How to apologize for infidelity, in 7 steps

A large part of couple crises are caused by infidelity problems, with their consequent lack of trust and changes in the way the relationship is seen. Normally this is experienced with great stress and frustration on the part of both members of the couple, and the feeling of guilt is frequent, even in the person who has not committed the infidelity.

Although it is true that on many occasions the simple fact that this deception has occurred is reason enough for one of the members of the couple to decide to break the relationship and move away definitively, in other cases the situation can be redirected if the root problem is solved and the forgiveness of those who have been deceived by one or another is honestly sought lover. Apologizing for infidelity is a fundamental step to mend the relationship.

• Related article: "Infidelity: the second most important problem in couple relationships"

How to ask for forgiveness after an infidelity: reconnect

In the following lines we will see several tips about the role that forgiveness should have after infidelity and how to apologize after an event of this type.

1. Assuming you don't have to forgive

The person who has suffered the infidelity has every right not to accept the apology and to end the relationship without giving further explanations. If this is the case, it is totally inappropriate and harmful to blame her, since no one is obliged to give second chances. It is necessary to undertake the task of apologizing taking this into account., and that at the first sign that the other person wants to be alone and does not want to talk to the person who has been unfaithful, her decision must be respected.

2. Ask about your own needs

Before apologizing, you have to ask yourself if infidelity is not in fact the symptom that you don't want to be in that relationship. Asking this question can be hard, but it is necessary to avoid waste of time and frustrations to the other person and to oneself.

3. Have the initial talk

You have to talk about it, expressly ask for forgiveness and forge new, very concrete commitments, so that the someone else has the ability to see if progress is made on them or i will act like i don't existed.

This talk should take place in a quiet and private place, and its tone should be serious, to allow for honesty and to avoid double meanings. Of course, you have to avoid having it remotely, either through text messages or phone calls. Something so important deserves to be seen face to face. In this way, the implication will be much greater.

• You may be interested in: "The 10 basic communication skills"

4. Take your own responsibility

The only person responsible for infidelity is the one who commits it. Being clear about this is absolutely essential, since otherwise, if it is reflected in the conversation that another person is also responsible, a totally undeserved feeling of guilt will be introduced in him and unfair.

5. More actions and less words

Infidelity is a betrayal of a person's trust. Someone who has made sacrifices to be with their partner, who has passed up opportunities that they wouldn't have missed when single, and who has invested time and effort in the relationship. Therefore, it is not enough just to say "I'm sorry". You have to show a significant change in the way you behave every day, in the way of living the relationship and generating habits.

6. Do not do it to compensate, but to build

The idea that asking for forgiveness for an infidelity consists of compensating for the injury stems from an incorrect approach to what is happening. If this were the case, once it is considered that past infidelity has been compensated, everything should go back to how it was before, deception included.

The idea to follow is another: qualitatively transform the relationship to make it based on honesty and trust. In this way, the need to seek forgiveness from the other person is transformed into something useful and meaningful: a way to give rise to the evolution of the relationship.

7. Open up and be transparent

The whole process of asking for forgiveness for an infidelity involves being vulnerable and showing confidence, making the other person have reasons to have more confidence in the one who has deceived them previously. Yes indeed, one should not be obsessed with the idea of ​​not keeping any secrets, since everyone has the right to keep secrets as long as they do not directly affect the other person who shares her life with her, and as long as they are not numerous.

In addition, trying to be totally transparent can have a rebound effect, being something practically impossible, it gives an excuse to look for exceptions to this rule knowing that it is absurd not to have secrets.