4 Reasons Why You Should Stay Away From Exes

If there is one aspect of our affective lives that arouses as many passions as the first days of a relationship, it is those moments in which we realize that we have not gotten over the breakup with an ex-partner and we are assailed by doubts about whether to contact her again or not.

And it is that although in most romantic movies the separation between what is good and what is bad appears clearly drawn, real life is much more complicated.

In fact, unrealistic ideas about what a true loving relationship looks like cause many people to assume that you have to give second chances to failed relationships, no matter how badly they ended.

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Why it is better not to resume contact with ex-partners

Although in theory everyone has the ability to get over breakups, in practice not everyone has the time or energy to do so. That is why, in most cases, the temptation to get back in touch with an old partner usually causes problems.

Although there is nothing wrong in itself in speaking or meeting with an "ex" again, it is advisable to do this when the sentimental grieving process has been completely overcome. Below you can read the 4 main ones

reasons why it is better not to contact an ex-partner again.

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1. It is impossible to start from scratch

The contacts with the ex-partners are characterized by the frustration of aspiring to that state of illusion of the first days and not achieving it. One thing must be clear: once a relationship has ended, even if contact is resumed, nothing is the same again, for better or for worse. We can't just choose to forget everything that happened, and self-deception attempts to cover up these events often generate emotional breakdowns at the most inopportune moments.

For example, although it is intended to draw a veil of ignorance about the past and show that nothing bad has happened between us and the ex-partner, if from the beginning one of the parties has the feeling of being indebted to the other, or one believes that the other owes them something, sooner or later those feelings will surface; indirectly at the beginning, and quite clearly at the end.

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2. Constant painful reminders

The only thing that keeps all human beings from being deeply unhappy is that they know manage your focus of attention so that you are not constantly directing it towards sad memories or traumatic

But this is not something that depends only on the willpower of each one. The environment in which we live, and specifically the type of elements with which we surround ourselves, have an effect on what we think about. If we live surrounded by death, we will think more about it, and if we live in regular contact with an ex-partner, it will will create more occasions in which, without intending to, we will end up thinking about that relationship and what made it happen. failed.

That is why, unless we have completely overcome the breakup of a coupleWe do not create the right conditions for thoughts of separation to suddenly assail us.

3. Frustration mixes with fantasies

This inconvenience has to do with the previous two. If there is something that can cause as much pain as living a relationship in which everything is bitter, it is living one in which the Frustration is mixed with fantasies about what a reality would be like in which the problems with the ex-partner have missing.

And it is that being in contact with people with whom in the past we had a romantic love story brings back both very good and very bad memories. The seconds are part of the conflicts that will possibly appear, while the first ones tempt us to try to revive what in some moments we get to confuse with the present: fantastic moments that we experience more through what we would like it to be than through the honesty.

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4. Close the door to new opportunities

Many times, the desire to have contact with the ex-partner again is, basically, an element of distraction. Sometimes the possibility of having a loving relationship with that person again makes us focus on this kind of fantasizing and let us pass up opportunities to start more functional and exciting relationships.

In fact, sometimes the simple fact of idealizing the return of contact with the ex-partner makes the idea of ​​starting a relationship with a different person produces feelings of guilt, even if you have never "returned" to that person. old couple.

In these cases it is assumed that we are predestined to resume that failed relationship, although there are no objective reasons to believe that. It is a highly dysfunctional belief that in the long term does not satisfy either party and can even harm others. third parties, as they receive mixed signals: sometimes we seem interested in these people and sometimes we seem to reject them completely.