Psychological damage from infidelity: its 11 effects on mental health

There are many reasons for infidelity. Relationship experts say that this is because the problem goes beyond personalities, characters, or the existence of deficits in the relationship. But regardless of the cause, the end result is always dissatisfaction, pain, and more problems to deal with; and although its effects can vary greatly between people, some of its psychological consequences can be serious and long-lasting.

In its simplest definition, cheating in a relationship implies that one of the parties involved has broken trust. This act weakens commitments, pacts and personal desires, as well as intimacy in the couple. This is considered a sad personal event that can sometimes cause great emotional damage, consequently many people do not know what to do after finding out about an infidelity. Furthermore, negative feelings and stress can lead people to mishandle this moment and not be able to process it properly.

In this article we present the consequences that can be derived from infidelity in relation to its impact on mental health.

• Related article: "The 5 types of couples therapy"

Does having suffered an infidelity leave sequels?

First of all, we must not generalize. There are no simple answers to complex emotional events, such as infidelity in this case. That is, we are all different and we have our particular way of reacting to things. This means that each person can face infidelity in a different way.

However, there are reasons why a partner's betrayal can have negative consequences on our mental health. Although this, in the first instance, translates as a lack of trust that has to do with the other member of the couple, it can also break trust with yourself or other members outside the relationship.

An infidelity is equivalent to a betrayal. But this betrayal is more serious psychologically speaking, since it is supposed to come from someone we love and who loves us. Consequently, it also breaks with some of our deepest values ​​and beliefs. It is a break with our reality that we are not always capable of processing.

• You may be interested in: "The 9 types of infidelity and their characteristics"

What are the possible effects of infidelity on mental health?

There are different consequences of infidelity in mental health. From a behavioral point of view, the effects can be divided into cognitive, behavioral and emotional. In this article we have added a fourth category related to the different traumas that can occur after a love betrayal.

1. cognitive effects

Cognitive effects are the set of consequences in the way people perceive and organize their environment. Also changes in our way of not only understanding, but also processing the new information we receive. Among the most frequent cognitive changes we can highlight:

1.1. ruminations

People dealing with infidelity often struggle to concentrate and function normally in daily life. However, They cannot get what happened out of their head and think about it or try to find a reason. Also, some people, even after having forgiven an infidelity, are unable to erase it and continue to ruminate about what happened. Their emotions can become uncontrollable when they reflect on what happened.

• Related article: "Rumination: the annoying vicious circle of thought"

1.2. Blocking

One of the consequences that are described after an infidelity is the blockade, this is also one of the common causes for which couples go to therapy. The situation is the following: the person who has suffered infidelity wants to forgive her partner, but something prevents him from doing so. This impasse is known as an emotional block, since the couple is in a state of "stand by" and the relationship cannot move forward.

2. behavioral effects

After experiencing an infidelity in the couple, different reactions can occur. Dealing with this situation in a relationship commonly leads to anger and sometimes aggression from the other party. Some people decide to separate immediately when they discover the infidelity. These seek to avoid the pain of betrayal that contact with the other entails. Although these types of extreme reactions do not always occur, changes in behavior do occur after infidelity, which include:

2.1. Mood swings

Frequent mood swings are common to many people; however, they can be significant when someone is infidelity, since people are emotionally affected. These mood swings they can go from feeling intensely sad to being furiously angry at the other person.

• You may be interested in: "Mental health: definition and characteristics according to psychology"

2.2. hypervigilance

Hypervigilance is a behavioral reaction that aims to verify that the relationship has ended. This leads not only to increased surveillance, but also to aggressive communication and obsessive questioning about what happened. Some behavioral symptoms include asking frequent questions about the affair, which ultimately shows increased aggression in communication.

23. Jealousy

The appearance of jealousy is another of the behavioral manifestations that appear. After finding out that our partner has been unfaithful, people can feel a tremendous lack of self-confidence. Jealousy is one of the many signs that someone feels insecure, which ultimately indicates a lack of trust in the relationship. They are not only a feeling of discomfort, they also bring with them the exhibition of certain harmful behaviors: towards the partner and with oneself.

• Related article: "The 4 keys to manage and overcome jealousy in a relationship"

2.4. Social isolation

In the case of some relationships -especially if they were very intense or long in time- the emotional reaction can extend to the environment of which the unfaithful person is a part. While it is true that distrust is directed mainly at the other, it is also these feelings are likely to spill over into the environment the cheater is a part of: your friends, family or workplace. Consequently, this can produce a strong social isolation, since many of these links can be shared.

3. Emotional Effects

Negative emotions tend to decrease both physical and mental health. Fear-anxiety, anger and depression are common emotional reactions as a consequence of infidelity, these are characterized by a high physiological activation. Although these feelings occur more frequently in the person who suffers the infidelity, the unfaithful person It can also manifest sadness associated with the loss of a loved one or the status that allowed relationship.

3.1. Low self-esteem

Deception can affect the assessment that a person makes of himself. People faced with infidelity may believe that their qualities are worse than those of the lover. Ultimately, this can lead to the manifestation of feelings of inferiority and a low self-esteem.

3.2. Distress

Anguish -in the case of infidelity- can appear as a consequence of two main factors. On the one hand, a feeling of emptiness is usually experienced, which is left by the loss of the other person and, above all, of life together. On the other, that of the loss of beliefs, the latter is related to the thought that infidelity occurs or will occur in all future relationships.

• You may be interested in: "Distress: symptoms, causes and possible treatments"

3.3. Insomnia

One of the most typical manifestations when we experience negative events is insomnia, this is very dangerous and must be controlled.

When trying to sleep, people who have experienced a breakup tend to have more thoughts about it. The lack of hours of sleep puts us in a kind of vicious circle. The less we sleep, the less we are able to manage our reactions and thoughts, and these ruminating thoughts prevent us from falling asleep.

4. trauma

Many authors consider that the emotional reactions that occur in the victim of infidelity are similar to those that appear in some disorders. Two traumas that can occur after a betrayal of a loving nature are described.

4.1. post infidelity stress disorder

Post-infidelity stress disorder (PTSD) is a specific type of anxiety disorder that can be triggered by discovering that a person close to us has been unfaithful.

A recent study estimates that between a quarter and a half of people who have been betrayed by their partner develop symptoms of post-infidelity stress disorder, which is accompanied by symptoms of depression and anxiety.

4.2. betrayal trauma

Psychological researcher Jennifer Freyd introduced the term "betrayal trauma" in 1991. Refers to a specific type of psychological trauma caused by loss of key social connections. The damage is caused by a break in an attachment bond, such as between a parent and child, or in the case of infidelity, between romantic partners. The loss of attachment does not imply the rupture of the relationship. Betrayal trauma has lasting effects on a person's life that can even rival the effects of physical abuse.

Conclusion

As we have seen, a betrayal of trust can inflict various damages. Sometimes these become major emotional wounds. Betrayal in a romantic relationship can continue to cause pain and confusion, even months after the breakup.

People who develop this type of trauma remain in the relationship in exchange for guaranteeing their own safety. For example, someone who does not have sufficient financial resources may remain in a relationship -after an infidelity- for fear of not being able to stay without the other person. This fear of possible loss and consequences of acknowledging the betrayal can lead the betrayed person to bury the trauma.