How to manage your emotions to overcome a breakup

I sense that if you have reached this article, it is because You have just ended your relationship and you feel that the loss is beyond you.

If this is your case, do not despair; Everything in life has a solution. Here you will find some essential keys that allow you to overcome this duel that you are going through.

How do you feel after your relationship ended?

Here are some of the most characteristic feelings and emotions that you may be experiencing.

1. Uncertainty

It is very likely that having ended your relationship with your partner you feel with a lot of uncertainty. This It is something natural, since for a long time you have had that special person to support you in the most complex moments of your life.

• Related article: "Why managing uncertainty is key to mental health"

2. Low self-esteem

It is very understandable that at this time your perception of yourself has been compromised and that you feel that your physical and personal attributes, even though they are the same, are not enough.

3. Obsession

You spend the whole day with intrusive thoughts They throw all kinds of scenarios and statements at you about your past relationship, the uncertain future, your capabilities, what you could have done to keep the relationship from ending...

• You may be interested in: "How to manage obsessive thoughts"

4. deep sadness

You feel a deep sadness lodged in the chest area that does not seem to want to disappear and that accompanies you in most moments of your life.

5. Anxiety

Fear and uncertainty about the uncertain future generate a feeling of constant overwhelm that he doesn't let you breathe easy while you go about your daily chores.

6. Jealousy

You can still see the different social networks of your ex and each photo or story that appears, gives you the feeling that she has it much more overcome than you and that she has already had relationships with other people again.

• Related article: "The types of jealousy and its different characteristics"

7. self-rejection

You feel that if you had done things differently, he or she would still be with you. You begin to judge yourself more harshly for everything you did "wrong". In short, you reject yourself quite frequently, thus further undermining your self-esteem and thereby increasing all the above symptoms (obsession, sadness and anxiety).

Keys to overcome your breakup

After reading all these symptoms with which you probably feel identified, it is very likely that you are more aware of the grieving process you are going through. I ask you not to despair since everything in this life has a solution and in the following lines I am going to present a series of keys and strategies that you can start to follow from this very moment to be able to overcome this breakup that you are experiencing and that you are suffering so much causes.

1. Lean on your closest environment

It is very important that, in order to overcome uncertainty, you find one or two people from your closest environment in whom you can fully trust not just to be able to express to them how you feel, but also to support them in relation to your future decisions, your most delicate moments...

2. Work on your self esteem

It is essential that you do exercises aimed at improving your self-esteem. Next, I am going to give you a good example of a daily task that you can do in order to increase your self-esteem.

The exercise is intended to help you love all your physique without buts. The first thing you should do is stand in front of the mirror without makeup, without having combed your hair... And for 3 clock minutes (you can place a countdown), you will look at yourself with all the affection you feel able. You don't have to say anything or do anything specific. Just watch yourself and, every time a judgment appears, question it from the love of yourself. Once the countdown is over, you are going to look into your eyes again and say out loud "I accept you just the way you are".

3. question your obsessions

As we have previously expressed, obsessions are one of your worst enemies on a day-to-day basis. Therefore, it is necessary that you learn to question these obsessions every time they appear.

The proposal I make to you, thanks to the method of the American psychologist Byron Katie, is that every time you a repetitive and toxic thought appears for you right now, you can simply do three questions; And after answering these two questions, try to give you examples that invalidate the initial thought. For example:

• "I will never get over it"
• Can I be 100% sure that this is true?
• How does this thought make me feel?
• Who or what would I be without this thought?
• Once I have answered these questions, I am going to look for a counterexample that invalidates it:
• “2 years ago I had a duel for x loss and I finally managed to get over it”

4. Learn to regulate your sadness and anxiety

Learning to regulate and manage our emotions is somewhat easier than it may seem. Like everything in this life, it is a matter of practice and perseverance. A fairly effective sequence to hold an emotion is the following: scans your body for a prominent physical sensation. Once you locate it, give it a name (sadness, anger, fear, anxiety, anger...).

Next, simply observe that emotion in the form of a physical sensation and see how it transforms, how it moves in the space of your body, what new sensations it transmits to you... And you just keep accepting and welcoming this feeling until it gradually subsides and finally disappears.

5. Manage your jealousy

It is very normal that if you continue to see your ex-partner's social networks, jealousy may arise. That is why I suggest that, especially in the first few weeks, you try to completely eliminate your ex-partner's profiles from your feed. Controlling the impulses that can lead you to check their stories, new posts... Even a resource that can be quite effective is to ask the other person to block us until we ask them to stop doing it again.

6. Accept your new reality

Finally, it is essential that you manage to do an exercise in accepting your new reality. It is clear that this situation is not what you expected or what you want. It is also very logical to understand that every loss in life entails a necessary mourning. But If you keep clinging to the idea that this is not the reality you want, the frustration and suffering that is generated is very great..

For this reason, I strongly invite you to try to assume and accept that the person who accompanied you until now it no longer does and you are not going to stop being happy or enjoying many other things in your life.