that has penetrated deep into our society.

However, the truth is that when we value something the most, it is associated with both pleasant and unpleasant feelings. For example, surely you have ever experienced the joy of having been chosen to enter a course that you wanted to take. Inevitably, it is very likely that, after having started it, you will feel disappointment and sadness for not being what you expected.

As we can see, life is full of experiences of this type. So, if you believe this myth, it is likely that your life has become more difficult than you imagined.

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4. We have to control what we feel and think

Let's do a test. Read the following sentence: "Don't think of a pink elephant." What happened? Could you not think about it? Or has a pink elephant appeared in your mind without meaning to? It is very likely that it is, so our experience is telling us that controlling what we think and feel is not entirely possible. However, our society is constantly telling us that we must control them. If we are able, we can live happily. I wish it was that easy!

The truth is that, although we cannot control what we think and feel, we can control our actions. In such a way that, despite unpleasant thoughts or emotions, we can choose to act in the direction of a valuable, meaningful and important life for each of us.

• Related article: "What is locus of control?"

What to do about this?

These four myths are widespread in our society. They lead us into a fight against our human nature that we can never win.. And this is when most of the difficulties and psychological problems come.

Thus, the best option is to question these myths, not take them as truths, even if they are widespread socially, and look for other more rational alternative thoughts. Allowing ourselves to feel bad, just like we allow ourselves to feel good, and look for why and not why we feel a certain way. In this way we can reflect to advance and improve valuable behaviors that will make us feel good.

In PsychoAlmería, psychology center in Almería with face-to-face and online sessions, can help you in a personalized way to understand and learn from your emotions, thoughts and behaviors so that you can achieve well-being or balance in your day to day day.

Author: Franco Castellá, Psychologist at PsicoAlmería.