How to leave someone: 6 steps to manage the breakup

Many times we experience love relationships as fairy tales They can only have a happy ending. Of course, this belief makes having someone by our side a sweeter experience, but at a heavy price.

And it is that when things do not go well, the frustration can be enormous: the fact of discovering that it is not well with someone produces both confusion and discomfort, because we do not understand that the relationship, as we knew it up to now, simply no longer has a reason to exist. be.

That is why there are many times that the simple task of figuring out how dumping someone becomes a cheat that paralyzes us without being able to enjoy love life and without being able to free ourselves from that relationship.

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When love is no longer like before and anxiety grows

Making the decision to end a relationship is always hard, especially if the trajectory of this is long, several years. Also, one of the aspects of the breakup that hurts the most is the fact that

it is a unilateral decision: everything depends on oneself, and the consequences of that decision, if they are very bad, will weigh on one's own conscience.

It is this fear and this expectation of potential failure which makes many people remain blocked before the uncertainty of not knowing how to leave someone. The anticipatory anxiety it makes the discomfort almost comparable to that which occurs during and just after the breakup, but unlike what would happen in this second scenario, the problem persists and becomes chronic.

The fear of "taking the plunge", the guilt and pity that will cause sadness in the other person, not knowing what day-to-day will be like without the routine of being next to that lover or lover... all that makes it very easy to procrastinate, not taking the first step, lengthening the discomfort.

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Managing the couple crisis: how to leave someone

Although A breakup is always an anxiety-producing experience. and discomfort, these feelings must be managed so that the crisis does not remain entrenched. Going from idea to fact correctly is important to getting through the breakup phase in the best possible way.

These are the main guidelines to follow for be clear how to leave someone without the people involved suffering more than would be expected:

1. Give clues

The couple breakups that are best managed are those that are understood, that is, those that we can integrate well with the knowledge we have about the relationship in which we find ourselves. This also works, of course, for the person who "gets dumped." It is very important that you fully understand what is happening, and for that it is necessary that you know that your partner does not feel good in the relationship, that this information does not come suddenly at the time of the breakup.

So, when it comes to leaving someone, you already have a lot to gain simply by genuinely expressing the discomfort you feel. This establishes precedents that, seen in retrospect, help to understand what has happened.

2. Choose a quiet and lonely place

It is very important that when breaking the relationship the people involved can express their feelings without repressing themselves for being in a social context. Choosing a bar or restaurant as a place to do this is a very bad idea, precisely for this reason: shame and fear of attention they add to the stress that the situation already generates.

3. spare no time

Something so important deserves to be explained well and in detail. That's why it's good not to simply give the information in one or two sentences; better to have prepared a mini-script with the main ideas to say and their order (do not literally memorize any text).

4. Make the message clear

On the other hand, it is important that the main point of the meeting, the breakup, be communicated clearly and directly, without using poetic formulas or constant detours without getting to the subject in question.

5. blame no one

Attributing the failure of a relationship at the moment of leaving someone is inadvisable, even if the blame is placed on oneself. If we blame the other person, we make them suffer more than they should and, furthermore, will not be able to extract a valuable lesson to be happier in the future with other people, since that information will not be analyzed as if it were something from which a useful conclusion can be drawn; it will simply be seen as an attack, due to the context and how difficult it is to reason in such situations.

Also, if you say that you are to blame, it is very possible that this will be interpreted as an excuse for not having to argue, something that of course does not sit well either.

6. Give support

Some people believe that right after communicating that you want to break up, it is appropriate to act in a distant so that the interlocutor does not "get confused" and assume their new role in a snapshot. This is wrong and, in fact, so defensive that it reveals your own insecurities.

After leaving someone, we must let our feeling of helping others act spontaneously when it comes to comfort the ex-partner, if she needs it. A hug, a few kind words, and staying with the person for a while is a good idea, unless the person says otherwise or shows no signs of breaking down emotionally. In any case, offering help never hurts.

Consider the option of giving yourself some time

Many times leaving someone is not a decision we are sure of. Love is a very complex feeling, and certain crises may be due to circumstantial factors that have nothing to do exactly with what it is for us to be with a certain person.

In these cases, instead of communicating a definitive break, you can choose to take time. This, in part, is also leaving someone, but leaving a door open to the possibility of returning, and therefore the blow is less. However, you should not decide on this option simply to please the other person; It has to be something that really interests both parties.