Psychological abuse in the couple: what effects it has and how to detect it

Psychological abuse can be difficult to recognize due to its more normalized presence in relationships and its lack of obvious signs. However, the damage caused by this type of abuse can be even worse than that caused by physical violence.

Many people are not aware that they are involved in a relationship of psychological abuse and they consider many abusive situations as normal problems and disagreements within a relationship of couple.

As we see, the most harmful aspect of psychological abuse is how difficult it is to identify it. Since it does not involve physical abuse, victims often have a harder time leaving the situation. It is important that people consider what forms of psychological abuse they are tolerating or reproducing. A first step is to understand what psychological abuse consists of and what signs allow us to name it. In this article we analyze psychological abuse in couple relationships and its most frequent signs.

• Related article: "The 9 types of abuse and their characteristics"

What is psychological abuse in the couple?

Psychological abuse within a relationship It is the most common form of violence. It is also the most standardized and the most difficult to test. The term psychological refers to abuse that is not physical in nature, although it may involve violent threats directed at the victim or their loved ones. Victims of psychological abuse often feel isolated and do not take steps to protect or defend themselves against further abuse.

Psychological abuse, as we have seen, is often difficult to detect due to its subtle nature; however, it can also occur in an overt or manipulative way. The ultimate goal of the abuser is to control the abused person., convincing her that she is incompetent, cutting her off from her support systems and making her feel unworthy to speak, even love. This form of abuse involves all attempts to control, scare, or isolate a partner through words or actions.

Psychological abuse usually begins gradually and continues steadily over time. It's easy to miss the subtle early signs of an abusive situation. Small, gradual changes in a person's abusive behavior can easily go unnoticed. So many people are already familiar with some of the obvious signs of emotional abuse and manipulation, which they consider normal.

Psychological abuse, ultimately, leads the victim to feel a strong dependence on their abuser. Its greatest advantage is its ability to slowly destroy the victim's self-esteem, causing the abused to doubt her own worth as a human being. In addition, any separation carries the stigma of failure, this makes some people prefer to continue an abusive relationship and think that it is the price to pay for not being alone.

Some people think that only some people considered weak or belonging to a certain social class can be victims of abuse; however, this is not reality. Psychological abuse can happen to anyone of any age or social class. More than a profile of a mistreated person, there is a profile of an abuser.

• You may be interested in: "The 11 types of violence (and the different kinds of aggression)"

Signs to identify psychological abuse

Although psychological abuse is often subtle and difficult to detect, there are a series of red flags. The first thing to determine if we are in an abusive relationship is to consider how it makes us feel. And what emotions our partner awakens in us.

In any case, a situation of psychological abuse can make us mistrust ourselves and our perceptions, drastically reducing our ability to self-esteem and self-perception, which ultimately makes it extremely difficult to leave the relationship. Some abuse victims are too afraid to leave the relationship and are too hurt to do so. Finally, find themselves in a situation they are aware of, but cannot get out of.

Emotionally abusive relationships lead to a whole series of unhealthy manifestations such as: pain, stress, confusion, anxiety and depression. If these negative emotions are frequently present when you interact with your partner, there is a high probability that we are in a psychologically abusive relationship. These kinds of feelings are not characteristic of a healthy relationship.

There are certain signs that can help us identify a situation of abuse. A sign of psychological abuse is if the other person places unrealistic expectations on us, examples Some of these are: demanding unreasonable things, or expecting us to drop everything to meet your needs.

Another sign that someone may be emotionally abusive is if it invalidates us constantly. Some examples of invalidation include: saying you are exaggerating when pointing out problem behavior or demanding an exact date to try to deny something that happened. Emotionally abusive people also tend to create chaos, often starting arguments out of the blue or making confusing and contradictory statements. This type of erratic and unpredictable behavior can make us feel as if we are "walking on eggshells", afraid that any comment will cause an outburst emotional.

Psychological abusers also tend to act with superiority and rights in almost all situations. situations, this includes treating the other as if he were inferior or blaming him for his mistakes and deficiencies. They will also frequently try to isolate and control you.; Some examples of this type of behavior are: controlling who we see or spend time with, including friends and family, or hiding car keys.

It's important to remember that everyone, including ourselves, deserves to be treated with kindness and respect. Minimizing the other person's behavior can lead us into a cycle of emotional abuse.

Many studies confirm that more women than men suffer psychological abuse from their partners. According to the first 2005 WHO study on domestic violence, this is the most common type of violence women face, above aggressions committed outside the scope of the couple.

• Related article: "23 signs that you have a 'toxic relationship' as a couple"

Consequences of psychological abuse

According to many health professionals, psychological abuse can have consequences as serious as physical abuse, it just doesn't have visible signs. Rather than bruises, wounds from abuse are inward-focused and include: doubts, self-hatred, and feelings of worthlessness. Because their signs are invisible to others, victims have a harder time realizing that they are being abused or if it makes them feel isolated.

Living in a situation of constant emotional abuse can cause us to completely lose our sense of who we are. Over time, criticism, insults, put-downs, and insincerity can wear down the perception we have of ourselves until we are no longer able to see ourselves as really are.

Abusive relationships can become make us believe that we are not good enough for anyone and that we do not deserve the other: abuse is the price to pay. This can lead to self-deprecating comparisons, agreeing with the abuser, and getting stuck in the relationship. Victims of abuse can end up believing that no one really loves them and withdraw from their friends and family, becoming isolated. This makes it even more difficult to leave the relationship.

Chronic stress caused by psychological abuse leads to physical symptoms such as fatigue, headaches, and illness. It can also cause somatization (emotion that manifests as physical symptoms) in conditions already present. These include apathy, depression, fatigue, insomnia, and eating disorders. Victims of psychological abuse are likely to abuse alcohol and other psychoactive drugs.

In some cases, victims of abuse may even begin to justify the abuse., underestimate its seriousness or adopt the perspective of the reality of the aggressor. Furthermore, many abused people do not even realize that they are involved in an abusive situation; this happens more often than most people realize, as many violent relationships normalize. The ideas that we have internalized about romantic love or phrases like “whoever loves you well will make you cry" contribute enormously to not detecting this type of abusive behavior of a character psychological.

Finally, the first step in dealing with an emotionally abusive relationship is to acknowledge or understand that abuse exists. By being honest about what we are experiencing, we can begin to regain control of our lives with the help of professionals. Leaving an abusive relationship is not easy, and above all we should never think that we deserve the situation or feel guilty. In the case of suffering abuse, we are the victim.