What does the Triangular Theory of Love tell us about relationships?

It is clear that love is a complicated concept. What is love? How does love feel? What types of love are there?

Many theories have tried to explain love, from Plato to Erich Fromm. However, in this article we will focus on talking about one of the most prominent and studied theories: it is Sternberg's triangular love theory.

Robert Sternberg developed this theory throughout the 1980s and 1990s, and in it he proposes that there are three essential components of love: intimacy, passion, and commitment.

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The three components of love according to Sternberg

Sternberg's triangular theory of love proposes that these three components are interrelated. According to the author, intimacy, passion and commitment are combined to produce all the types of love that we see in relationships between people. In this way, romantic love is the combination of passion and intimacy, but without commitment being present. On the other hand, empty love would consist only of the presence of commitment, without the intimacy and passion.

Intimacy and commitment are two components that are usually quite constant in relationships. Namely, once they are established in a relationship, they can last over time. However, passion is considered less stable and much less predictable.

Another difference between the three components is how aware we are of them. For example, passion is usually quite evident. Either we feel sexual attraction to the other person or we don't. Intimacy and commitment, on the other hand, are not always perceived so clearly. We may not realize how strongly committed we are to our partner until that is put to the test by some external event, such as an illness of one of the members of the partner.

Next, we will look at each of these components in greater depth.

1. Privacy

Sternberg uses this word to refer to the emotional component of love.. For the author, intimacy means warmth, closeness, trust, connection and togetherness. It is important not to confuse this component with the fact of having intimacy or sexual relations with the other person.

• You may be interested: "5 keys to generate intimacy in relationships"

2. Passion

Passion, as its name suggests, tells us how passionate the relationship is. Passion is the emotion we feel when thinking about the other person, the butterflies in our stomach, thinking about that other person all the time, etc. Of course, also includes sexual attraction.

In addition, Sternberg describes passion as a motivational component of love, since it motivates us to to act, to pursue the object of our love, to write a message, propose a plan, prepare a dinner etc

• Related article: "What is the duration of passion in couples?"

3. Commitment

The third element of the triangular theory of love is commitment. Sternberg describes it as that moment when the person thinks: that's it, I don't need to look any further, this is the person. Likewise, commitment is the only one of the three components that is conscious or intentional. There is a long-term commitment. An example of the commitment component can be found in a couple who have been married for 60 years.

A relationship of this length cannot be based solely on sexual attraction or intimacy. In 60 years of marriage we argue, we have disagreements, fights, etc. However, the relationship continues thanks to the commitment.

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The eight combinations of love according to Sternberg

As we said before, the three components can and do interact in different ways, leading to different types of love. Sternberg's triangular theory of love determines eight types of love: non-love, affection, infatuation, empty love, romantic love, sociable love, fatuous love, and consummate love. In the following list we see the combinations that give rise to each of the types of love:

• Not love = None of the three
• Honey = there is only intimacy
• Infatuation = there is only passion
• Empty love = there is only commitment
• Romantic love = there is intimacy and passion present, but not commitment
• Sociable love = there is intimacy and commitment, but lacks passion
• Fatuous love = there is passion and commitment, but lacks intimacy
• Consummate or complete love = includes all three components

As we can see in the previous list, a relationship without intimacy and passion that only has commitment is called empty love. If only intimacy is present, affection appears and we usually have a friendship with that person. As long as it lacks commitment, we can't even say it's a real friendship. And so we would continue with the rest of the components and their interactions.

Over the years, there has been much discussion of this Sternberg theory, indicating that perhaps things are not always as clear cut as the triangle suggests and that It is not always so easy to locate ourselves in a type of love.